A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i'm not sure if he is cheating on me. i have never had a good relationship. every man i have been with has either cheated on me, used me, stole from me. you name it. they have done it in the worst way. i seem to be way too forgiving and i get walked on. but i finally met a man almost a year now we have been together, but all these coincidences keep happening that make me think that he might be cheating. there is no solid proof there at all, just things i hear people say. not sure if the people i work with are screwing with my head or if i am right or if it is all just coincidence. usually when i suspect the man is cheating, he is. but with no proof and the way that he acts tells me that he isn't cheating. he is so loving and sweet. he does anything for me and tells me every day how much he loves and cherishes me. i think deep down that i am wrong but i am struggling every day to believe him. he says that there is no way to prove to me that he is not cheating and that he has never given me a reason to not trust him and that i can't let my past effect our relationship. i know this and i am trying real hard to just stop thinking it but i can't. what can i do? i don't want to kill this beautiful relationship that i waited so long for to have. how can i make myself trust him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): One of the problems of people who've been hurt in their trust and acknowledge that, is they may feel guilty they share trust "proportionately," not as heartily as they once have had, while their current partner is "so loving and sweet and does anything for me." Therefore you ask, how you can trust him. The answer is, you don't need to trust blindly a person when these "coincidences" give you reason to suspect. If you think he trusts you, do not feel guilty that you can't [reciprocate] to that extent! We all have our emotional past and naturally our past teaches will us to be preventive, learning from our mistakes - if we're willing to. What you should actually do is try and be happy and comfortable [with] the amount of trust you have know, waiting for it to intensify and perhaps evolve into even more stable and rewarding a relationship. Choose to feel wise, not unfortunate for what you suffered. That suffering makes you feel now more cautious, don't exaggerate however. You can well restrain a shadow of doubt until this relation teaches you it is trustworthy. Meanwhile accept from him all the happiness he's offering, don't deny him - or another potential partner for that matter to offer it. One thing you should NOT do: make him "feel" he is not trusted - by for instance asking repeteadly the same questions!... Maybe try and detach from your situation or ask a friend to answer more objectively, you haven't provided us with sufficient details to express a relevant opinion for your relation. And to trust is not a duty. Generally, as long as you find the balance between paranoid and precautius you will be ok. All the best.
A
female
reader, ameliedance22  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 hello,I can tell you that everyone is cheating I dont belive is exist one who loves you for what you are,is happening to me so in this moment but important is haw he make you fell ,you can prove him that he can cheat you and maybe he will stop and abandon you,Is better to tell him what you fell it dont tell him that you love him ,or maybe go with him in some place and tell him that you forget your card at home to see his reaction ,good luck tell me haw is come
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A
female
reader, missmanda  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Hello,
I am currently going threw the exact thing, Only the guy I am engaged to has also giving me many reasons why I shouldnt trust him. I want to believe he has changed, but its hard. I cant really give you an answer on how to make yourself trust him because I am also looking for the same answer, but I wanted to let you know your not alone on this one. Stay strong. :)
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