A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunties, I need some help. I'm 24 years old I've been single all my life, never been in a relationship and I've never been in love. I like to consider myself okay looking and I believe I have a good personality. However, I just can't seem to find a guy. For some reason every guy I meet is very short term, and it doesn't last. Most of my friends are in relationships and they always hang out and travel with their significant other and here I am all alone. Who ever is currently in a relationship how and where did you meet the person you're currently with? Where would a 24 year old find a guy? I don't want to be alone forever, I am a very big hopeless romantic. I've gotten my heart broken by guys I was never really even with. What should I do thats different to possibly meet someone? please help me.Where should I go? what should I do? please help.Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 Could it be that you are coming on to strong to guys and that is why it doesn't last? When you meet someone you need to remember to take it slow and take your time getting to know them. You don't want to move to fast or scare anyone off.
For me I met my husband in a nightclub. It just so happened to be that he was a brother off a friend. I think you could meet people anywhere. Pubs, clubs, activities.
Have you tried online dating? I can see it has been successful for a lot of people. Maybe try the websites that you pay to have a profile so that you are talking to people who are more serious about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2017): People who find it difficult to find lasting romantic-connections are usually socially-awkward. They only need to relax and just be themselves. Then your natural-attributes and personality will show; and that's what the right guy will be drawn to.
You still should take advantage of enhancements. Light make-up (or none) and nice hair are nice adornments, offset by lovely outfits. You don't have to be a super-model or sex-symbol. Just be tasteful. You're young; so the odds are stacked in your favor in that respect. Embrace your body-type. It's easy to blame men for wanting perfection; but if you don't like yourself. That's all on you! It shows when you don't!
Our looks shouldn't be a crutch, or used as bait. They are only the convenient tools provided by nature for visual purposes. It's what people can't see that they fall in-love with.
Wanting a boyfriend too badly will come across to guys as needy or clingy...even desperate. Hopeless-romantics sometimes try too hard; and don't always have their feet planted firmly in reality. They tend to smother people with love.
First, reprogram your mindset. Your age has nothing to do with finding love-connections. You'll make the right connection when the right guy comes along. You can't set a time-schedule on when that happens. If you have a series of short-term relationships; enjoy them for as long as they last. You're special, and a hard fit. So realize you're not just any girl. It takes the right kind of man. Keep trying. You'll learn more about yourself through the company you keep.
Enjoy dating. It's for fun. It's not a mission or a manhunt.
Read more about what men like in articles and publications by reputable authors with good credentials. Pick-out a male role-model and determine what the traits are he has that you admire the most. What works best with your personality-type. Then try to find those traits in the guys you date. Enjoy them for their special/best qualities; even if they don't fit your criteria. Quickly reject those who have bad manners, bad habits, and short-tempers.
Don't rely on profiles. They're advertisements and self-selling commercials. Most advertisements exaggerate. You don't know how you like the product; until you become familiar with it. It may take a few samplings to determine how much, or if, you like it not.
Try to meet guys the old-fashioned way. By chance and happenstance. Sometimes nature and circumstance guides the man best for you right up to you out of nowhere. Be vigilant and receptive. Don't turn your nose up; because he doesn't fit the mold or prototype of your fantasy-designed dream-guy made-up in your mind.
No! Good conversation and having things in-common does not mean he's a match. It means you hit it off well. Period! Set more criteria he must meet before attaching your feelings.
We all tend to worry how long a good thing will last; instead of focusing on the quality of the relationship while it is still active. Nothing good lasts forever. The strength and endurance also depends heavily on the quality. If you fight a lot. For god-sake, it means you're incompatible!
If he doesn't seem affectionate, requires too much follow-up to get him to callback, or hardly ever comes around. End it and move on. Don't stick around just to languish on it.
All relationships are different. Each guy you meet is different. Unless you get hung-up on a "type." Then you'll get the same results when you keep playing the same old record. Switch-up for variety. Enjoy variety, and stop marking the calendar for how long it lasts. Long-lasting doesn't mean good.
Stop comparing yourself and your relationships to others. You are different; so life offers you different rewards according to your capabilities, ability to deal with things, and what you contribute to a relationship besides "needing" someone.
Do you keep your insecurities in-check, do you make too much fuss over a guy, do you give-up sex too soon fearing he'll lose interest if you don't put-out? Are you looking for fairy-tale relationships that resemble TV and movie romances? Those are scripted and based on fantasy. Real relationships are romantic, but based on reality. So you hit snags, disagree, and he doesn't always feel like snuggling or spooning. If he likes to hold your hand, pulls you close voluntarily, and puts his body between you and something he thinks could hit you. He really cares for you!
Sign-up with a reputable online dating-site. Read articles about how to write a sensible and reality-based profile. Don't over-sell your pets, limit pics to current photos of you. Not pictures and videos of your cat(s) or dog(s)! They're not looking for a date! Don't overshare your bad experiences on other dates.
Let the guy bring-up conversation about marriage and kids. Take it with a grain of salt. Guys use that to soften you up when they want sex on the first-date. Sounds sexist, ignore me and see for yourself. If you bring it up first, he's play on it. It shouldn't come-up until many dates down the road anyway. Just because he says he wants a wife and kids doesn't mean it will be you!
Most and foremost... like who you are. Embrace your uniqueness and take full advantage of your greatest assets.
Change or discard any bitter or cynical opinions you have about men. We are not all alike. You're supposed to kiss a few frogs. Nobody is lucky enough to find buried-treasure on the first hunt. Don't take it too personally when a guy decides he doesn't want to date you anymore. You're just not his type, it doesn't make you unattractive or undesirable. You're not right for each other. Period! You may be ducking a bullet or a serial-killer.
Having a good personality doesn't guarantee love falls in your lap immediately.
Love is found through a series of trials, errors, and personality-readjustments; and a blessing from God.
Know your own faults and flaws, don't wait until other people point them out to you. Consider the source of constructive-criticism; the pot has no right to call the kettle black. Your self-esteem should not be so fragile that any Joe-blow can come along and stick a pin in it, and deflate it. You must be strong and resilient, and ready to bounce-back when knocked on your ass. It could be a long journey to success.
It's important you know you're pretty before you're told. If you fish for compliments and don't love yourself; it's the reason you won't get a boyfriend. You outwardly project all your insecurities, send-out sad-vibes, and men are good at reading them. Thereby avoiding situations where we feel trapped. Even tools are equipped with this self-preserving function. If he cheats, immediately dump him, and don't fall to pieces. He's the ass, don't let him make one of you.
Arm yourself with determination and patience. By doing so, you'll survive the selection and rejection process of dating and finding your match. It might take awhile. You're in your early 20s for crying out loud! Women live late into their 80s to 90s!!! You say you can't wait? Love decides, not you!
Perseverance and a constant program of self-improvement increases your success ten-fold. Your life is not scheduled nor dependent upon what other people have; it's based on timing, a series of favorable events, and when your destiny provides the ways and means to get what you need and deserve in your life.
There, you have been given the wisdom of the elders! You don't have to read it. I hope you will, I took time just for you!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2017):
 Youve never been in love. Not all people have the ability to fall in love, and some fall in love only rarely. That is why you have not "found" a guy. There are potential boyfriends all around you, but your brain isnt wired to see it. I think you need to train yourself on how to fall in love, and fake it 'til you make it.
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