A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I wrote in a few months ago about an argument between me and my boyfriend. I had gone on his phone as he had been hiding it everytime he got a message which made me doubt what he was upto. I know I shouldn't have but I needed to know as it was eating away at me. I found out he was speaking to other girls, some messages were him calling them sexy.It really hurt me as I love him, he had betrayed the trust I had in him and we were back to square one in terms of trust.I asked him who the girls were and he said some girls he met out a few years ago. My asked him why one girl was sending him half naked pictures of herself and if he asked for them he said 'no I fony know'. He also doesn't know that I know that he tried to kiss my best friend, who is also one of his friends, on a night out. This gets to me as she is slimmer than me, prettier than me, funnier than me and I get jealous over the way he acts around her. It hurts inside. He said he would prove to me that I can trust him again, he said he doesn't care if it takes days, weeks, months or years he will prove it to me as he loves me and doesn't want to break up over something so stupid that expanded over drubken messages. This was 3 months ago and he has been trying, he has been making an effort and showing me he loves me. He also shown me that he deleted his conversations on What's App and Kik, the apps that the messages were getting sent on. He still has snapchat which I'm still un easy about (as I phsically seen him watch a girl play with herself on there, why? I would love to know) but I had started to trust him a little bit, obviously not 100% but a little. Now I am having doubts again as he has started taking his phone with him wherever he goes, he has added girls on apps and isn't paying as much attention to me. Part if me thinks I should ask him but I don't know how. I don't want to break up over it as I don't want to be one of those couples that break up over something you haven't fully spoke about and give up. I want to make it work because deep down I know he is a gentleman who would do anything for me.(I also think his brother and his friends have a lot to do with it as they are 'lads' who think this sort of stuff is normal, which annoys me as my boyfriend thinks he has to follow suit)I would just like some advice on where to go with this situation and maybe a bit of help on how to stop the jealousy I have between him and my best friend.
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (21 January 2015):
 You were able to temporarily control his actions, not his behavior OR his desires. He hasn't changed, he has only proceeded with caution so that he could sneak back to old habits. I think the things he did, did not warrant a continued relationship with you and you have been too gracious as it is. In order to have a better future, you have to take actions to make one - different actions than than the ones you have taken this far in this relationship. He is not deserving of your commitment. You should open yourself to healthier opportunities.
~Sy
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 January 2015):
 IF he is taking his phone with him everywhere and is not letting you see it, then you not trust him with your past history is justified.
He tried to kiss your BEST friend for goodness sake? and you forgave him that... good for you.
but if he's not at 100% trustworthy and not 100% making an effort then walking away is ok since you had already TALKED about it in the past.
all you need say to him now is:
you promised you would prove to me you could be trusted and that you loved me and yet you have added girls on apps and are ignoring me. I don't trust you and you are hiding your phone from me again. IT's not working":
and then don't give him another chance because if you do he will be taught that you are all talk and he can cheat on you without being concerned that you won't forgive him.
if he does things you don't like and you have discussed it and he has said he won't do it, then turns around and does it. he's not worthy.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 January 2015):
 Hi OP,Everyone here can give you the best advise in the world, but I don't think you are ready to accept them. You seem to want things your way, and not looking at what you have now...which is...a time bomb.I know it is in a woman's nature to love and care for her man no matter what. But as a man I will tell you this...be 100% sure that your love, kindness, and affections are not being wasted on the wrong man. I have seen women waste years trying to get their BF to treat them the way they want to be treated, only to see him leave with another woman.BOYFRIENDS are not HUSBANDS!!! Boyfriends are like life long products you try out to see which one you want to keep for life. If that product does not suit your needs or cause you pain and grief...you replace it with a BETTER one. You do not spend years trying to fit something that does not want to be fixed.For every year you waste banging your head against a wall with your current boyfriend, that is a year wasted with a good boyfriend who would love to kiss your head better.Love does not come with pain. So if he says he loves you yet causes you pain...do you still call it love??
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