A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been txting a man ive met on the internet for almost 2 months now and i am meeting him next week. he lives few hours away and i need to know the best way to approach this meeting. i am not going to sleep with him on the first night so i am thinking if he comes down here to me and checks into hotel i will feel obliged to spend what time he is down here with him. if i go up there i can make my excuses wen i want and head home. or would it be more sensible to meet somewhere in between and try get home afterwards
View related questions:
my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 I just had a date with a girl I met online, and we spent the entirety of that first date at an outdoor art festival in town then walking around town in public places. I'm a guy, but even I don't want to meet up in private with a girl I don't know yet except through text.
On the second date, you can be semi-private, but I would wait until the third time you've seen this man to consider either of your homes as a safe place to be.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 If he comes to your town, you have no obligation to spend the night with him in his hotel room. You can spend a lot of time with him and never set foot in there. You don't even have to go inside the lobby.
The other option (in my opinion) is to meet for a day trip. It would require a lot of planning, but when people meet an online acquaintance for the first time, it is important to ensure your safety. Trust is built and earned; not granted until it is broken.
Below I have posted the safety measures I have always found helped me. Tailor them to suit your circumstances as best as possible. These tips have never let me down.
1) Meet in a public place. You will tell him that you would like to meet him face to face without having sex the first time you meet. This will (you tell him) give you a chance to get to know each other and make sure the chemistry is there and mutual before agreeing to meet again (or have sex, if you prefer to put it that way). You are entitled to several such meets before you engage sexually. If you hold yourself in high enough regard to take things at a comfortable pace, others will as well.
If he is not agreeable to this arrangement, then your "Creep-Alarm" should be ringing off loudly. Break contact with Mr. Pervert and move on... unless you are ok with "just sex". Then buy condoms and move to #2.
2) Set up a safe call. This is a person (friend or sibling) you can trust who knows where you are going and will call at times previously agreed to with you. If you don't answer, they know something is wrong. Also, call them when you get home and the doors are locked behind you.
Feel free to let the online friend know about the safe call; who is calling and why. It is common practice when meeting a stranger from online. He may have heard of it before. If he is not a creep, he will be amused and understanding.
3) Meet up on a week night. You're in a public place, having coffee, no alcohol. Now, because you have selected a week night to meet, you can "leave early" because you have school, work or an appointment the next day. Say this whether it is true or not.
This is important for the following reasons:
a) You have let him know beforehand that you have to leave early, so if you get the "Creep-Alarm" going off in your head, you don't have to endure too many questions about ending the meet early.
b) Your safe call knows when the date should be over. Your safe call will not be up all night wondering if you're ok and should they call again and when you may get home.
c) If you two hit it off, you will let him miss you. It will make him want to see you again and soon. You NEVER give a new person everything you have all at once. Prolong the romance and the "chase". That tactic will always bear fruit.
4) Take an extra turn or two on the way home (if you drive only). Make sure no one is following you.
Good luck, enjoy and always trust your instincts.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Yes, a short visit would be best for the first visit, halfway. I would take a friend or another couple too, just to be safe!
...............................
|
