A
male
age
36-40,
*otchip
writes:Hello all,Man I don't feel very lucky at the moment! I posted a message a while back, perhaps a month or so ago about my ex girlfriend. I won't bother recapping it all, we broke up, I wasn't over her, she seemed confused about how she felt, etc etc. She suggested at the beginning of December we don't talk over the Christmas holiday while we both go home for uni holidays, it wasn't really something I wanted or agreed with but I went along with it because it was what she asked. We live far away so we couldn't see one another or possibly talk. I sent her one text late on Christmas Day to wish her a happy christmas, I didn't expect or think she'd reply and she didn't. I arrived back at uni on Tuesday of this week, having not spoken to her in practically a month I had no idea when she was arriving back or if she already had. I didn't particularly care either if truth be told. However I was driving where I live at uni and the main road toward my house happens to go passed her university library, she happened to walk right passed as I was stopped in the car, lucky me! We hadn't spoken in a while and having not replied to my Christmas wishes I'd guessed she'd moved on and forgotten me. I didn't really know what to do so I rolled down the window and said hi but she seemed less than enthusiastic to see me. She did smile and laugh when she saw me, we both always seem to do it when we haven't seen one another for a while so I don't think she was displeased or angry about it. I just got the feeling that she thought I was somehow there on purpose (how I'm not quite sure but nevertheless) in the hope of seeing her. As above, I had no idea she was even back, I've been living my own life while I've been at home for the holidays. Currently, I can proudly say that although I still love her (I guess for now I "always will"), I don't think I 'want' her. She isn't the person she was with me (I guess that's a natural part of breaking up) and she seems to show less and less respect toward me as every week or month passes. I just feel incredibly unlucky (this among other things at the moment) having seen her, it was a 'surprise' to me, I didn't expect it and I guess it's brought back a few feelings I perhaps don't need right now (I have five exams starting next Tuesday). I guess my question is where do I take it from here? I won't lie and say that I wouldn't at some point like to get back with her, I love her and she's a great girl but I wasn't really expecting to see her for at least another two or three weeks. She obviously isn't keen or desperate, for want of a better word, to speak to me having not contacted me at all but what can I do? I understand the idea of just leaving it, forgetting it and leaving it upto her and that's the plan in my head, or at least it was for another two to three weeks. I guess I just view us as too good friends to disappear from one another lives in such an 'empty' way. How can I (eventually) contact her and strike up a conversation, to catch up and have a laugh again without giving her the impression that I still want to be with her. Silly as it may be I feel like I've already taken a small step in the correct direction, not speaking was difficult and having seen her this evening I know she'd have been expecting me to text her after or something to say "nice to see you" (perhaps a month or two ago I may have) but I didn't, haven't and don't intend to talk to her.Thanks for reading,Matt
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male
reader, hotchip +, writes (16 January 2009):
hotchip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought I'd write a reply incase anyone else reads this in the future. Things have changed a lot over the last few days and appear to be looking up. My exams appear to be going okay so far and I've felt a lot more comfortable with them than I thought I would! I did phone the ex on Thursday, she answered but was far too rude and dismissive to bother letting me say what I had rung to say which I guess is her perogative but I suppose it just shows how much she's forgotten about who I am.On the brightside, I was contacted by a girl I used to goto school with from back home who coincidently attends the same uni as me and we've decided to meet up for a drink after our exams are finished, so all is not so bad. I've also been considering for a while what I intend to do when I finish uni in June. I've grown tired of my degree subject (computer science, I worked in the field prior to uni) and have instead decided to apply as an officer in the armed forces which has also kick started me into getting fitter and healthier.Life does go on and things do get better!
A
male
reader, hotchip +, writes (10 January 2009):
hotchip is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you both for taking the time to read and reply, I appreciate it.
Apparently I'm not quite as sure and strong as I thought I was. I've been great for the last month having not spoken and being at home but having woken up this morning I feel awful. Being back at uni and her only being down the road is bad enough but now I KNOW she's there again it's just made me feel like this last month has been utterly pointless.
I'm struggling to concentrate on any kind of revision, there's a million and one things running through my mind and no way to answer them. I guess seeing her now was probably the worst time for it to happen and was the last thing I was hoping for. I hope I can find some middle ground and push her to the back of my mind, for a week or two at least.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): I think it's time for you to think about moving on. if you should run into her, strike up a conversation. But don't go out of your way to contact her!
She has apparently moved on so, I suggest you do the same!
Who knows what the future holds. But for now, enjoy your life!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (9 January 2009):
 Wow Matt. So far so good. I am proud of you. You are doing the right thing by not trying to contact her becuase in some situations the significant other will not give their ex lover time to breathe. If you keep up the good work, then there may be a chance that she will get back with you. Only time can really tell. But, as for now you know what you need to do, and that is to succeed in school and maintain your grades. Dating other people can help you get over her, but there might always be a place for her in your heart. If you two are meant to be then you will end up together but if not, there are many people available. If I were you I would continue what you are doing and wait around for her to contact you. Give her time to miss you because by texting her here and there you are almost reassuring her that she still has you hooked. Try and hold back from being the first one to text her.
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