A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of six years had broken up with me in April. I didn't see it coming. I was in total shock!Like any other relationship, we had problems. We've been in a long-distance relationship for so many years and seemed to work. At the beginning (this is when we were pretty much on the "getting to know" phase), we had discussed a lot of issues from basics to past relationships. We covered the part what we want from our relationship as well. He didn't want to get married again and have no kids. I agreed. Since he has two children of his own, he constantly experiencing financial restraints due to child support, mortgage, and monthly bills. I, on the other hand, is getting by with less issues. And since money is a major issue [with him], I agreed on visiting him in the US twice or more a year with my child. After two years of talking on the phone and chatting online, we have decided to meet in person. We clicked right away. It felt like I've been only away on a long vacation and it was nice to be home, finally!The last three was pretty much the same--phone conversation, emails, chat and getting together on special occasions. His family adores me (according to him) and i felt it, too. I was and still am welcomed. During those last three years, I've asked him about "our plan". I am 5yrs his senior and wanted to settle down. And traveling back and forth is not getting cheap. Although, I never complained about expenses, I felt like our relationship required some kind of movement. I felt like we were not going anywhere. Each time i brought up the issue, I got this "look" on his face and couldnt give me a straight answer. He seemed irritated because he said that he didnt know how he would be able to manage financially. He decided to sell his house and moved back to his parents in order to rebuild his finances. I had no problem about when he told me and always supported him whatever plans he made. However, not even once had he ever asked me what i wanted, or what are we going to do after his plan. I pressed the issue and mentioned that those were important to me and my future. I agreed on moving to US even though I already established a good life. So i reconsidered that. The last time i tried to discuss things with him, he got angry. And to my suprise, he broke things up with me. He said Im not being fair. That i made him feel less of a man each time i press the issue. Less than a month after the breakup, he told he's seeing someone else, but got confused with the "seeing" and "being" with someone. It turned out that he's already with someone a week after he mentioned about her. he invited her to stay over the weekends over his place. I nearly die inside, but composed myself and gave him my wishes. On top of that, he wanted to remain friends. I agreed.A month later, he got angry when he found out that i was considering of moving on myself by going out with a guy ive recently met. I thought, going out on a date would not hurt me. Ive been honest about my recent breakup with the new person so it'll be clear to him that im not ready for any form of romantic relationship. Point taken, he said and appreciated my honesty.Then my ex told me that he cannot be friends with me coz it hurts him to know I'm moving on, too. He calls, txt, daily. He said he still feels emotionally connected with me and feel more at ease with himself when he talks to me. And lastly, he said even though we only see each other few times a year, when he was with me, he was on his happiest. I didnt say much after all that.He's still with his current relationship and at the same time, calls me as soon as his gf left his house. He even send text messages as soon as he wakes up in the morning and calls throughout the day.This is very confusing to me. He doesnt give any kind of indication that he wants me back, and yet he can talk to me for hours like we we used to and even apologize when he cannot make the call. Where do i stand with this man? I am very much inlove with him. And yes, I would like us to be together again but couldnt bring myself to say it.Can someone please knock some senses out of this man or better yet, me! I'm still deeply hurt and want to move on but he's giving me mixed signals.Thank you for your kind words...LOST AND CONFUSED
View related questions:
cheap, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LadyBoss +, writes (3 July 2009):
Thank you all for the kind words. Sometimes you need to hear them from other people what they think of the situation to give you a different perspective. I agree with all of you and will promise myself to move on with my life and focus all my energy to becoming a better person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): this man is leading youon. he has no intention of being with you now or in the future. he is an emotional blackmailer. he is a cheat and he lies. why, oh why do you want to be with him. he will drag you down. he has already.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): If you ever want to talk to him ask him if he is willing to commit and be with you/move to you because other than that I see no point with keeping contact if he says no. To be honest you sound very nice and caring and loving and you deserve someone who shares the same future ideals as you do...those six years must have been great but I think it is time to move on after trying your best and hardest. Too bad for him that he is hurt but you have your life too and you already had enough hurt is let down. If he doesn't wanna be with you...then its his loss.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): I am sorry for your confusion and pain and it sounds to me that you are a woman with a lot to offer.
I think six long years with a long distance relationship is more than enough. Enough already! This man has told you he does not want to get married and does not want any more kids. What part of that did you not understand?
You have been wasting your time here, sorry. You obviously want to be with him and you are lying to yourself to settle for a no answer, non commital relationship which is what he has offered you.
The fact that he can move on so quickly to another woman (and do you really believe he wasn't seeing any other women besides your few visits a year?) and let you know about it, and call you the minute she leaves his house should tell you all you need to know about him and his intentions....he is having his cake and eating it too and always has and you have allowed him to treat you this way for six years.
This is not a real relationship at all....it is mostly fantasy on your part and you would be best to move on.
The way to do that is to tell him to stop calling you, stop texting you, stop emailing you and if you have to, change your phone numbers and block his email...but stop all contact with him so he cannot worm his way back into your life.
Then focus on you and your child and what you want for your life. Start dating men in your own town and vow to not put your life on hold for any man except the one who asks you to marry him......you know a real relationship with commitment
...............................
|
