A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically my story begins in school (college). I started dating a guy in February, who had a supposed 'dangerous' reputation for being a 'user' or a 'player'. I received multiple warnings from friends about him, however, when we started seeing each other it seemed as though his behavior turned around. He became affectionate, respectful, and caring. We dated all the way up until April...and remained exclusive during that time. After April we became an official relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend). He (my boyfriend), took a long time to decide whether a relationship was what he wanted due to the fact that the Summer was approaching, however, he made it clear that he cared and that he wanted the commitment. I visited him first after we both left school and went home for the summer (since we live 1,000 miles a part from each other). After the visit I was not convinced he cared, so I did what any girl would do, I withdrew from the relationship and played the I'm-busy-card. I spent most of the time working out and going to the gym as well as enjoying my friends company (considering I hadn't seen them all summer). He went away for a weeks worth vacation and came back a changed man once again. His affection and love for me was not only shocking but overwhelming. I finally became open with him and took my guard down convinced he was the real deal. After several weeks went by after his change...he decided to come visit me. During the visit we were together an enormous amount of time. He came and worked with me at my summer job and spent 24 hours a day with me. Finally we hit a wall and started arguing. The arguing was over silly things. Things that I thought would not affect him, because we normally never argued. We always sorted our issues out. The arguments were over things like his immature behavior (acting silly in public, although it is his personality being open with people) and a lot of it was me trying to make things perfect and be the best hostess possible. I ended up snapping a few times over stupid things..like over whether or not he enjoyed the food I made for him and finally he admitted he felt hurt for the way I treated him. He claims that I made him seem a burden to myself and my family and that he felt unwanted. I feel terrible. That was never my intention. After he left...he decided to admit to me that he had never seen me angry and that he needs to think and re-evaluate our relationship. I am confused...did I do something wrong? Did I truly put a dent in our relationship? Or should he realize that anger is a part of every person's 'package deal'? I have been trying to fix this mess up and show him I care and that I accept him for his personality. Yet, he believes that I haven't been myself for the 7 months we have been together and that I can be too negative sometimes. In addition, he thinks I do not accept him for who he is. He says he is hurt and needs time...that he loves me and wants us to be together but that it needs to be fixed. I try and talk it out but he claims he needs to fix it himself and he needs time. What is going on here? Can someone help me understand? I am an extremely impatient person (I hate to admit it)...should I really wait for him? I would appreciate feedback.Thanks so much.Yours, Confused
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): The way someone acts towards you in person has nothing to do with whether or not they are faithful behind your back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): I do believe he could be back to his old habits, however, when things were running smoothly between us two he had been the more affectionate one in the relationship. He had gone above and beyond to show me that he cares...Sending me gifts and romantic letters in the mail. Sacrificing his weekend nights to video chat me and and talking to me all day long on weekdays. I know facebook has no role here because it only is a social networking website, but he even introduced me to his friends and family through the website before I had even had the chance to meet them (because we live so far apart). Our relationship is also official, people are aware of it. I want to believe that he truly is hurt and I want to believe that him calling me everyday and still trying to communicate about the issue now is not some worthless act but a true desire to get back together. The thought he is behaving in his 'player' esque ways does not leave my mind though....Yours,Confused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Players find any excuse to bail out to go fulfill their insatiable variety quota. When they get that done, if you're still a secure target, they do and say the perfect game to get what they want. They bounce off any Seinfeld imperfection of their prey to hit the next one. Players are like a hot night club: sexy, exciting, fun, and empty all damn day long, ready for the next revenue generating episode.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): It takes two people to resolve a problem that involves them both. One person saying they need to "fix it themselves" is ridiculous. Negative points for him.
He has a point though. You were fine and loving and now freaking out over insignificant things. So insignificant, that you even realise this yourself. Negative points for you.
I do think you are looking for acceptance from him for all you are striving to do and acknowledgement for your love and effort. Learn to be more patient. Love evolves and grows, like a plant in the sun. It's not just served up and slapped on a plate like McDonald's breakfast.
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