A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help, I'm sinking in lust and love and I'm going bananas!!! I've fancied this guy at work from the moment he started last year; it has taken a while but we have gradually begun to talk more, stare at each other constantly and flirt outrageously! We've both admitted to each other that we enjoy it.... He even lets me text him out of work hours now.Some big snags though. I'm his boss, although he has already said he sees me as a friend not a boss, he has a boyfriend as do I (but we have an open relationship). My feelings go well beyond that of just physical, I'm in love with the guy pure and simple. At first I thought there was nothing at all from his end, but coincidentally since I have lost a substantial amount of weight, he has become a lot more responsive. i.e. the looks, the smiles, the stares, the blushes, the playfulness.My question is, where do I go from here, its got the point where I literally cannot concentrate on work anymore!
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Oooo... you COULD be putting yourself and/or the company that you work for in extreme jeopardy here.
Especially when it comes time to do evaluations/raises. If you continue on with this flirting he could use it against you either way. He could say that you didn't give him a good evaluation/raise because he was non-responsive... or he could use it against you and say that if you don't give him a good evaluation/raise he's going to tell HR (as a bribe). If it gets out to others... they could use it against you as well. E.g. so-and-so got a good raise because he and the boss are carrying on... I didn't get a good evaluation/raise this year because I'm NOT carrying on with the boss. I'm not saying that any of this WILL happen... it's just that it COULD happen. This kind of behavior is what gets companies sued for Sexual Harassment or wrongful termination (if you have to fire him or even lay him off).
You need to cease and desist IMMEDIATELY... and you need to make sure that he understands why and isn't upset with you. You may even need to go talk to your HR department... now... to make sure that they are aware of it.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it's just how things are now days.
Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Some companies are strict rules on dating someone who works for you. Where I work, one of the people must change so that they are in a different department.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Well, you're in a quandary. I'm sure in your open relationship, it's understood that you can have friends with benefits, but I'm also sure that it would be out of bounds for you to fall in love with someone else.
Likewise, he also has a boyfriend who I'm sure would be heartbroken to know that his partner was flirting with you. You could really get hurt here, both professionally and personally.
If you value your career and job, you'll put a stop to this immediately, especially if he has no intention of leaving his boyfriend and you have no intention of leaving yours (emotional love for another usually isn't part of an open relationship, as it's mostly understood that the bounds are for casual sex without emotion).
This could get very messy because of the laws of sexual harassment. Today's flirting could be repainted into unwanted advances tomorrow if you make a decision that he doesn't approve of. You are much more vulnerable, and you should be much more mindful of your livelihood than you're being right now.
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