A
male
age
36-40,
*bhockey
writes:This is a long story but to get the full effect and so i may get honest opinions u need to know the entire story thanks for your help everybodyso here it goes I met this girl on a camping trip and it had been awhile since my last relationship but I thought i learned a lot from well now I think different. SO I met this 24yr old girl on a camping trip and and i immdeitely took notice to her not how she looked but how she hlped out with so much and was willing to learn as much as possible about the outdoors as possible. this caused me to take a closer look and eventually decided to get to know her better. she came from a very poor family that was not able to offer much and i came from a family that was a little better off. she did graduate from a univeristy with a four yr degree and i was very proud of her for how she did that coming from almost nothing, so eventually after one thing leading to another we made love and we both admit it was the best connection we have had with anybody and still until our breakup recently she and i agree we are the most connected sexually partners we ever had but thats really not the point i am asking for help but I will get to that.. so i she had graduating from school 7months before i did and she went to a internship at another city far away and i told her why i am in school i will come and see u once a month every month until i graduate in which I did. we would have a great time although we did get into fights because i am a smoker and told her i quit a bunch of times when really i was struggling to do so but she also was having hard times and i did not want to add to them by saying no i have been lying i didnt quit so she would find out the hard way when i would come up and visit. i always told her that i am trying my best and will continue to try it was just proving to be a task harder then i expected and needed time and help. during my visits she did not make that much money and i did so knowing that she came from relatively nothing and being in a big city her first time and not being able to do anything is something i would fix and did. we went on many trips,plane rides, limo rides and we had a blast I thought she would appreciate it since we were doing them together and that I was able to afford it. things did happen like one time she got really drunk and accidentally shit on the floor,she was very embarrassed which was understandable so i cleaned it up as well as her, i also would get her flowers for no reason and offer to fly her parents up to see her even though they did not have the money. i also flew her out to Florida to stay with my twin brother so she could meet him and experience where i grew up. my brother hated her because of how she acted and this is when i noticed some things about her. anyways so then i graduated and got a job somewhere else and our relationship continued going well she would take her next internship close to me so we were excited. then the worst thing happened i lost my job and when i told her she was livid saying i am a worthless man that cant keep a job, i cant be trusted and i had to go back home which i did and she moved to the city that was supposed to be close to me but since i lost my job i was far away again. I never heard the end of it. It was my fault she came to a city she hated, i was a bad person for not quitting smoking and lying to her about which i did feel bad about but i was afraid to tell her i was having trouble thinking she would get mad, so eventually she asked me to come back up to live with her in the city and try to find a job there because we didnt want to be apart anymore, so beofre i did I visited my father and we had gotten into a fight and he beat me until i was almost in the hospital but i didnt go i went to a motel and stayed by myself bleeding and crying all night because i hadnt seen my dad in so long and yet when i do he hits me because he is drunk anyways the night at the hotel i really really bad needed somebody to talk to and wanted it to be my girlfriend but because of how she reacts to me smoking and loosing my job i didnt call her because i thought she would either say i deserved it, not believe me, or not care and say something like well if u weren't such a mistake he wouldn't do that. so i didnt however eventually i did and it she did exactly what i expected and i felt horrible inside and alone.. also i forgot to mention that when she moved to the city to be closer to me before i lost my job that it was a city with high crime rates against woman so when she had asked me to move in with her and try to find a job with her i started taking boxing lessons and working out more so that in the event we were out on the town adn some guy or something happenmed to where i would have to defend her i would be able to. she showed no appreciation for it either and didnt understand why i would do such a thing. so now i move in with her and the second day i was there i got a job. it wasnt the best job but it was a job and i worked at night when she worked during the day this is where things turned. she would wake me up really early to walk her to work even though i didnt get to sleep till really late because i was working and was very tired and if i didnt would get upset, one time she took my car without telling me,she started checking all my emails more often she had done this after a month of dating though, she cheked my bank account and even though still was trying to quit smoking would steal my cigarettes and hide them yet she would smoke on occasion the ones she would steal from me and i coudnt get mad at her, she cheked up on me at work, where i was going during the day yet i was just going to the gym and back to make her lunch and do her laundry cause i knew she didnt have time to do it. i always ever since we started dating would buy her flowers for no reason and most times i didnt even get a thankyou, i was drug tested and she started doing this because she would go through my stuff and sometimes would find vicodin and the reason i had these was because when i had surgery on my arm it gave me pain on a occasion and would sometimes take a few after washing dishes because of the pain so she would flush these down the toilet and tell her parents i was a drug addict and this was when her parents started not liking me because they thought welll he cant hold a job, he is a drug addict and smokess cigarrette. I hated this because this wasnt the case even though i had two 4yr degrees, a pilots liceanse and many awards from sports i didnt feel good enough and the reason i coudnt find a decent job wasnt because i was fire from my last but because of the recession, but she thought i was fired no matter what i told her and thats what she told everybody else. anyways dont get me wrong i did love her for good qualities and she did treat me amazing sometimes and thats what kept me around because when she did it made me feel loved and i thought if i just tried harder she would treat me good all the time. So one day we got into a fight and she through my keyboard across the room, and hitme in the face supposedly because i wasnt listening to her which i wasnt at the time because she was yelling and told her if she continued iw ould not listen so she hit me pretty hard a couplke times and called me every name in the book. so i left and even though i never got an apokogy and still was treated like shit unless it was after sex then she would be nice. but then i receivesd a call for a job interview in the same ciity her parents grew up in and so i went and was offered an offer i could not refuse so i took the job and i love it, I am treated like my knowledge of engineering is worth something and whatever i want i have and even live for free too so i am happy about my current job, but my girlfreind is not and her family hates me for leaving her up in a cold city where they think she is not safe and its my fault. in fact her brother threatened me saying i better not hurt her again or he will intervene. but that makes me laugh because i didnt take boxing lessons to fight off a large mouse and loose anyways so she hated me for everything i have done and in fact because of the things that have gone on i have night mares and my self confidence is almost zero. I also left out she cheated on me with another woman one time too anyways so i am not an unattractive person people always say i have a great body and gorgeous eyes and so fourth but I dont let it go to my head because i have seen the men who do and i hate how they think they are perfect because nobody is and yet i feel like since my girlfriend broke up with me that i did something wrong that even though i loved her with every piece of my heart and now it feels like she has ripped it out and is burning it, her parents reminded me that i wasnt good enough for there daughter even though the things i did were not to buy her but just so we could experience them together and enjoy life because we could, i feel alone and that i wasnt good enough, one night we argued because i was a liar about quitting smoking and she has never talked to me since and it hurts that i had tried so hard to show her that my love is unconditionally and all i wanted in return is to feel appreciated and respected but she never tried. NOW note when i did all those things for her and she lost the ring i got her as well in vegas too which i thought was convenient. i only did the things i did because i wanted to build memories together because she worked so hard at what she did and never had money to do anything and i wanted to show her that i notice how hard she works and respect her for it and that experiencing life before u have kids is something we could do together not to buy her!!!!!! I also wanted her to feel like she had a man that could protect her, provide for her if she had to lean on him and trust, i guess i failed to do so.... i deserve to be alone like she says because i lied about smoking and i am a drug addict according to her. so i bet u are wondering what is my question by now??? Well do all woman treat men like this? do i deserve better or am i just a bad person for lying, is it because she took advantage of an ugly guy with money is something i bet you are wondering? no!!!! because event though i do not act or let it go to my head know that i am not an unattractive person adn i go to the gym as well to try to keep attractive to my significant other which happens to be no body. I also am a engineer and a pilot so i do not think i am not someone that woman would dislike or at least hope not. Even though my perception on woman is very bad right now i hope one day it will change.. so my question is??? is it my fault, she was really nice person at first and for a while but the smoking thing really she didnt like, umm let me know if i deserved this and what ur opinions are on this entire situation??? I really would like your honest opinions. I am not sure how u people will see me but if u knew me i am a very likeable person, and try to get along with everyone! oh yea she always did say that i had a way with guys that guys always seemed to get along with me and woman would always stare and that was also my fault and she would get mad at me for it even though i reassured her by kissing her when she noticed something like that... well i will stop it here i hope someone will read this and i am sorry that it is so long i just had a lot on my mind and feel hurt and confused at the same time..thank you for reading this if u got this far and i greatly appreciate your time. i also know there were parts left out in the story but i cant write everything or it would be a novel of my relationship and no one would read it lol... happy new yr i hope for all of us that it is better then the last godbless and thank you
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male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (5 January 2011):
Happy New Year to you too, I hope this year brings you back your confidence. I read everything and it feels a little familiar. I have been there myself so I can relate to what you are feeling. I spent a lot of months questioning myself and blaming myself. I wondered "if this one thing was different, would we still be together". Reality is that she was a bad girl friend. She never appreciated you and I am sure all the times she got mad and accused you of doing things, she were doing it herself. When you were describing her at some point I was thinking "Yup she is cheating on you" and bam you said it. Guilty people start fights and accuse the other of the things they are themselves doing. It's even more obvious when you have no idea as to why they are acting like that. I know the hardest part is knowing that you did everything the best you could and still, things messed up. No one is perfect so you can't blame yourself. A girl who really loves you will help you to the end, to overcome that smoking problem and be there by your side. No one "deserves" bad treatment. I can't imagine why things began going wrong but I suppose she showed her true colors the more she got used to this spoiled life you gave her. You can't blame yourself for showing her this brighter side to life dude. She's the one who took this brightness and turned it into something bad. She's the one who doesn't deserve you. Yes I know you love her and that love will linger but face it...she was a bad girlfriend. You had a good aim in finding this girl but she just didn't work out. As they always say, don't let one person fuk up your life. In any relationship there are always hardships and she didn't seem to make any effort at all. A relationship requires two people working together to make it work. You know it inside your heart that you made the most effort and I think a lot of people here can agree. There were things you mentioned that made you out to seem like you were in the wrong but you've got the let it go. It's no use recycling the past in your head because.. it's happened already. The most you can do is learn from it. I'm sure you might find it difficult to move on. "Reliving the pain of your life is a choice you make yourself, you drag 'unresolved issues' from the past into the present only to relive them again. Often enough because you cannot understand or accept what happened, and hope that this endless series of reliving it, will somehow lead to some form of understanding or acceptance in the future. So begin to bring your awareness into NOW and stay there as much as possible. The past is over, the future is not yet. Be present in the Present and deal with what you find thére."It's time to move on. Its time to find yourself again and become the great person YOU KNOW that you are.
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