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female
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anonymous
writes: Well ive realised that everytime me and my bf do something intimite he seems to be very distant after. I spoke to him about it before and he said he didnt realise but its happened again and its making me feel i am being used. I know im not because other wise we wouldnt have stayed together this long, but its getting me down and im starting to feel like his bit on the side do you think thats how he sees me, im gf in name but he just doesnt treat me like it. Im confused does he like me or not or is he just taking me for a ride. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (19 September 2006):
 Well tell him exactly how you are feeling, that you feel you are a mate rather than a girlfriend and that you want to make a change. Ask him what he would like to do something fun and interesting, do something you havent done in a while, try and spice it and vary it a bit. All relationships go through the lull period. What are his hobbies, what does he like doing, what do you like doing together, work on those areas and get it more intersting. It could just be hes bored a little and doesnt know how to change it so just carrys on, men like the simple life! Or, Ask him what he wants from the relationship, where he sees you headed and ask if hes happy. Maybe hes just got a little lapse and doenst mean to treat you as a mate, but has got so comfy with you thats how its panned out... you wont know until you talk to him or try to make changes yourself to get him a little more intersted, it is a two way street and if hes like things are fine and you dont think they are, grab the bull by the horns and make changes, if hes not up for it then you may have to consider if hes the right guy for you, but atleast give it a shot and see if you cant make it new and exciting for the both of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts the person that wrote this, what i mean hes diststant is that i would see him and he wouldnt talk to me let alone make eye contact and it will go on for a bout a week or 2, then he goes back to normal i jus get soo confused. If ask if everythin is ok hes like yea but to me it aint its not like hes jus watchin tv or silence its like he completely just sees me as a mate... We've been goin out for a yr and a bit now.
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A
female
reader, Lostsoul +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Just talk to him again. Ask why he acts like it. He may still not realise he is doing it and to him its not anything at all. Tell him how you are feeling, unless you do he doesnt know whats wrong, let him know how this is making feel, by telling him exactly what you put here. Im sensing thought that its not just this part that is going wrong ? Maybe you feel hes moving on and are looking for problems. But talk to him try and get him to open up incase there is a problem.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (18 September 2006):
Hi,
Maybe you are reading too much into it hun, could it be that hes just relaxed in your company and after being intimate hes happy to just chill ? Id mention to him again and ask if there is anything up, if hes fine and simply doesnt realise it then id say he was just pretty chilled around you. does this happen at other times, are you now looking for it. Are you maybe feeling a little insecure for some other reason, worried that hes going to leave you so you actually read more into it ? Lots of guys are generally pretty relaxed, its good that he can be relaxed in your company. What is it that makes you say hes distant, is it how he behaves, is he watching telly or is there just a silence ? Try not worry, im sure its not a big deal to him. Ask him how hes feeling and let him know that if hes got anything on his mind he can talk to you and go from there. Ask how he thinks things are going and if hes happy with you somethign along those lines, not knowing if hes like this all the time its a bit hard to know why he would be so distant, maybe something happend to him before and hes scared of the whole thing ? How long of you guys been together ?
Take care x
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