A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend recently came back to me and we decided to give us another chance. Now we know our problems and are trying to work things out and actually getting along well. However, whenever a small problem arises, I get disappointed and resentful so quickly at him for what he did during our breakup - he had a rebound relationship with one of his exes. I know that it is not cheating for it happened during us being apart, but whenever a problem arises, his having a rebound reminds me of how weak he was, how he wanted to forget the pain by sleeping with the ex and so on. I mean, to me it is sort of a sign of him being immature or irresponsible. (because he didn't try to recover by himself, and because the girl he rebounded wanted to be with him while he didn't want to. I guess he knew about this. ) So whenever some problem arise, I talk to myself "this is another sign of him being weak, irresponsible..well after all he used the girl to feel better when he is low....".I know I am really horrible to feel this way, especially when he is trying really hard to be a good, responsible bf. What should I do? Am I too uptight?
View related questions:
his ex, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): No, you're not horrible for feeling that way, the thing with emotions is they're involuntary, we don't have very much control over our feelings (if any at all).
His actions while stupid, were an easy mistake to make, rebound dating is very common because a breakup can leave a person an emotional mess and it is very easy to look for comfort in the wrong place.
As long as he feels in some way bad for what he did, which sounds very likely because he hurt two girls in the process, then I think the ball is in your court to try to move past this.
If you view this as "another sign that he is weak..." etc. then there must be other things that are yet to be resolved but as you said you are both working on these and trying to rebuild your relationship. I guess you knew this wouldn't be easy but forgiving him this discrepancy is part of that rebuilding process and for it to be successful you will need to find a to move beyond it.
Good luck. I hope this all works out for you.
|
