A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've seen a lot of posts on here about people saying after xx years (usually 1-3), their bf/fiance/husband just doesn't seem to do the 'little things' anymore (like call alot, text, want to cuddle not just for sex, bring flowers, pay compliments, say i love yous, etc). When they stop doing those things ... is it because they don't care as much? Is it a sign that their falling out of love with you? I mean, if you still have fun together and enjoy the time you do spend together, even if it seems like its less, and you're not fighting or things. Is it a sign that they've just grown ambivalent in their feelings toward you? Or does it usually just mean they feel comfortable enough that those little things don't seem important? And if you ask them which it means, are they likely to tell the truth about what it means?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): Im sorry your having this problem. But maybe it will help knowing that someone else is going through the same thing...Yes..its me.
The paranoia is taking over my mind lately. No more romantic goodnight messages, no more "i love you's" to my face. Makes me wonder how could someone thats supposed to love me treat me this way. Making me insecure in this relationship.
So tonight im gonna have a talk with him.Tell him how im feeling and ask him the dreaded question...Is it coming to an end???
Until then ill live hoping that im over-reacting!!
Communication is everything. Talk to him about this. He may calm down you fears. Your not alone.
Goodluck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Hi there,
Ahhh, the "little things". I think it's a comfort thing, yes. We're assuming we're talking man-to-woman 'little things'... well, I think guys put a LOT of effort in those first couple of years. They're still courting you! They want to make SURE you know that they love you and they want to MAKE SURE they're going to keep you around for the long run.
Once they feel secure enough in the relationship, they don't feel that need to be constantly impressing you. Now, I am not a guy of course, so I could be totally off here.
It's like... as a lady. When I first started dating my boyfriend, whenever I knew I'd see him, I'd do my hair, put on makeup and maybe some perfume. I'd try to look nice every time he saw me. But, here I am a year and a half later, no makeup, my hair is a wreck, and I'm in sweats and a big t-shirt. Not my best look. But hey - he loves me. He's still here. I don't NEED to impress him.
Sometimes people just need reminding. If you bring it up with your guy, I'm sure (if he's a nice guy) he'll start being a little more romantic. Men aren't mind readers. Women aren't either. When's the last time that you did something for your boyfriend? Maybe if you do something for your boyfriend, it will give him incentive to do something nice for you. Today I went down to the place my boyfriend works and left him a $10 certificate to Subway, so he can get some lunch. It's not HUGE, but it's a little reminder that I like him and want him well-fed.
WHOA, I babbled. GAH!
Alright. I'll stop talking now.
Comfort is comfort. Communication is key.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 I don’t think anyone here can give you the right answers because relationships are different as people aren’t the same. If you and your partner celebrate for example valentine and anyone of you always go overboard then after few gestures your partner start to decrease his excitement over the celebration you are the only one who should ask him why he had stop it might be he couldn’t think anything that fits the standard you have set for your celebrations or he didn’t have money or he doesn’t think its important anymore not because he has lost interest but because he has become too comfortable in the relationship and this is where you must come-in and introduce some spark that will remind him why he used to enjoy going overboard. Rship is a two way thing some stop because the other doesn’t give back unknowingly the right spark is gone and cant be revived. When you are growing into loving one another the are two things that prevails in the end: you either grow closer or grow apart. Growing apart is the easiest part while growing closer is the most challenging part because you need to give your all.
Someone might have a different perspective. Hope you will find someone one day you will be able to grow closer with. And naturally your question will be answered to your satisfaction.
jovial
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (1 February 2007):
I don’t think anyone here can give you the right answers because relationships are different as people aren’t the same. If you and your partner celebrate for example valentine and anyone of you always go overboard then after few gestures your partner start to decrease his excitement over the celebration you are the only one who should ask him why he had stop it might be he couldn’t think anything that fits the standard you have set for your celebrations or he didn’t have money or he doesn’t think its important anymore not because he has lost interest but because he has become too comfortable in the relationship and this is where you must come-in and introduce some spark that will remind him why he used to enjoy going overboard. Rship is a two way thing some stop because the other doesn’t give back unknowingly the right spark is gone and cant be revived. When you are growing into loving one another the are two things that prevails in the end: you either grow closer or grow apart. Growing apart is the easiest part while growing closer is the most challenging part because you need to give your all.
Someone might have a different perspective. Hope you will find someone one day you will be able to grow closer with. And naturally your question will be answered to your satisfaction.
jovial
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 I think it's just a case of becoming comfortable. On the whole the little things tend to matter more to women than to men. If you're in this position why not initiate the cuddling after sex or the texting. I genuinely don't think it's a loss of interest though, more just getting comfortable being with each other.
CD
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