A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK, so I'm looking to see what you make of this...I'm with a girl, we arn't really going out, we're like friends with benefits, but we ended up agreeing to each other that we'd be faithful, and we both like each other, why we arn't going out I'm not too sure, probably because I don't trust her enough to ask her out.But anyways, I was talking to her last night and she told me she'd be calling off work tonight, because she was going to a party, she didn't know who's party, just a party. Then she assured me it was an all girls party, so I couldn't come along.I said whatever, I figured she was lying at that point because it was her ex-boyfriends birthday Wednesday and she's still with him alot. So today I was talking to her a couple hours before she left, she had just finished shaving her legs and was now doing her hair, and said she had to go home to find a tighter pair of jeans. So I knew right then it wasn't an all girl party, otherwise she wouldn't be out to impress.So she called me about an hour ago, saying she's really drunk, claiming she doesn't remember anything at all from tonight, although she sounded fine.At first she said it was just a bunch of girls there, then about 5 minutes later she mentions that a few of my guy friends were there, she named off the three of them (all three of whom have had sex with her in the past, and one who she's been talking to a fair bit recently), anyways, when she named them off on the phone her friend started giggling in the background when she mentioned the name of the friend she's been talking to (oddly enough this same friend hasn't been talking to me recently, seems a bit odd eh?), so I figure she probably banged him tonight.Then she mentions a bunch of college boys were there with her, and just the way she said it made it sound as if she ended up hooking up with of them.So I asked again who's party it was, this time she said "Kala's I think.", which seems like a lie to me, I think she'd know if it was her best friends party or not.I've also been suspicious of her doing stuff with other guys too, and I know she made out with a guy not long ago because she mentioned it in a FB note.She also removed me from her Top Friends on FB and added some guy who she's been hanging out with recently to her #1 spot.And it's pretty raunchy of her to mess around, she wanted me to quit smoking weed because it was "gross", so I did.Then she got pissed off at me for a couple weeks because she saw a picture of me on FB where a girl was sitting on my lap and I was holding her chest. Which would be understandable, if the picture wasn't taken before we even met.So what I'm wondering is, am I overreacting by getting pissed off about a friend with benefits cheating? Is it even cheating?Also, if not, what do you thik I should do? I would like to just cut off contact with her, but I do still like her, and despite all the other guys I think she likes me, she calls a couple times a day. But I don't want to just stand around and get played like a fool.I've even tried to ignore her, but she keeps calling and everytime I go to her like a buglight. I just can't help it. I don't want to tell her why I want to stop contacting her though, there's no nice way of telling a girl she's too slutty to put up with.So what do I do?
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female
reader, amber999  +, writes (19 April 2008):
My advice, if you like her don't necessarliy let go. Just do the same, go out and see girl mates and go to parties without her, dont make her your everything. Then if she gets jelous and begins questioning you on it, tell her EXACTLY how she made you feel.In the end if she doesnt care move on to someone who deserves you and if she does she will get jelous and then you can speak to her about your worries :-) hope I helpedxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): You are being promiscuous by having a friends with benefits arrangement, you are basically offering a stud service to this girl, you can behave better than that, you have to take ownership of your part in this, you agreed to it. Being friends with benefits means there is no commitment to tbe faithful, you can't promise to be exclusive and yet call yourself a friend with benefits, it doesn't work that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies, I think I'll do just that and move on, I've tried to already, but I never thought of not answering the phone.
I guess I shouldn't consider it to be mean ignoring her. I mean, she obviously didn't consider it mean to lie to me, so I guess we're somewhat even.
And in response to her lying about the all girls party, yeah I was kinda pissed about it. To be honest though I kind of expected it, she does stuff like this more than frequentley. It was just the most rescent example I could provide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): Well, even though I'm a girl, I say, play her game too... cheat on her, I don't know, or just leave her, because this is messed up, and it probably won't evolve into a relationship, and if it did, it won't be pretty.
No, but really, this girl obviously can't commit, and even though you like each other, you'll find more respectable girls. She probably only likes you as one of the guys she bangs. She'll always fool you. So, as you only like her, I'd say the best thing you can do is look for a better girl. You'll never trust her with what she's done. No matter how much you try.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow am I being promiscuous?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): Well you yourself said it all with that "there's no nice way of telling a girl she's too slutty" see i recommend you read that a few times. To me she don't seem to be just a "Friend with benifits" with just you anyways you should stop the contacts with her also you should not let her contact you just don't pick up the phone.Listen i been thru that lemme tell you it got to a point that my emotions got in the situation and ended up being hurt. So i would say that you dump her offer about her being friends with benifits and find yourself a girl who would be honest and love you and ONLY! you. I mean i bet that had to at least piss ya off about her saying that it was a girls only party then call you and say that there was a few guys THAT alone in a way said that she's wasn't gonna be very faithfull with you.So just dump her and find yourself a girl who will be with you and only you.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): You tell her she is too slutty to put up with and leave it at that....walk away if it doesn't make you feel good to be jerked around....
It isn't cheating it is being promiscuous, and so are you...
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A
female
reader, DeathSavesLives +, writes (19 April 2008):
This sounds like she's got some commitment issues here. You both agreed to be faithful to one another, and she obviously didn't hold to that. Personally, I'd leave her. You don't deserve to be played and lied to when you've been good to her.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008):
I'd probably feel the same way if she got pissed off at me for having a that photo up when she's doing this. Personally if you don't trust her break up with her relationships are based around trust and I highly doubt whether theirs going to be a relationship between you two the way you want it to be.
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