A
female
age
41-50,
*assion28
writes:I'm a 29 year-old woman and I recently found out that I am expecting. I'm a teacher, so is my husband, and we work at the same high school. We've been married for 15 months. I'm fairly skinny and I'm about 6 weeks pregnant. I haven't starting showing yet and I don't know when the right time would be to tell my students. Do I wait until I begin to show or do I tell them sooner? Please help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (9 October 2012):
"passion28", as a pregnant lady you can't escape "comments"!
If you are very sensitive about being teased (and I can't imagine you would be, given your job) please ask your husband for special understanding over the next 8 months. Most people don't mean to be the least bit cruel, but you have to realize that you will look unusual and different compared to the majority. At your students' age they aren't comfortable with sexuality in any form (even though they put on attitudes to the contrary) and may make insensitive remarks without considering the effects.
In fact, many (perhaps the majority) of guys actually find pregnant woman attractive and desirable. If you think that "pregnant" is the same as "fat", you have not looked very closely! I certainly teased my wife about being pregnant - and she teased back - but we both knew it was one of the ways we express our love.
The maternity leave question can't be answered here. You need to work that out with your husband and your doctor first, then your school administration. In general (I'm no medical person!) I think the advice to pregnant women is something like "You can do pretty much any routine thing you were doing before getting pregnant, as long as you feel up to it.". That last qualifying phrase is the clincher - in the later stages you will probably be fatigued and short of sleep, so it's hard to predict what you will "feel up to". If your physician decides that you have something other than a "routine" pregnancy there may be other restrictions. Personally I'd want my wife home for the last month, and I would support her decision to stay at home for the last half of a pregnancy.
Your school administration will be concerned about transitioning to a substitute, fill-in, or replacement teacher. They will be looking at the academic calendar and may suggest a holiday, midterm, or semester break as an appropriate time. You could also consider reducing your teaching load to a part-time status, though students are likely to whine about why you chose to continue teaching, say, the third and fourth hour classes but hand off first and second hours to Mrs Frumpygrump.
(Am I REALLY saying these things to an ENGLISH TEACHER??!!?? I probably lost points because I suggested a story from a science-fiction writer in my initial response. I never got along with English class. I didn't care for all that stuff about participles, clauses, symbolism, metaphor, similes, etc. I guess that English class was like the crabgrass in my academic lawn.)
A
female
reader, passion28 +, writes (8 October 2012):
passion28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback and wishes! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): Well i'm a sophomore in high school and i think i would like it if my teacher told me she was pregnant before it was too obvious. last year i had a teacher who told us but didn't answer any questions and wouldn't even tell us what gender it was. i'd be open with your students, i'd be appreciative if i was one of them :)
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 October 2012):
 hi
I know many people work right up to the day or some work up to six weeks before. And I know it is a financial neccesity for some to work up to close to delivery day.
But I also know how tiring the last 3 months can be. Therefore I think it gives you such a relaxing pregnancy, IF you can afford to take off the extra time, to at least leave some time after the 6th month and before the start of the seventh month.
And then to be able to take off at least three to six months off after the birth. Or longer if you can afford it.
The exhaustion you can feel in the first month after baby is born has to be experienced to be believed. Yet Believe me it is true.
Before you have baby please try to fill the freezer with some one meal size portions of evening meals (not the vegetables, just the main part). I use sandwich size snap-lock plastic bags. Label each one on the bag and date it.
Twenty or thirty of these bags in the freezer will mean less cooking later.
That will save you time when you most need that time to put your feet up.
So then getting the evening meal will just then mean steaming some vegetables and adding in the portion size serve which you microwave and add to the plate.
And don't try to be Perfect. Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy and put your feet up when you get the opportunity
Regards
Abella
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Really it is up to you and how you are feeling as to when you take your maternity leave. Some people take it early while others work right up until near the end of the pregnancy so that they have more time once the baby is born, again really it is up to you and how you are feeling during your pregnancy and if you are up to working close to your due date.
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A
female
reader, passion28 +, writes (7 October 2012):
passion28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your advice! The "rumours" to which I was referring were simply "comments", if you will, about my appearance. My husband and I are English teachers, and the majority of my students are sophomores in the 10th grade. I think I will wait on telling them until I talk to the school board, as many of you suggested. Also, when would be the right time to begin my maternity leave? I do enjoy my job and I'm not sure what month would be appropriate to leave.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (7 October 2012):
Tell your students at the time you make an announcement to the "general public".
I went through 4 pregnancies with my tall, skinny wife. She didn't start wearing maternity clothes until the 5th or 6th month and we made it known to casual friends and acquaintances - which is how I'd categorize your students - about that time. Close family and friends were informed much sooner.
Your school administration should know just a few days before announcing it to your students - especially since they will be concerned about scheduling maternity leave, transitioning your class load to another teacher, etc. If this is NOT a "routine pregnancy" the administration needs to know sooner, and the classes later.
There is a wide range of personal attitudes about pregnancy. Some couples tell the world as soon as a period is overdue. (Someday I'll probably hear about a couple hosting a "We Got Pregnant Last Night" reception.) But early term miscarriages are not uncommon, and it can be very painful to rescind a previous announcement. It sounds like you are rather excited (which is good!) but after a while you may grow a little weary of all the special attention given to your "delicate condition". Friends and coworkers may get a little envious of the attention, or imagine you are using pregnancy as an excuse to avoid duties, if you announce very early.
Others keep very much to themselves, even keeping the wife out of public view once she starts to "show" and not making it known until the last month or so. My in-laws talk about a relative - possibly one of my wife's great aunts - who didn't tell anybody until after the birth. That's certainly one way to avoid a lot of questions and unwelcome attention, but it also excludes others from sharing in your happiness.
What kind of "rumors" are you concerned about? In the U.S. at the start of the 21st century I think the great majority of people see pregnancy as a natural and normal thing, not anything to conceal. Many of my (baby boom) generation went through our 20's with the attitude that it just wasn't cool to be pregnant or have kids, but it's actually a very positive statement about life and the future. That really hit home to me, and others, when I attended my grandmother's funeral with a very pregnant wife.
Depending on the rapport you have with your students, and how comfortable you are with the whole subject, you have an opportunity to educate them far beyond anything in your course outlines. I suspect that any healthy teen will have curiosity and questions, whether they express them or not. They may range from the superficial to the eternal; from strictly factual to values and beliefs.
It starts with your attitude and approach to the whole subject. It is quite acceptable to simply read them a prepared statement. ("Three coherent paragraphs composed with complete sentences.", as they say in your profession.) Briefly outline your future plans as their teacher, tell them it's a normal and healthy but very personal and private thing, and ask them to respect your privacy by abstaining from questions and remarks.
You could get very creative with your announcement, perhaps having your husband "drop in" to your class, and they see his reaction as you "announce the news" to him. Or read the Ray Bradbury (very) short story, "Remember Sascha" to the class. (See http://www.proza.ru/2004/04/16-83 . Alexandra Bradbury was the family spokesman who announced her father's death this past spring.)
It's also quite acceptable to be very open and forthcoming with information and comments. When we were pregnant with our second, my wife and I were volunteers in a teen youth organization. Two girls in particular were very interested in the whole subject. Questions ranged from things like myths about food cravings, to whether it was a good idea to have kids when the planet was overpopulated. Late in her pregnancy - with another parent present - my wife let them see, touch and explore her big belly. They got to feel the baby kick, and I showed them where you could put an ear against her abdomen and actually hear the baby's heartbeat. I always thought that was VERY cool, and they were astounded. (No, it doesn't require a stethoscope if you lay very still and the listener is patient.)
And by the way - CONGRATULATIONS!
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A
female
reader, HardToExplain  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 hello! I'm in year 10, which I think is 9th grade in America? Anyway, I don't really know about if you're supposed to tell the headteacher or something about it first, I have no knowledge on the work side of things but I have experience from a pupil's perspective! I think you should wait until it starts to show first, then as soon as you got a little bump, tell your students! Otherwise, people will start to come to conclusions regarding whether you're pregnant or not. It's best for the news to come out of your mouth and not some pupil's rumour! Good luck! x
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 What kind of rumours? Being married and pregnant is perfectly normal.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 October 2012):
hi
First congratulations!
When you do tell your students expect them to probably congratulate your husband as well. On the same day. Thus word will spread fast.
So ensure your husband is pre-warned of the day you are going to announce the happy event. Though I agree with the other posters who suggested to wait until first three months have been completed.
From then on I expect the students will want to treat you extra (more than now) special so maybe remind them that pregnancy is normal part of life, it does mean you are an invalid.
And I expect the Head of School would regard it as a courtesy to be told, in advance, before the students are advised.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): "When would be the right time to tell my students that I am pregnant?"After you tell your principal that you are pregnant and your principal tells you and your husband its the right time to tell your students.Many, many, many years ago my eighth-grade English teacher was dating my gym teacher whom she attempted to pass off as her "cousin" to a classroom of 13-year-olds, though that charade ended midway through the academic year she came into school flashing an engagement ring to her colleagues. They were married that summer, my English teacher left teaching to have her first child, my gym teacher went on to a long career as high school teacher and coach, and his semi-recent retirement announcement mentioned his wife of forty-plus years and adult children. Congratulations and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, passion28 +, writes (7 October 2012):
passion28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I understand that my students will not be traumatized, but should I worry about rumors spreading to the other faculty, or just not care?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (7 October 2012):
I would wait but only until the prenancy is well established. This is a natural part of life and your students are not going to be traumatized by it. We weren't when our teachers became pregnant.
You could run it by the head of the school, not because it's up to them, which is isn't, but just to get a second opinion.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (7 October 2012):
I think you should talk about this to the head of the school and see what they have to say. In my opinion it would be better to leave it for another while until you announce your pregnancy to your students, at least wait until over the 3 month mark anyway.
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