A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:What is wrong with my mum? Will she ever wake up?:(?My mum has been married to my dad for 21years now and my dad hasn't worked in 6 years.While my mum works 4jobs a day cleaning to pay for the rent, electric, gas, water bills, phones.My dad just stays at home watching T.V all day.I hate him so much. He's a horrible person. He's always angry. I hate the way he treats my mum.I hate her for puttin up with such a horrible person. They sleep in separate rooms. He's so dirty he doesn't do any house work all he does he cooks and eat alone. He cooks his own food.What is wrong with my mum? Seriously I wish I could just slap her to wake her up. I'm so frustrated.She says she can't divorce him cause she's a Christian and is wrong in the eyes of the Lord.Most of her friends are single because their husbands weren't good to them, the got rid but my mom won't.She use to say she's staying for her kids but my brothers and I are adults now they've both graduated with good jobs. I'm in my second year at college.What is wrong with my mum? Please someone help me understand this cause I'm going crazy here.:(
View related questions:
christian, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): A person's faith can be very powerful, My aunt never married because the man she loved was a divorcee and she was Catholic. She wrote to the pope to ask for permission to marry a divorcee, the pope responded and forbade her to marry the man, so she never married and was alone her whole life because her faith was that strong. I don't understand it, but it was her life and her decision, just like it is with your mother, and you just have to respect her decision. I understand that it upsets you to see her treated this way, but the only poeple who can change the situation are your mother and father, if they do not want to change the situation then there is nothing you can do. You can tell your Mother it upsets you to see her being exploited, but in the end you have to accept and respect her decision.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 She's afraid of the unknown. She's afraid to be alone. Being with a lump of a husband is better than emptiness and the fear that she'll never find anyone at her age. Honestly have you tried to talk to your Dad? He's really the one you need to talk with. I know you don't like him, and have perhaps lost alot of respect for him but you really need to find it in yourself to sit down with him, in a calm way and ask him why he doesn't do more in life? Has he given up on himself that much? Don't shout at him. Don't lose you temper. Don't call him names. Just simply ask him why his life is where it's at and offer some suggestions that might help him see how it affecting you, as his daughter. Tell him that you're finding it difficult to respect him as your Dad, as a man and as someone who should be taking care of Mom. Maybe if you couch in in terms a man can understand he'll sit up and take notice. Tell him you worry about your Mom and you don't understand why he has apparently "checked out of life". He could be battling depression since he isn't working. Men usually mask their emotions by appearing disengaged or disintersted. Rather than lash out at him, try to be compassionate. He may be hiding some real issues he's afraid to discuss with anyone. Maybe if you talk to him as his daughter, and he sees that you genuinely care he'll open up and you'll have a much better understanding of the lug that's taking up room on your couch while your Mom does all the work. Do you have any connections, any friends who might consider giving him a job? He certainly won't find one if he doesn't make an effort. Be encouaging if you can and hopefully it'll be the kick in the pants he needs to plug back into society and do something productive. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): "I hate her for puttin up with such a horrible person. "
To be honest, I think there's more wrong with your dad than with your mom. I suspect you know and trust your mom better, so you're at ease taking out more of you resentment on her.
If there's anyone who needs a wake up call in your family, it's your dad. If you want to get angry and tell someone to change, talk to him first.
If you really want to talk to your mom about it, just tell her you see her being exploited and it makes you upset...I wouldn't try to make her tolerance a personal fault in this case.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Aside from the fact she feels its against her faith to divorce your father, 21 years is an awful long time to be married and then just throw it all away.
Despite the fact you say he doesn't pull any weight around the house or with a job, and he's a horrible person, your mum probably still loves him, and besides, nowhere in this post have you mentioned that your mum is at her wits end with him.
Obviously he's grumpy all the time if he doesn't get out of the house and your mum may not totally happy with his ways, but rather than divorce, there is other ways to try and improve things. Your mum and dad need to have a discussion to see if they can find some mutual ground to agree on.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 There is nothing wrong with your mum, it is simple she made a commitment when she married your father all those years ago and she has beliefs that people should not get divorced therefore she does not want to. I understand why you are frustrated and am sure you do not want to see your mother get treated like this, but at the end of the day she is an adult and it is her choice what she wants to do in her life. I am sure she still loves your father and I guess all you can really do is respect her decision even if you do not understand it.
...............................
|
