A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm tired of traveling with my wife of 21 years who will ruin a trip by becoming over sensitive and easily offended by any little thing. Otherwise, she is a rough and tumble type that jokes around a lot and a lot of fun to be with. But on vacations, something changes where she allows simple things to send her sideways, mad and retreating into a shell sort of thing. Then to restore the trip, I have to stick to platitudes to upright the ship. Otherwise, the ship keeps sinking. Therefore, I avoid and resent planning future one-on-one trips knowing that there is a land mine waiting to get stepped on and what seems to be a bigwaste of money.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2015): "allows simple things to send her sideways, mad and retreating into a shell sort of thing"
For whatever reason, traveling, being away from home, probably makes her feel insecure, "triggering" something.
If you want to get to the bottom of it, get help from a professional counselor. It's not easy, it takes a good counselor to help you figure it out.
There is ALWAYS a reason.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 October 2015):
 perhaps you each like a different type of vacation?
Perhaps you've lost that spark such that you each get on each other's nerves?
And perhaps you do not have enough defined separate interests to talk about when you do spend time together?
So shake things up a little.
Do something different
Do some separate activities. Then she can't blame you if thimgs go wrong.
Perhaps she is so jaded about the relationship that she is looking for an excuse to pick a fight?
Tell her to book the vacation of her dreams and that you'll do the same for yourself. Then when you each get back you will have a lot to talk about - regarding your two separate holidays.
My mother in law was so sick of my father in law objecting to her preferred destinations that one day she arrived back from shopping to announce to him that she'd booked a gorgeous cruise and she was looking forward to it.
He replied, ''Sorry dear, you'll have to cancel it, I'm too busy to take a break for a cruise.''
He had an aversion to cruises but loved outdoors fishing and hunting type holidays which mother mother in law hates.
When he awaited her response - expecting her to back away from the cruise idea she shocked him by advising him, ''I am going on the cruise. I booked a ticket for me, i didn't book a ticket for you''
So off she went and she had a lovely time.
Meanwhile my father in law nearly went to pieces and started to realize how pivotal she was in his life. When she got back he finally agreed to go on a cruise. He'd always objected previously.
He loved his first cruise so much that they book a further cruise for the following year.
And she never went on his preferred holiday again which always ccentred on hunting and fishing.
You have nothing to lose.
And you just may have the best holiday you've ever had and have a whole lot of things to talk about when you meet again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): Is it because you are spending more time with her than normal?Do you stare at bikini clad bods?Do you just drag her around to do what you want?There maybe something that you ALWAYS do while on holiday's that piss her off, have a good think, obviously a pattern.If she goes into her shell, I would suggest that she has some insecurity that reveals itself while on holiday's. Bikini Bod's spring to mind again, just a thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2015): I don't want to go with my husband anywhere anymore. The reason is that he is impossible to travel with. He makes tons of pictures, running away from me . It's like I am travelling by myself but he is only there like a gost. He doesn't plan anything, and never knows what he wants todo. It takes us forever to leave hotel room, between him going to the bathroom several times during morning, clearing his throat, taking long showers and shaving. He is worse than any girl in this aspect. If there is a breakfast Ina. Hotel, this is it. It takes him at least an hour to get through eating. At night he doesn't want to go out because he is tired. He becomes cranky and fussy and drinks a lot of alcogol. He doesn't care. about going to a nice place to eat, he likes to go the store, get himself bread and cheese and that his version of a nice evening. You know what they say: if you want to know a person better, take vacation with this person. I desided this year was my last vacation with my husband. I think we are better off to go by ourselves.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (30 September 2015):
 Have you spoken her her about this at all? If it's you that she is getting annoyed with is it at all possible that you could be part of the problem without realising. Not discounting your frustration or finger pointing but 21 years of marriage is a long time where what was once tolerable is now TNT annoying. Or is it others in general, or both? Could it be she is tired of travelling herself, unable to tell you in fear of disappointing you, could be Freudian slip ups? . My advice would be have a chat, air your concerns, get her input and take it from there. Like you, I would consider it a waste of money but I wouldn't let someone else sour my sense of adventure. Travelling alone could be an amicable option.
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