A
female
age
41-50,
vixthenomad
writes:In these enlightened times, love, sex and relationships are much more flexible than they were even twenty years ago. It is no longer shocking for a couple to live together before marriage, or even to live together with no intention of marrying. Children of unmarried parents are no longer called 'bastards'. Gay and lesbian relationships are often out in the open and in some parts of the world, same-sex couples can even marry. Not to mention that it is practically expected these days that a young person will 'play the field' before settling down. But, for all this libertarianism, one rule still remains - one person at a time. Cheating - carrying on a romantic or sexual relationship behind the partner's back - is still a contentious issue and if discovered, the cheater will likely suffer social rejection and the loss of the relationship.This is probably a good thing. After all, any kind of dishonesty is bad news in a relationship. But what about openly having more than one partner at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all parties? There is a posh word for this and it's 'polyamory' - literally 'many loves'. Ask most people you meet what they think of it and they'll immediately reject it as 'cheating'. Except that it's not. Done properly, polyamory is a mutually respectful way of life. It can ease the pressure to be everything to one person. And, of course, there is a lot of fun to be had. But does it work in practice? Well, it can - I myself was part of a triad relationship for a while - but the only way it can work long-term is when all parties can genuinely throw off the conditioning that says monogamy is the One True God of how to conduct your love life. That's a tall order in a society that worships the fairy-tale - two people finding Happily Ever After. For a start, those three (or four, or five, or however many) people may exist, but finding each other and being compatible is another story. So I would conclude that, like any of the other options in life, it can work if the conditions are right and the trust and honesty - not to mention the feelings - are equal between all parties.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): I am not into this way of living, as it is not in line with my own values and I would not enjoy living this way.
However it's interesting that you put up the comment (and I assume all can comment), you a right that it is a tall order to commit to one person and to have a good relationship. That is why marriage is not for everyone. I do wonder why though people feel that they need to have a backstop such as a third partner, or more than one partner, is it because they are scared to committ to a fulfilling relationship in the shelter and intimacy of one person, do they think that it is not worth the benefits.
A
male
reader, kirsch  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 my wife and i are in one of these fancy relationships, we just call it an open relationship haha. I firmly believe that these relationships can and will work. I will point out that in ancient times orgies were frequent and sex was like a good conversation. monogamy is instilled in us by our parents and them by theirs and so on, IT IS NOT INSTINCTIVE. More and more these days people are realizing that these biblical requirements don't apply to them. Ask yourself exactly why it IS that a person should have only one sexual partner ? If your answer is anything along the lines of "well it's just not right" or "that's just how it should be" then maybe you should put a bit more thought into this concept. So many rules and regulations in place controlling you and the way you operate, you, at the very least, owe it to yourself to ask why!
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A
female
reader, Sick with worry  +, writes (23 February 2011):
Ver interesting to read about your alternative life. Why did your triad break up? You said the only way it can work is if people adapt from monogamous expectations but they wont so this is a moot point.
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