A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Iv been in a relationship with this guy for the past year. He is a nice guy and i do like him...but the problem is that we end up fighting a lot, most of the time. Tiny matters escalate into ugly spats, and it gets really unbearable at times. I have a very strong personality, and so does he, and whenever there is a disagreement, neither of us can remain quiet. I know I should try and keep calm, but it just doesn't happen. When things are good between us, they are very good. But when they are bad (which is frequent these days), they are awful. Its not that there is anything major thats wrong...but tiny issues blow up into the worst of fights. What should I do? Do I need to take a break from this guy and take some time of? The last time i suggested this (a few days back after a major disagreement), he was in tears and begged me not to leave him. It was alright for a while after that, but again its back to square one.Please do help me out...what am I supposed to do? I like this guy, but not at the cost of my sanity...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Hi
Once upon a time there was this couple both with the good and bad...they both had strong characters and opinions but yet both very different..one was right and one was wrong..
so i said do you wanna be RIGHT OR HAPPY? he replied Fxxx off so off i went...for approx one week. I realised that we had a major problem because our seperation developed over A SINGLE WORD IN THE DICTIONARY nothing big or serious infact it meant nothing and nearly cost us our relationship because it carried on evolving....the moral of the story if both can't compromise then ONE of you needs to understand DO YOU HAVE TO BE RIGHT, do's it really matter, it's not giving in or backing down it's knowing that life and loving is more important than silly ego battles that waste precious time and are often about nothing. We actually wasted hours of our life trying to prove who was right with no outcome other than the ego feeling satisfied and a bruised hearts because of the battles. We learnt to understand each other in time
and said if we fall out we each say our peice agree to differ and always kiss before we go to bed even if we want to throttle each other.....life is too short to be wasted on trivia it should be laughter and fun and each day a new day.
Good luck you'll need it :) Spunky Monkey
A
female
reader, Mad.Hatter  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Hmmm, this guy really must like you if he was in tears, begging you not to go. Explain to him that you do love him, and you know he loves you too but you cant stand the fighting any longer. You need to show him that you will actually leave if he cant be willing to bite his tounge now and again. because if he really does love you that much then he'll do whatever it takes to keep youu.
Hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 The point of an argument is not to bring the other one down, not to be right, not to make the other person apologize and buy you gifts later. When you argue you are telling the other person your point of view and see if it's possible to compromise and find a better solution. There's a difference between men and women though. When men argue, they worry they are not good enough for you and they feel shameful about this. When women argue, they feel worried their partner wouldn't love them anymore and leave them. Men would raise their voices to proove they are right, in order not to face their fear of being inadequate.
So, when you talk, make sure you know what his triggers are and avoid them. Your role in this relationship is not trying to fix him, although never your intention he might have felt that way. You should feel comfortable voicing your opinion at the same time be sensitive to his need of feeling like a man doing things right.
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