A
female
age
51-59,
*izzie
writes:I know this sounds so stupid and i know ive figured it out in my head, well nearly but im a 40yr old woman who should no what to do. i met a married man who wasnt happy he left his wife of 28ys and we built up a relationship. we have been together now for 17 months but when the going gets tough he bails out on me. we have never properly lived together he moved in with his mom when he left his ex and although he spent most of his time at mine he only had a toothbrush and deodorant at mine. he has bailed out on me again last week and he says that he is bored {this time we managed 5 wks of being together without him leaving me} so far he has cheated on me and when i found out i was devastated. we patched things up and he said he didnt no why he did it and he loved me and he would never do it again. later on after him walking out again i found out he had took his ex wife away on a small camping holiday and when i asked him he denied it until i told him where they went and what they did {a close friend of mine had had a txt from the wife saying that they had made love and she was willing to forgive him and have him back} and then he admitted he had taken her away but denying anything went on. i asked him to choose me or her and he said me. he put in for a divorce and i vowed to stand by him but now he claims that he is bored of being with me, that he doesnt know what he wants and our lack of money is his big issue. he says that if there was more money he would be happy with me and we could work things through but i thought if you love someone you make it work anyway. i love this man with all my heart and i dont know how to let go or even if i want to let him go. im so down at the moment i need advise please dont say you shouldnt mess with marriages it was over before i was on the scene just need your advice thanks
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cheated on me, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, married man, money, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): You were having an affair with a man that was married for 28 years. Now you know how his wife felt when he was having his affair with you.Strange - if he was as unhappy as you claim, he took his wife on holiday and had sex with her. Come on, you are a mature woman, you can see the writing on the wall.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): The answer is obvious. He wants to keep you for when the marriage is boring to him and he can "bail" on his wife with you. Don't take this kind of treatment. One thing is for certain, when the marriage is over, it's over. There is no going back. This man hasn't really called it quits. If that was the case, no secret get away with his wife. There is no need for you to stick around and be second best, be number one. It's what you derserve!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2009):
This isn't going to work because he's not got through the break up of his marriage. Do you really want a relationship where he keeps splitting and offers very little? I think you don't. Let him go and find yourself a man who is comfortabale with himself and can commit. This guy will only hurt you.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (12 October 2009):
 I think you should let him go -- he's coming out of a long term marriage and he probably wonders what else is out there. He is showing signs of a man who isn't ready to jump right back into a long term relationship when he doesn't even know who he is or what he wants. You love him more than he loves you and this is going to be a disaster if you force his hand. He has already cheated on you once, that's a big red flag in my mind. He's still searching for what he wants and he's going to continue searching until he finds something or someone that makes sense to him. He probably doesn't even know why he stayed in the last marriage for as long as he did, only to bail out 28 years later. He needs his space and plenty of it. Anyone who has been married that long is co-dependent and the last thing you want him to do is jump right into another marriage only to freak out later and want out (or cheat on you). Good luck.
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