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female
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anonymous
writes: When is the best timing to tell my current boyfriend that my previous invalid marriage will be annulled?I had a short duration (3 months)of a long-distance marriage which was a disaster. My ex was impotent at the time of marriage so this marriage was never consummated. We seperated on Sep 06, I moved to a different state, later we both moved to different countries therefore the legal paperwork has not done yet until this April.I met my current boyfriend in June 2007, 9 months after I and my ex decided to annul this marriage and seperated. The current boyfriend is 3 years younger than me(he is 24, I am 27), the age difference bothers me a lot in the begining, he also gave me the impression that he never got over his ex-gf and constantly compared me and her which hurt me a lot. I thought to mention my previous marriage to him but hesitated to do so many times before right before I wanted to talk about it, we went to some hurtful arguments such as he compared me with his ex or he was trying to hide me when his family visited his place. In a word, I believe that I want to tell my future husband everything about my failed short-time marriage, but for a long time, I am not sure whether this guy is the right one. I did not feel comfortable to tell him as the cause to the failture of the previous marriage is quite embarrassing. also deep down in my mind, I view divorce as a personal failure-Ever since the end of this April, he took me to see his family and they all like me. The current boyfriend becomes more serious and I am quite sure that he could be the right one. However my annulment/divorce will not be finalized until next month. I am very concerned when I should tell him about it and what about if he gets upset that I did not tell him earlier? I wish I could have told him earlier but in the last few months dating, almost every other week we had ups and downs to deal with our own relationship or his hiding me from his family.I love him and want to have a future with him!Any advice on the best way to tell him about my previous embarrassing marriage history. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 First of all, I'm concerned that you see your (so called) "failed marriage" as a negative event in your past. I mean, you were smart enough to get out of it and move on with your life, right? In fact, I'm sure that you learned some important character traits that you like and dislike from your previous marriage. You can't help that -- you have learned about yourself as well. That alone is worth having seen it through to the end...
But, since your legal issues aren't quite done yet, I am thinking that you will need to "come clean" with your BF as soon as you have some paperwork (divorce decree, annulment papers, etc.) and prove to him that everything is indeed over and done. I think that would be the time to discuss it. Unfortunately, you might have an issue with the overlapped time that you were (technically) still married and the time that you were dating your current BF.
When you speak to him, do it in a comfortable place; your favorite restaurant, a favorite coffee shop... no matter where, someplace you can speak and hear each other. You could do this from home, but it should be from a neutral location.
Best of luck... and just to let you know, I'm divorced. Yeah, it sucked, but I also learned a lot about myself in the process of dealing with its reality... more than I would have never have learned about myself. The first thing that comes to mind is about how I treat myself...
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