A
female
age
36-40,
*azza13
writes:i feel like lately me and my girlfriend are not that good, its only when she goes to uni it all messes up, i start this october and will be nearer to her, but while shes there alone she goes out alot and it scares me cause i dont know who shes with etc, i hate it and i feel like my girlfriend doesnt care about me when shes at uni, it makes me feel so crap and i have a go at her for going out, its like tommorow shes going out to some ones birthday she doesnt even know, but shes going because everyone else is, please give me some advice i really need it!thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): Hey ya
What does your girlfriend say to you when you say you feel like she doesn't care about you, does she try and comfort and show you how she does care about you?
University puts a tremendous amount of stress on a relationship, I'd argue it is probably one of the most life-changing things a person can go through. Your girlfriend is young, and she should be doing as many socialable things as she wants to do at her age. What you should try and aim for is a compromise. You as a relationship need to spend quality time together, but she also needs to be able to go out without you getting upset and feeling hurt.
You say you are starting university yourself this year? I think this will be brilliant for you, it will develop your own confidence and you are in for making a lot of new friends! Please do not make the mistake of missing out on all that university has to offer because you are caught up in relationship arguments, it's not worth it in the bigger scheme of things.
You have what could be the best three years of your life this summer, that is something to really look forward to.
Please try and not have a go at your girlfriend for going out and having fun, she will end up resenting you and it will only cause problems for you. You should all be able to enjoy yourselves at your age but if your relationship is causing more problems than it is happiness - perhaps it is time to think about whether or not it is going to survive much longer?
All the best.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (7 January 2007):
 You sound very low about yourself and the relationship right now. You have insecurites, we all do, but you need to sort them out before they ruin the relationship. I know it's hard when they're away and you don't know what they're doing but surely, this is a good test to see how trustworthy and strong you are? If you were in each others pockets 24/7, that's no test is it?
You're going there to be with her soon but I suggest that you still give her space. You're both young and you should be out doing all those things too, and I'm sure you will when you get there. Don't be that sad couple who waste their most fun years sat in the house together, you'll only end up resenting each other.
Just let her enjoy herself and have faith in her, if she deserves your trust of course. If she's done anything to make you doubt her, maybe you should think about whether this relationship has a future at all. If not, then you need to sort out your issues, get a life at uni of your own and stop panicking about what she's doing. At the end of the day, if she's gonna cheat, she'll do it whether you're there or not.
I hope this has helped, maybe get some counselling to help solve your insecurities. Other than that, chill out and enjoy yourself and let her do it too. She can go out with whoever she likes, she wants to meet new people and you will too when you get there. Don't pin too much on all this, just chill and see how things go. You never know, when you get there and start having fun, you might want some time on your own.
Good luck
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