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male
age
41-50,
*anunsure
writes: Hi I am a 32 year old man, I have been in a relationship with 41 year old woman since I was 26 I now have realized that she doesn't want to take the commitment to the next level and well I do love her and I don't want to hurt her how is it that I should break it off with her? I do want children one day and well soon I guess and she doesn't seem that she wants any. I am so terribly confused and worried.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): Do you really want kids or are you in love with the whole family scene? I think she is wise to not want them. For her to have them now she will be 42ish by the time she has her first, 52 by the time she has a ten year old and heading towards her 60th birthday with a teenager. No i think she is wise. I had two kids in my early 20, then a one when i got to 39. I love them all but i would not advise anyone to have kids later in life. It is so much harder with age. You have the age and the experience on your side but also it can work against you. You get tired sooner, feel exhausted giving birth and seeing to a young baby in your 40's etc. Also what happens if you two split up? she is lumbered with kids, which she basically didn't want, to bring up by herself at an age when she should be having fun and heading towards retirement. I think she is wise. If you love her you will back off. if you don't then go out and get a young girl or someone nearer your age and start a family, but don't give her a hard time, she can't help her age, but it can bring lots of rewards for the two of you.
Take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): You just need to really think about how important having the kids are to you, or are you willing to have a relationship with her first, kids or no kids....she may want or is willing to have kids with you but may be worried that you will leave her if the two of you cannot conceive because of her advancing age....you may have to spend thousands of dollars to get pregnant, a doctors exam should be able to shed some light on your chances of conceiving a child.
You just need to have that talk with her telling her that you want a future with her....if you two want different things out of life then it is better to know now than after you get married....if you started dating her 4 years ago, I guess you did not have that discussion then because you were not sure what it was you were looking for or just assumed she wanted children?
Just talk with her and ask her if she is worried about getting pregnant or if she really never wants to have a child....I know I do not want any, nor did after I reached a certain age....having children is sort of one of those things that is just expected, and I don't think people give it enough thought as to whether or not it is really truly what you want and whether or not you are really willing to make the sacrifices it takes to be great parents.
I see an awful lot of marriages where in my opinion the people had no business having kids, really they don't want the responsibility of raising them and it is the kids who pay for that, but they just blindly got pregnant because that is what you are "supposed" to do.
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