A
male
age
51-59,
*eacher
writes:Hi folks, my dilema is this. I have known this women for nearly 3 years now. We used to work together, we go on well. She was married at the time. Any way i moved an hour away to Cape Town, but we stayed in touch via sms and i used to pop downand say hi.Over the last year or so i started being bombarded with all these feelings and emotions, im 42 she is 36 has a 5 year old daughter. But there was a safety valve she was married and i never acted on it,. I did eventually tell her once that i had fallen for her.she appologised if at any time she led me on, but she didn't, she didnt do anything.it was myself and i said that to her, and i value her friendship a lot more so i kept it that. we still stayed in touch smsing, sumtimes i phoned but just being a friend for a friend.Any way to cut along story short 2009 November she left her husband, not because of me, because she saw her marriage as failed, she had tried so hard. she now lives with her daughter in an apartment.Any how her hubby understanbly is upset and i guess can be a bit of an ordeal. December i went down to where she stays to be a friend for a friend. I have no alterior motives what so ever.but one night i got a bit happy on gogo juice and i smsd her what i felt about her, spilled the beans so to speak..well over emphasised it a bit..any how i felt bad as i didnt want to add to her troubles as she is newly seprated, so before i left i made it clear i never intended to make her feel uncomfortable or weird, i know im not her saviour as she called it, and i'm here for a friend. I went home, but the thought of of losing this lady has a good friend really bothered me, so i sms'd that to her and told her basically that what i said was basically a poor choice considering the circumstances,and my friendship is genuine.she said its fine and all good..so cool. look guys i didnt ask to feel this way about her, but neither did she and its life sometimes we cant have what we wnat. Since then the sms's have been friendly, its hard to phone because she works in the restaurant trade. I am dealilng with these feelings, but i think she feels awkward. since then i came back jan 3rd, alls been good, ive sms'd her a cuple of times, sent kjokes, motivational messages, slipped in a miss u,u no inspirational qoutes letting her know she is special.and just being a friend. well recently she smsd me told me that she got a new job on sunday i smsd back congrats and sent one on monday giving her a boost,. since then i didnt hear a peep. i smsd on weds cracking a joke and just asking how her new jobs going and wishing her all the best. but i havent heard a peep from her for a week now, and my mind races, that i have done something qwrong, have i annoyed her, have i unintentionally annoyed her with my feelgood messages, have i overemphasised on how valued she is..(her husband never really appreciated her)And now i dont know how to be,like i said she is newly seperated with a 5 year old girl, living on her own, so a new environment,just started a new job. Are my sms no matter how good intentional they are meant to be..is my sms'ing driving her away, i do not want to lose my friend. what shall i do..shall i stop, but then i worry she may think i dont care,i am lost..please advise Reply to this Question
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male
reader, reacher +, writes (14 January 2010):
reacher is verified as being by the original poster of the question also older sister, i would like to thank you for your advice, because i know the route i need to take.before i damage our friendship. my feelings i know arent about me, and i know its not about me..but im human, i made a little mistake, i wont again.she is a dear and wonderful friend,priceless in fact, but tell me is it wrong of me to send an isnpirational message now and again.
A
male
reader, reacher +, writes (14 January 2010):
reacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes you are actually right.my intentions were good and i never inrtended to come across as me me.. i have tried to make amends.i cant be there physically as i live an hour away. but i will drop an sms now and again to say hi, how she doing etc,i have let her know as well that if she needs anything, just to holler. i havent mentioned my feelings since that time, and like i said i do value my friends, and if i see an inspirational qoute i will send it to lift their spirits up, and i wished her success in her new job. but thats as far as i go, if i see her i will just say hi, and be a friend.but for the meantime i sent the congrats message weds, and i shall just leave it now. thank you.for your advice
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A
male
reader, reacher +, writes (14 January 2010):
reacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes you are actually right.my intentions were good and i never inrtended to come across as me me.. i have tried to make amends.i cant be there physically as i live an hour away. but i will drop an sms now and again to say hi, how she doing etc,i have let her know as well that if she needs anything, just to holler. i havent mentioned my feelings since that time, and like i said i do value my friends, and if i see an inspirational qoute i will send it to lift their spirits up, and i wished her success in her new job. but thats as far as i go, if i see her i will just say hi, and be a friend.but for the meantime i sent the congrats message weds, and i shall just leave it now. thank you.for your advice
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