A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneAbout 7 months ago i met a great girl. I really like her and i believe she likes me too (sometimes).She goes hot and cold. I know she is very stressed with her work, has trust issues and currently works as an au pair and hates that she doesn't have any time to herself or her own place. Usually i would say she gets in touch with me when she is lonely, but it seems in this case to be she gets in touch with me when she feels happy and positive. we have a great time and then she goes cold, like the stress of her situation gets her down. she won't talk much and the few things she says are about how she hates her job.When she is "Hot" she is so kind, always complimenting me, writing to me all day, wanting to meet, sending really long messages. She lives a few hours away so meeting hasn't been easy due to her going cold.she goes cold suddenly and is totally different. We could (and have) speak until 4am one day and then she barely talks to me for 2 weeks.Her current contract will end in 6 months, so part of me wonders if she could feel less stress after that as she has said she will move, get her own place and a different job.I know many of you will tell me i should just forget about her, move on. And i am trying to live my life without thinking about her or hoping, but i do really like her and if there is any hope i would like to try to make something work. I've had 3 long term relationships before and even though this hasn't become anything, i feel more strongly for her than i ever have for anyone before.she doesn't have a boyfriend, and doesn't even seem to have many male friends at all. She once told me she finds it really difficult to trust new people so she prefers to keep only a small group of friends. But the way she acts has often made me wonder if she had a bf, but if she does he is well hidden in all forms of her social media.My question isWhen she goes cold, what would you suggest i do?Not contact her at all and wait for her to contact?or try to be there for her and help her?I found if i contact her she replies but stops replying after a few messages. whereas if i wait she usually gets in touch the next time she is warm again. when i first met her she said she wanted a relationship, but once she went cold although i didn't ask her she said she didn't feel she even has time to have friends and really seems down about it.
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 February 2016):
 If she finds it difficult to trust people and she is unhappy at the moment, well then it will make it difficult for you both to move on to the next level.
Next time she is happy talk to her, tell her that you like her. Tell her you would like to take things further once she has the time. Ask her how she feels? Tell her it upsets you when she doesn't contact you, tell her you are aware that she has a busy life, but that you love to hear from her. See how that goes. Talking and communicating is what is going to help you both here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2016): How often do you get to see this girl in person? My suggestion would be to talk to her about this the next time she is "warm" to communicating with you.
Try to ask in a gentle way. Ask her if there is a reason why she seems to limit her contact with you sometimes, and ask her how she would like you to communicate with her when she does. Would she like you to send a periodic message to her even when she doesn't send a response? Would she prefer to set a time to talk next and go no contact until then? Does she think you send too many texts, and gets stressed trying to answer every text?
After that, consider how this makes you feel and let her know. How does it make you feel when she quits responding to your messages? Don't accuse her of anything, just inform her of the expectations you held about communicating with her, and see what she says.
Hopefully after the discussion you can both try to see the other's point of view, and come up with a compromise of some kind. Maybe you text once or twice a day only? Maybe you can make more time to see each other in person?
Best of luck, let us know how it goes.
...............................
|
