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*hickypea2005
writes: My friends don't make me happy any more. Well not all of them, just one in particular, but most of them follow her. Her mum died 8 months ago and I was there for and supported her and recently I had an abortion and the day after I returned from hospital she shouted at me because I took my partner with me and not her. Now I want to move in with my partner and she gets mad about it every time I bring it up. She doesn't like him and used to slag him off to my face, she doesn't even know him. Now why should I take the time to get to know any of her boyfriends? She never listens to my problems because apparently her life is worse, but my other best friend does. Every time I try to tell her something I want she flies off the handle about it, now I can't even tell her or any of my friends that I want a have children with my partner as they would just shout at me. All I want is for someone to listen and not judge. Just because they don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't, does it? I feel I can't even say anything without it getting thrown back in my face immediately or sometime down the line. When we fell out just after my abortion I refused to speak to her for a week until she apologised for her behaviour; was I right to do that? Every time she sees me out with my partner she goes weird and goes out of her way to make me feel bad. Should I just dump my friend and find new ones? She thinks the entire world is against her and the way she's going it will be. What do you think should I just let go of her and hope that teaches her a lesson? I've been close to her for 18 years but I just can't handle her no more.
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reader, chickypea2005 +, writes (26 June 2005):
Now, my problem has gotten worse, I want to have a baby with my partner and she found out and has screamed at me. Also I told her I didn't want a holiday with my friends next year as I'm going Mexico with my partner as well and couldn't afford both. She has gone wierd again. I have made a decision to move out of my town and just forget about her, when she asks why I will give her the truth that everyone leaves her because of her attitude (other friends have left too.) She seems to choose her target and this time it's me, then she cries and says she has no friends. I'm just going to leave her as I think that I'd be happier without her. What does everyone think? HELP!!!!
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reader, Wendyg  +, writes (26 June 2005):
 It appears that she is jealous of what you have. I had a friend that was similar to this. At one point I would be there for her all the while and then when it came to me needing her she didnt want to know, purely and simply because it didnt make her world any better. She was jealous that i had a boyfriend and a future with a man that she didnt. She would be nice when she had to be, but when it counted she was never there for me. In the end I told her that I thought she was selfish and that if she continued to be one tracked and self absorbed that she would end up on her own. She eventually listend to me and is a bit better now. She didnt like being told, but the brutal truth is the only way... you need to tell your friend that whilst you will be there for her, being self absorbment never helped anyone, she needs to understand that to get respect she needs to respect others, and to understand that friendship is a two way street. Until you front her and tell her she may not see the error of her ways. have a frank open discussion and see if you can somehow met in the middle, she may not see that shes being selfish, but explain to her that you would like to remain freinds and help her out if needs be, but you would also like the support back. This should make her see that she not the only one in the world that counts and hopefully she will see you are doing your best to help her.
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