A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright so my boyfriend and I have been together 11 months and 2 weeks. We have a sort of long distance relationship, but when he comes home he lives next door to me. But, ever since our relationship started after awhile i get over him being away and it's easier for me to deal with him being gone. But, recently he just came back today and i wasn't as excited, i was more cautious and i feel like i might have hurt his feelings and i definatly feel like i have inflicted emotional harm on myself. it's just while he's away i get used to being "single", and self-sufficent. When i say "single" i just mean being on my own. I would NEVER, EVER be unfaithful to my boyfriend i love him very much. it's simple little things like his smile, his beautiful eyes, his soft hair, and how he is so funny and never judges me or anyone else and also just how he takes me seriously cares for me and also makes me feel really special. no one else has ever made me feel that way before but, when he came home tonight and came over to my place i just felt so emotional not there. like part of me was in my room cleaning or reading a book. is this normal? i just am so worried that maybe i just fell out of love him, god no please. i care and love him so much, and he is the most trusting person i have ever met in my entire life. and from the moment i saw him two years ago i just felt something. i am really worried. i just hope it is me being familiar with him being gone and also stress with me possibly having ovarian cists, and appendicitis. i went to the ER and ever since then (monday) i just feel so stressed out and unlike myself, not to mention the constant pain i have in my stomach. i have irritable bowel syndrome so you know. but, i am really worried please help. it doesn't really help me feel any better when we were talking in the kitchen and he was talking about helping his friend out tomorrow move boxes and how he might not go with me to a concert that night because he hasn't seen his friends for 3 and a half months and then he said "i haven't seen my friends, and i...just...want..to..see other..people." i know he didn't mean it in the familiar it's not you, it's me. i just want to see other people. but, just it kind of hurt when he said that too me. i don't know why exactly. there is no problem with him seeing his friends, i know better then to come between a guy and his friends. i just feel very hurt, confused, and scared.when i say scared i mean i never have had anyone that i was this close too and also had a romantic relationship. i have best friends that are girls but it's differrent with him. he makes me so nervous and i feel very vulnerable all the time. i can be myself with him it's just me being a downer on myself i feel.please any suggestions with any of this?i just really need someone to talk too.
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female
reader, rose the relationship solver  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 im in the same situation as you i live 270 miles away from my fiance...he in bristol and i in lincolnshire, its hard we been together 6/7 months. only get to see each other 1/2 times a month and he at college. when he does come down he stays with me but not for long and the same with me. its hard to deal with if you head over heels and they live that far, i cry kick punch and scream coz i think its so unfair and i blame my self all the time saying why did my love of my life have to live so far...it kicks you in the arse but you think u cant cope, but the onli thing keeping the relationship going is the love between you both and the thoughts saying we will see each other again. and you feel single because he aint there beside you i get the same thing...but every time i see him i end up so happy i break down and cuddle him and dont let go....if you ever need a chat messege me
A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Hi, im in kind of a similar sitation to yours - my boyfriend goes to university so is away for long periods at a time, but then comes home and is only about half an hour away. I completely understand the feeling of being "single" while theyre away - i dont think its that you're any less in love with him, i think its more likely to be a defense mechanism to deal with him not being around. I used to be a wreck whenever my boyfriend went back to his uni, but now i just cope with it by reminding myself that i'm capable of being without him; that doesnt mean i love or even miss him any less, its just what you have to do to get through the time you're apart.
I think its most likely that you're over-worrying about this because of the stress you're feeling due to your medical concerns (i hope everything turns out ok by the way!). Give everything a little while to settle back into a routine and i'm sure you'll feel better and more secure about all this - in the meantime if you need to talk feel free to send me a pm :)
Good luck!! xx
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