A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm now 6 weeks into a new relationship with a great guy. He's fun and outgoing, and i had my hopes high for the bedroom department. But it turns out that he has a very low sex drive. In my experience of being with a new partner, i was more than happy for the regular sex that you'd usually expect. But, on average, we've only been having sex once a week even though we've spent a lot of time together.I asked him outright if he was self conscious or if there were any problems, but he simply said that he just isn't a guy that cares that much for sex anymore, and that he's gotten it "out of his system".I'm 19 and he's 22, and he had himself a bit of a reputation before we met for sleeping around. At first he was determined to prove to me that he didnt just want me for sex, and i believed him. He said that he isn't still trying to prove it, but that he's generally not interested in having sex often.Whereas he's happy with once a week, i'd be much more satisfied with 3 or 4 times a week. Any suggestions on ways to increase his sex drive? I even tried dressing up for him and he took no interest. I love him to bits, and don't want to get upset just because of lack of sex. He doesn't understand why its so important to me and i don't know how to explain it either. I don't want it to look like its the only thing i care about.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): If he was a horn-dog in the past then the guy shouldn't be sitting there acting like he doens't understand your desire. At the least he should sympathize that he doesn't blame you and he could try to give it what he's got.
And like others said, he could be doing some non-intercourse stuff. cuddling & kissing & foreplay, etc. Maybe he doesn't wanna have intercourse every day but there's more to sex than that.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 I've been in the same boat before, my last boyfriend was a sex once a week kind of guy - and even then that was with me initiating. I did the dressing up, toys, fulfilling various fantasies and none of it worked.
Unfortunately I found after a couple of years of dressing up, completely catering to his sexual needs in an attempt to coax him to meet mine I felt completely unsatisfied.
Aside from taking some kind of supplements I don't think there's any way to increase his libido, and if he's not bothered I can't imagine he will be willing to go to that extreme.
Does he masturbate frequently?
How does he feel about foreplay? I mean does he pleasure you in other ways more than once a week or vice versa? Would that be a reasonable negotiation for you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): original poster here -
Yeah i know what you mean, DLover...most people expect it to be the guy who has a higher sex drive.
With the stories i had heard before us getting together about him being extremely sexually active i was kinda excited by that thought, so to discover the complete opposite you can imagine my surprise.
Not sure if i'm going to recieve many more comments on this one, but fingers crossed.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (19 July 2009):
It's strange, usually the reverse happens more often ! I am certainly adding this to my watch list, as I am interested to know what people have to say about this.
Maybe you should tell him how attractive you think he is, and you want to feel closer to him. Only if it is true, insist that sex with him is unlike anything you've met before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Ooh this is difficult as you seem to be physically incompatible.You have a high sex drive and he has a low one and even you trying to make him more physical failed.There are a lot of questions on here of people who have partners who dont have sex and want sex as much as they do.all i can suggest is masturbate more as you may seem to appear pushy and forcing him into sex which you obviously dont want to do as you love him.Even just talking to him about it and see what he says more.
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