A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is over 300 pounds. I don't love him any less because of his weight (I am also 130 pounds), but when it comes to intimacy I am turned off. I feel terrible to think this way but I can't help it. He is trying to lose weight but I am afraid he isn't making progress. Help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): I love him and do not plan on leaving him or anything because of his weight. It just makes me a little uncomfortable. I have aspects of myself that I'm not comfortable with as well so sometimes I think I shouldnt complain. I actually have scars on my face and body. I'm sure he has dealt with his mother's death. He is so sweet and says I am the reason he goes to the gym now...he wants to be handsome for me.As for cooking, no I don't cook for him. We don't live together.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 losing weight and keeping it off is so hard...
I had gastric bypass 18 months ago to help me lose weight and keep it off... it was life changing in many ways.
you are a good person to love someone despite the wrappings. so many folks judge obese folks negatively.
I am sure at 300 pounds he's not happy either. I am betting he does not feel very sexy or hot either.
Perhaps you guys could start taking a bit of a walk together every day... some exercise will help... and maybe once he starts losing a bit he will be motivated to lose more.
do you cook for the two of you? can you make healthy meals for dinner at least???
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (21 April 2011):
Reading your follow up post I would say you just have to stick in there, and support and encourage him. If he used to go to work out and it is only due to a death that he has gained weight then you know that he does want himself to look good and it is the depression and feelings that are getting in the way.It sounds like he hasn't properly dealt with his moms death? If he dealt with it, he should have been able to pick back up with his life by now.You should support and encourage him, but at the same time, he should be aware that it is unreasonable for you to expect to stay in a relationship with someone who cares so little about themselves that they become over 300 pounds!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): He was the same when I met him. I didn't gain or lose any weight. I've always been 130 and he used to be thin. What happened was he was building muscle and going on a 5000 calorie diet, and doing the exercise to gain muscle. But after his mother died he went into depression and stopped working out, but kept on the diet and in result gained about a pound a day. This obviously went on for a long time. I havent judged him ever and I want to say I wish to help him, but I fear I would hurt him by bringing up his weight because I know he can be self-conscious.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 April 2011):
 What was he when you started dating him? It usually takes years and years to get to 300 pounds unless you're really trying to pack on pounds fast.
If he was thin or athletic when you met him and he ballooned fast, it could be a medical condition. If he's trying to lose and is having problems, he should see a doctor. Men are awesome for being able to drop weight when they want to - their muscle mass makes them a lot more efficient than women.
Did he have a surgery? Is he taking steroids now? Did his thyroid crash? I'd find out why he gained fast.
Otherwise, was he big when you met him? Were both of you big and you lost weight?
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A
male
reader, Seraph  +, writes (21 April 2011):
how much was he weighing when u met,does he know about this,what r u doin to help him,how are u showing ur support?maybe he's not showing any progress because u have already judged him.i think u should talk to him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): its totally understandable to be turned off by certain things. i dont know if ur debating over whether to stay with him or not, or if u'd just like to have be more attracted to him. it is his choice and responsibility if he wants to lose weight, but u could always try to help him, it might be a bonding experience
also, lets be honest, 130 pounds isn't even comparable to 300 pounds, i mean muscle is one thing. but it sounds like you have a problem with his weight. if you want him to change, than its ur opinion, but i recommend to work through this together, but dont worry about your weight, unless he makes it an issue
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A
male
reader, manofmanyquestions +, writes (21 April 2011):
you are the polar opposite of shallow. thats impressive that you can find the good in someone enough to date them regardless of what they look like, and 100% on their personality. sorry i dont know what you should do but i know what i would do; its tough to make love if you dont find the person attractive.
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