A
female
age
36-40,
*poilmeglamorous
writes:I need help. my boyfriend and i have been together almost 6 months. he only has friends that are girls. One of them is in love with him and finds it "hard to see him with someone else" and he thinks its still okay to go hang out with her. His other friend never used to call/hang out with him until her n her bf broke up. now she doesnt stop calling my boyfriend and always wants to hang out. just recently they did. I was fine with it, a bit upset and jealous cuz it was our "anniversey" (every month on the 12th we spend time together and go to dinner, just for fun) but he hung out with her and said, im going to greenfield (20 mins away) to see her. I asked for him to txt/call when he gets there. Never heard from him. I had to txt him. when i did he said they were heading to springfield (an hour away) to have lunch. WHO needs to travel an hour away for lunch???? and when i asked why he got upset. Also found a pic that she sent him of them two... they were hugging so close that if i didnt know any better i'd think they were in a relationship.. like hugging with her head under his chin uber closeness. I dont like anyone but me to be that close to my boyfriend. lolwell after they hung out she called him again, and mind you its usually pretty late at night when we both are getting ready for bed that she calls.. lately shes been calling like crazy. Like she'll even call in the mornings sometime like before work..... is that right??? Like shouldnt that be something the girlfriend would be doing and not the friend????It really upsets me only because I cant have opposite sex friends but he can..?? Out of respect for him i even stopped talking to one of my guy friends.We both are kinda jealous people, and i believe u need time away from ur other half in order to miss them, but when is it TOO FAR???????like any umm not rules, but barriers that wouldnt be too much to ask for from your other half?? Like im not the type to be like "dont see her anymore" but come on...when is it TOO FAR with opposite sex friends??? Shouldnt girls have more respect for other girls?? And shouldnt you atleast be introduced to the girl thats spending time with your other half??
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 September 2010):
 When you say you can't have opposite sex friends, is that you who imposed that, or him? If it was him, then that's a HUGE double standard and shouldn't be tolerated. Now to answer some of your direct questions.
When is an opposite sex friendship taking it too far?
When sex is involved. My basic rule is "don't do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with your significant other doing as well." This usually means kissing or anything further. Hugs can be ok unless they are holding eachother for hours on end. Even "close" hugs like you described can be alright.
What are some barriers that wouldn't be too much to ask?
Actually, you have every right to set ground rules in a relationship based on what you're comfortable with. Do your best to be fair, but make sure they are something you're comfortable with.
Shouldn't girls have more respect for other girls?
Meh. Ideally they should, but think about if you really liked someone who was in a relationship. You felt that his GF wasn't as good as you are for him. Would you really respect that girl? If so, then you're a good person. Most people don't care. Really, it is him who should be respecting you by telling her that this kind of attention exceeds their friendly levels and should stop. Then he needs to ignore calls unless they are during the "approved" time periods.
Shouldn't you at least be introduced to the girl that was spending time with your other half?
Ideally, yup. That would be the courteous thing to do. That would also be the respectful thing to do.
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I think your BF is getting in over his head. He likes the attention these girls are giving him and doesn't want it to stop. It makes him feel like a stud! Who doesn't want to feel wanted after all? However, he's quickly heading down a road where he will likely end up cheating on you. He can't see it, because that may not be his intent, but that doesn't change that it is likely to happen at this rate.
Talk to him. In a non-accusing way tell him how this is making you feel. Ask him to put himself in your shoes. What if it was you going out with other guys who wouldn't stop calling you? Hopefully he can see your side and have some empathy. This will hopefully help him respect your feelings. Well, that or he'll end it. He likely has other options begging for his attention. Either way, at least it will end.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (13 September 2010):
 It sounds like they're already going too far. When a man has a girlfriend, any other friendships with girls need to be really limited. In my opinion, the second you put a friend who is a girl ahead of your own girlfriend... you've gone too far. Friends or not, he should not be choosing them over you.
I think it's clear that his friends do not respect you or your relationship so they are going to go out of their way to take him from you. The problem is, your boyfriend is choosing them over you.
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