A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I keep going round in circles and need help in knowing when 'enough is enough' in a relationship. I have been with the same guy for 12 years and I am not happy - the things that make me unhappy are not always dramatic things but they are persistent, every day and I find myself making allowances or excuses for it all and somehow 'recovering' and putting a brave face on rather than breaking free. Does anyone have any advice on how it feels to simply know when its time to leave? I have very little experience with other relationships and have never broken off with someone before. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): If you cant resolve things even with counselling I think that you need to separate but sit down and discuss the issues and reasons why. Dont go on a manhunt, 12 years is a hell of a long time make sure you take time out for yourself because you will need to time resolve issues and get over your partner.
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (25 July 2007):
Hi,
Your question is word for word like reading something I could have written 11 years ago this summer. I had been with my man for 12 years, since we were young. I was your age too. He was a nice guy, but we had grown apart over the years. It isn’t easy when there is no big crisis to blame is it? I kept making excuses and putting it off, and eventually the strain was awful. I think you will find that in the end quite a small thing could be the push you need to leave. In my case I found another man attractive, and the feeling was mutual. I didn’t get involved with him until a few weeks after I was free, but it was the knowledge that that there was more out there for me that gave me the incentive to make the jump, incredibly scary though it was.
I’m not suggesting that you go on a manhunt, but maybe give some serious thought to what you would like to be doing with your life. If you really and truly can’t see yourself with your current man for the rest of your life, then you owe it to yourself, and to him, to make the break.
I am now happily married, and my ex-boyfriend has 2 children and is much happier with his latest girlfriend than he ever could have been with me. I wouldn’t bore you with this, except to show you by example that there are loads of chances to be happy. You just need to decide what you really want to do, and be brave.
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (25 July 2007):
 I've been unhappily married for 4 years. The last 3 were hell because although we were unhappy and talking about it(and things didnt work out in the end) we just couldn't pull out.
That was a complete waste of time..
If you forgot how to laugh with your partner and there is no spark, why shuld you stay together.. even if you love eachother! my opinion is get out of the relationship get some fresh air and then if it is to get back togetther you guys will get back together and that would be more healthy than just staying there not really knowing how to go about makeing yourself happy. if you dont get back together then all the better, luckily you did offer yourself thte opportunity to discover it was time for something new.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Babe if you are not happy then i think that is the biggest indication that it's time to leave, and the only way you can do that is by sitting him down and explaining how you feel.
Take care.xx.
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