A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering when it is time for boys to "grow up" drinking-wise?I understand that guys (and girls) like to have a good time while they're in college/university, and tend to party hard, get very drunk etc, but when does that behaviour start to diminish?My boyfriend is 23, did 2 years of college, 2 of university, partied hard and whatnot during both. He still goes out on weekends and gets completely smashed sometimes, drinks to get drunk, etc. Sometimes he doesn't remember conversations he had with me and events that happened the nights he was so drunk. When does this kind of behaviour slow down, and when is it time to grow up?! Not only do I not like to be around him when he is so so drunk, but I am sometimes embarrassed by some of the things he does/the way he acts when he is very under the influence. Thoughts anyone?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Long research has concluded that in our culture men grow up once they reach the age of 113.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oldest_man#Men_currently_living_aged_over_110_years for details.
My question to you is this. When is it time for girls to stop waiting for boys to grow up?
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (19 July 2009):
Ok, this situation may be more complex... first, at a young age many of us liked to party, but the behaivor you describe is beyond the normal. There's a possiblity that your BF is showing signs that his relationship with alcohol is typical to people that end up alcoholic. This may take years to materialize, as some people can modulate their drinking and put it off for years. Some can avoid loosing jobs, wives, freinds... some can't. Some can see their issues well before and get some help, others have to hit a hard bottom, loose virtually everything and then when it's clear there's a problem seek help.
What we can't tell is where is your BF in this possible senario. He's having blackouts, where he's still doing things (talking to you), but could be driving, hanging out in bars, picking up women... all in a state where he's functioning, but has zero memory of the events. This is how people find themselves waking up, sometimes at home, sometimes in someone elses bed, sometimes in jail, sometimes driving down the street (yeah, that's a terrifying one), and relaizing "oh shit, what happened"...
It's likely he's going to have to experiece alot more pain, before he can admit he has a problem. This is a complex situation. People who drink do so, as it makes them feel better. The continue to drink to feel better. They drink until drinking quits working for them, but they keep drinking to recapture the good feelings the used to feel. Drinking stops working, but they can't stop drinking.
There's good help out there - but you're not it, nor can you be. People in realtionships with alcoholics (and only he can decide if he is one) often become sicker than the drinker. You have to get caught up in his drama, drama he's not even seeing, and odds are you're going through the situation sober.
His solution is likly to be getting off alcohol and then working on himself to see why he needed to drink. Often it's a deep seated sadness or fear.
You may want to get on line and see if there's an Al-anon group in your area. Going to a few meetings might be a great help. THere are thousands of them around the world, if you hate the first one, change locations and try to find one that has some younger memebers. Use the group as a network - ask people there if there are some young members and talk to them. You may not need long term invovlement here, but talking to people who have been where you are now is the BEST way to move forward. They can share with you what works and what doesn't. What works is giving him space and dignity, and focusing on you - he'll focus on him when the time comes.
hope this response was on target - if not, sorry, but if so, best of luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): I think its something left up to the individual to decide when it's that time to grow up, so in a large part I agree with SatinDesire. Reason being I am 23 years old as well and I never once had to get smashed to have a good time when I went partying with my friends. It's something I decided when I was really young that I don't have to drink to have a good time.
Everyone else gets over drinking at their own pace, IF they even do at all :P
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