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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: When is the time to leave a marriage if your husband has no sexual desire? And it becomes sexless marriage..My husband does not know why. He says, he loves me. I wonder, if I can live like that for an other 20-30 years. It goes on many years ago... Really, it is destroying me. I have good intentions, but what should I do? Thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tiredoftrying  +, writes (19 May 2012):
I have lived in a sexless marriage for over 15 years,,,it does NOT get better. He will lie, he will sneak and get on the computer and releave him self without any clue to you. You can beg all you want, but he will NEVER be ALL about him. He puts himself into this pretend world were he is the KING and thats how he likes it.....It will NEVER end and I find him cheating all tne time on the computer! Find another guy, he is not worth it...he will blame you every time! That kills your self esteme. Take control!
A
female
reader, Suhana  +, writes (21 November 2009):
Hi everyone, I have the same problem except iv only been married 5 monthes! Is there light at the other side of the tunnel, i Keep asking myself! Iv been seing my husband for the last 2 years, I always abstained from sex due to cultural and religiose reasons. We then tied the knot 5 monthes ago, and as you can imagine I was really looking forward, but im so dissapointed. Its not even about the dissapointment but more so the hurt and the feeling of rejection. I v confronted his so many timesbut he cant admit that theres anything wrong with him. Its obviouse that in the first few years of you sexual relationships its pleasurable and often. Im so worried how its going to be in the future, i just dont know what to do! im only 28 and his one year older than me and says his had no sexual relationships before.... Please help! The only times he will have sex with me is if I throw my self at him and make it blatently obviouse that I want it. But I am a women and I would like to feel wanted too, I dont want a sexless marriege, I want to be a faithful wife, I dont want to ever feel vulnerable. what can it be ? what can I do? his good in every other way and thats why I have tolerated it so far but for how long?
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A
female
reader, BD  +, writes (2 December 2008):
I have the same problem -- a husband who says that he loves me but doesn't have any interest in sex. I also do not know what to do about it. I have asked him to go into couples therapy but he doesn't want to got. If I really harp on it, he will say that he will try to do better but he never really does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Thanks very much for your long detailed answer. I'm very sorry ,that you had to go throug this. But it was great ,you tried to compare your situation, to mine ,even ,it didn't happen to you.
I think, its a bit different, when the man is doing this ,what you did, but maybe the end result is the same. Yes ,I do love my husband, but I can't find out why , he doesn't have desire. Yes,we have lot's of stress from children , etc, yet it's hard to know , what is the real problem.... And that keeps me in constant dilemma,''what if he hates me"" maybe I'' m ugly...
And I know I'm not , but it does not takes away the pain.But your advice was very clear and logical. If you have any more
tips,I would love to hear it... Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Thanks very much for your long detailed answer. I'm very sorry ,that you had to go throug this. But it was great ,you tried to compare your situation, to mine ,even ,it didn't happen to you.
I think, its a bit different, when the man is doing this ,what you did, but maybe the end result is the same. Yes ,I do love my husband, but I can't find out why , he doesn't have desire. Yes,we have lot's of stress from children , etc, yet it's hard to know , what is the real problem.... And that keeps me in constant dilemma,''what if he hates me"" maybe I'' m ugly...
And I know I'm not , but it does not takes away the pain.But your advice was very clear and logical. If you have any more
tips,I would love to hear it... Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I was the wife who didn't want sex for years. I loved my husband but didn't care for the physical intimacy. I was always too tired, my mind was not clear enough from issues at work, there were problems with the children and generally I just didn't enjoy it - I would much rather have had a cup of tea. My husband was always on at me about it, always pawing at me and mawling me. Obviously he went elsewhere and we are now divorced.
The major factors of not wanting sex appear to me to be mainly that you are very tired and very stressed. If you can alleviate the stress in any way that may help or do anything that may make him less tired. I had a particularly demanding job and when I got home I just wanted to drop, we also had very young children. Some people have a very low libido too. Funnily enough I was asked to go to the doctor by my husband but never would as I didn't really care that it was bothering him as I didn't want the sex, more so the effort and the amount of time that it took which could have been sleeping or reading time , things I enjoyed.
You are obviously quite right not to accept a sexless marriage, my husband couldn't and if you do love him then you need to try to find out why he is not interested. I have learnt my lesson from this and although i still don't enjoy it accept that it is part of a marriage and what 99% of people are looking for. i have been told there are hormone replacement tablets that can help you gain a sexual desire and massage can help to arouse. For me the more my husband went on about it the more I didn't want to do it so tread carefully even though it is so important to you. The one thing I would say is don't just go and have an affair while staying with your husband as that can be really soul destroying , if he can't change and you can't cope with it going forward then I suggest you talk about splitting. Good luck to you as I know how this is such a major part of married life.
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