A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, so im just gunna get into it right away. heres my proublem im this fun, out going, very confident girl when im single. but whenever im in a relationship i turn into a jelous, insecure emotional girl. whenever i get into a relationship with a guy they always compliment me on how confident and outgoing i am, then as the relationship gets further, and sex is involved i turn into someone toatally diffrent and all my past ex let me know that. i never kept a relationship for very long. it seems like as months go on im fine and then when we agree were ready to have sex i turn into a person im not. so were am i now? im in a relationship with this amazing guy. we have been together for two years, and for the first time i thought he was the guy that made me truley happy and made me feel beautiful. i was never jelous i was never insacure the first year i was in a relationship. i was so happy that finally after all this time i could have sex with a man and still be myself. now the whole second year of my relationship it started. and its worst than before cause im in love with this guy. im so insacure, and jelous. it gets to the point were i dont even want him to go to work. he works at a big mall and im sure he sees beautiful women all day long. i believe he would never cheat on me, but i feel he would flirt with a girl and have a convo with her and even text her. i get so mad at him when he coplements a girl on tv when were watching something together like something like ' oh she has pretty eyes' or anything it makes me so upset and makes me feel insacure. he always says i hate how you act now, i want that confident girl i fell in love with. i always say ill work on it but i cant control my jelousy. and its the worst feeling ever we always get in hudgh fights about it. i always tell him well if you dont like how i am and cant handle it leave me! and he says he would love to but he cant cause he loves me to much. it makes me really sad. no guy wants a girl like me. im impossible. he could smile at a girl walking by cause she smiled at him first and ill be really mad with him. its to the point now were he use to compliment girls in front of me and now he doesnt anymore cause hes afraid to see how i would react and doesnt wanna argue. of coarse id rather him do it with me right there, but now he proubley does it behind my back. i think in this relationship it all started when i came home and his friend was over and his friend was showing him naked pictures of girls. i asked why were you looking at them and he said he wanted to show him but he didnt know they were naked girls and he promised me and i was just heart broken i felt like i didnt trust him. i always get advice from my friends and they always say, who cares if he looks at another girl for a couple seconds and thinks their pretty, he always looks at you and thinks your amazingly beautiful and hes coming home to you at night and hes in love with you! no other girl it makes me feel better for about a couple mins and i try to stay possitive but then something sets me off again. please help, im so unhappy with myself, i wanna change i just cant, what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 April 2013):
 Heh...I know exactly how to help you get better:
DITCH HIM!
He's looking at naked pictures, ogling women in front of you, then putting you down for your reaction to his disrespect, right? He's keeping you off-balance and jealous ON PURPOSE! It gives him control in the relationship.
Remarking about someone's looks is fine, but smiling at women, looking at naked women pictures with friends in front of you, and then amplifying your trust issues by saying "where's the confident woman from before".
Yes, it's gotten out of hand on your part when it comes to not wanting him to work and imagining him looking at everyone, but that's not on accident.
I don't think this guy is good for you. Are you like this with everyone, or just with him? I say let him go. What are you afraid of anyways? If he cheats or starts flirting, you have the power to kick him to the curb and find someone better.
Never ever let desperation or the whole "I'll die without him" out of control emotions ever pop up in any relationship, because it makes it unhealthy. You are complete by yourself, and you are with whoever.
You have no cause to be insecure! If he screws up a good thing by ogling other women, then drop him!
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