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female
,
*llie6
writes: I never want sex with my boyfriend.I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and we started having sex after a month. The problem is I never want to have sex with, I'm not sure whether it's because maybe I'm not truly physically attracted to him? When we do have sex it takes a while for me to feel horny, because we usually don't have time to spend a lot of time on foreplay, so sex is generally pretty quick. When I'm alone I always feel horny and desperate for sex, but then when we're together, I'm not in the mood, and if I am I can't usually be bothered to make any effort and he goes on top. I feel like I'm a failure of a girlfriend and I'm not satisfying him enough. What can I do?
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male
reader, realguy +, writes (24 November 2006):
Hi Ellie,
Don't despair, there's nothing wrong with you, it's simply a perception problem that is interfering with your erotic self and in turn, interfering with your relationship. This might sound a little crazy but try this. It sounds like by yourself, your creative love juice has no problems flowing. Maybe you need to start to share this horny alone time with him. It sounds like you've both allowed your sexual relationship to fall into a quick orchestrated routine of passionless mechanics to get the basic physical needs meet, like so many couples involved in long term relationships often due, albeit unintentionally of course. Now you might ask, how the hell do I share this passionate alone time with him, emphasis on alone? Real Guy, what's wrong with your brain? Well, how about the next time, you know he is going to be home, that an hour or so before, while you are with your horny self, that you put on some comfy, sexy lingerie, turn down the lights, light some candles, burn some incense, whatever, and pleasure yourself. Now, I mean really pleasure yourself and fully indulge in those horny thoughts whatever they may be, acting on them alone, getting yourself worked up like no one else can. When he comes home and sees you in this state, he will go mad. You can even use this as an opportunity to show him what works for you and tell him how much you want him and that you couldn't help doing this because you were thinking of doing him all day. Use this as a way to show the value of foreplay and that knowing what you like before you have intercourse, will greatly, enhance his experience as well as yours to mind blowing extremes. Of course, this imaginary scenario is just to get your creative hot, horny ideas flowing as there are many similar creative, fun ways to turn lemons into lemon-aide. If this seems like lunacy, how about smaller steps, like calling him on his cell phone when you are feeling this horny by yourself and tell him how you feel, your thoughts, your fantasies in detail. Just don't give up before you've tried, think of it as a fun horny, erotic experiment, the possibilities are endless. What do you have to loose by making yourself more open and vulnerable, except the possibility losing those uninspired robotic, wham bamm, what just happened events. If after you've tried all that you can possibly think of and he could still care less, then maybe you need to do some re-thinking if the relationship is right for you but sounds like you love him and are not in that place yet. So in the mean time, enjoy living out some of those horny fantasies together.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (24 November 2006):
 Maybe u get more pleasure from masturbation that's normal not to worry but try forelplay the way you mast and see what happens if it doesn't work look for sb who turns u properly
ciao
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): always want whet u cant have. huh?. im the same way,
i find though that its when u think about what u want ur man to do to u that makes u horny when their not around./ but then when they come home, like u said its done and over in no time. and sometimes when he just wants a quickie i tell him no, want it my way, because i want the pleasure to.
u have to make the time for foreplay, even if it means little necking here and there, or playfull touches.
help him give u what u want.
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