A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I married a man 1 month ago. Dated him for 2 years. He was separated from ex 5 years ago. They were married 22 years. He and ex won't talk unless it is a text or through their children. My question: Last week we went to Sam's Club. He offered to add me to his account. Clerk said spouse was free but there is one (the Ex) on it but it can be revoked and mine added. I said sure. He said no and started to walk away. I was hurt and furious. When I asked him why he said he didn't want her embarrassed by getting to check out and not having a membership. I pointed out I was embarrassed then in front of clerk. He said he should have paid ten bucks to make me an extra member and keep her listed as his wife.There have been intimacy issues and name calling ever since we married. When I tell him I can't continue to be second in his life or I will leave him, he says "do what you want". I worried I was a rebound and wanted to wait on the wedding but he pushed it up.Is this the way it is suppossed to go when you are the second wife? Am I overreacting to be considering a divorce this soon?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I agree with the other poster.
But I'd go with the $10 additional card. Reason being, Sams Club is not worth arguing over. As far as the other issues. They are problems. You have great difficulty communicating together, without it turning into a nonbeneficial argument.
From his side. He may have gotten remarried too soon. Some experts say going from family to part time dad is one of the most traumatic experiences for men. Not to condone his behavior, but he may be partially acting out of a related depressive state. Such as "do what you want". If she initiated the divorce, he may say that because his first wife left, so what's to stop you from doing the same.
Guys do develop trauma as well as women, but men don't openly discuss theirs as they should. I say they should because discussing issues which caused the trauma is a way of healing from the affect of the issue.
I don't see your marriage working until both of you come to terms with what you're really looking for, and how you want this to turn out.
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