A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been dating 4 and a half years. We have a 1 and a half year old child. And just recently bought our first house together. When ever I bring up marriage he tells me its not happening right now. What do i do? Do I keep in this relationship? I want to be married, and have made this very clear. He tells me its just a peice of paper and not important. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I do not want to party, in fact I have told him in the past I am perfectly content with getting married in the court.
I want to be married because I want that final step in the relationship. That last step that ties you to eachother. Having a child and a house is everything that married couples do together, but our last names are different.
Is it so strange that I do not feel complete yet? I want to call him my husband, not boyfriend.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 December 2010):
 You live with him, have a child with him, you're having sex with him, and have been committed to him for a while. It's practically like you're married already - it's even possible you're already common-law spouses, depending on what state you're in.
The issue lies in the different conclusions you're drawing from that.
He sees it and says, "Well, why get married?" You see that and wonder, "Well, why *not* get married?"
At this point, there's no benefit to marriage for him. It's likely he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. So yes, stay in the relationship.
First step, ask yourself *why* you want to get married. Do you just want the party? Or do you want religious sanction for your relationship? Or any other reason you can think of beyond "Just because?" If there's nothing, let it go.
Second step, come up with some benefit to him, and calmly explain it. Simply demanding it is not going to work, and even if it did, the prize would be lessened by it. Personally, I can't think of any possible benefit, but your situation may be unique, or I could be missing something. Trying to argue for marriage without offering some benefit will only convince him that you value the wedding party more than you value the relationship.
Third step, consider the risks you're asking him to take, especially if you're not common-law spouses. Divorce is a very real risk, with heavy financial and family consequences for him, no matter how much you love him now. Come up with some way of mitigating the risk (offering a generous pre-nup is the only thing I can think of).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): I have a question for you, you ahev been with each other and trust that you are both happy, you have a lovey child, and now you have a joing home, looks like marragie to me.
Please tell me by getting married what would change?
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