A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long, jus' saying.I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for a month, long distance. The first couple weeks were great - we were all over each other as far as wanting to talk to each other and enjoying each other's company. But then, it just... stopped. Like, cold turkey. I figured at first it was stress from finals (we each had them coming up), but now that his are over, nothing's really returned to normal. I tried to be affectionate, but he's kinda just brushed it off lately... it's been ages since he lasted called me pretty or said anything about meeting up in the future (not that I need to hear it all the time, but he used to go on and on about it, and there's been nothing in the past two to three weeks - it's just a sudden change).Aaand, he's been ignoring me lately too. It'll take aaaaages to get a reply on skype when before it would never take more than five minutes or so. He's not doing anything now that he wasn't doing before either. Like, sometimes I get the feeling it's a hassle for him to talk to me, as if I was an obligation or something, which I don't want to be.I finally confronted him about it today, even got down to the point where I said, "Are you still attracted to me/want to be with me/etc" because I just got frustrated with the lack of interaction.He replied "I dunno", which was.. really helpful, lemme tell you. I asked what's been bothering him lately that's made him talk to me differently, and got a reply of "You can ask me a thousand times, I don't know. I don't want to say something I'll regret".So I'm assuming he's lost interest, seeing as he didn't say he still liked me, but was stressed/busy/etc. I just got 'I don't know', which is a big step backwards from 'You make me happier than anyone', which I had gotten from him before.So, I suggested we back off for a bit and see what happens. If the spark comes back, wonderful, if not, then we'll deal with it as it comes. After I said this and he agreed (without any argument at all xD), I kinda felt... free.I really like this guy - the only thing I have a biff with is how he's been acting lately. I would like it ideally to work out between us, so is it cold of me to feel relief that I finally got a definitive answer from him, even if it's 'we need to take a break?' Like... I don't want to split, but if he's not interested, there's really no way I can change his mind. Just the fact that he finally said something besides 'I don't know' just made things so much simpler. He said we should probably really slow it down, which is fine with me.So, my questions:1. Does the sharp drop in affection mean something significant, or am I over-looking into things? Really, it was practically an overnight change. I'm thinking it might have been the result of a bout of self-consciousness I had in front of him, which might not have appealed to him. He's really self-conscious too though, so I don't know.2. When he says 'I dunno', is he trying to avoid hurting my feelings, or does he really not know?3. Do you think there's a chance that the 'spark' may return, or should I give up and just try to at least save the friendship?4. Am I cold-hearted for feeling free because now that we're on break, I don't feel as.. what's the word, obligated to talk to him almost daily? (I've never felt obligated persay, but I'd feel bad if I didn't sign on when I could have.)(Also, I've posted questions on this before, but the taking a break is new, so)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): 1. Yes it is significant. It could be anything, though. Maube he's depressed over something else, maybe he's with someone else, maybe he found out something bad about you, maybe he realized he's gay or something.
2. Neither. He's not telling you because he wants to be able to change his mind when it suits him.
3. I don't know (sorry, but I mean it). It depends on both of you. On my opinion, it's not likely to come back if you don't communicate properly.
4. If you don't feel bad for missing the chance to have a conversation with him, then perhaps the spark is fading out on your part too.
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