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female
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anonymous
writes: I have recently turned 16 and me and my boyfriend really want to have sex for the first time. we waited so that we knew it was the right thing to do, until it would be legal and so i could tell my parents, because i've always wanted to be as open as possible with them. i've been with my boyfriend for just under 18 months and we're really happy together and my family adore him, but my mom and dad don't want to even talk to me about sex. when i bring the subject up they make comments on how disgusting it is for people to be having sex so young (even though they were the same sort of age as me and my boyfriend when they got together). we're not religious, so it wouldn't be going against any of their beliefs and my mom has always said i could go to her and tell her anything, but how can i talk to her about this when every time i mention the subject she goes all cold? i always wanted to be open with my parents so that they wouldn't ever have to find out about something that i've done from anyone else but me... do i not bother talking to my parents about it at all and just go ahead with it anyway?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Most mom's no matter how open they want to be will do what their mothers did with them. Talk the talk their mother's did with them.
Get the book 'Everything your mother never told you about sex' buy it or get it from your library. Read it, and then offer it to your mother to read, then discuss the book. This book will help open up communication, by allowing your mother to talk of a book and not with the voice of her mother in her head.
A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Congratulations! It seems you are being more mature about this matter than your parents are. I think it is very wrong for your parents to say that sex at your age is disgusting. I don't believe that consensual sex is ever disgusting, and I don't think anyone should have to restrict the (legal) expression of his or her sexuality just because some third party (even if it is a parent) is uncomfortable talking about sex. You have certainly gone the extra mile in trying to discuss this with your parents. If they won't talk about it with you, then that is their loss more than yours.
If you were my daughter I would be proud of you for being so mature and responsible at sixteen. (But I would still double check that you were planning to use effective means of birth control :-) Good luck, and practice safe sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Tell them you want to be open and tell them your thoughts and feelings and stop avoiding the questions! If they don't communicate with you, they are being selfish. It is the responsibility of the parent to listen, observe, and give guidance. I would do things differently, that is because I am more assertive, but what would you do? Make your point across - tell them what you think and how you feel, and compare it to how they were when they first started. Tell them you understand their views, but reconfirm your desires with them. Remember, it will make them uncomfortable for sure, but it can't be helped. I would also suggest to forward this page to your mom and dad to read, and then confront them afterwards about it.
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