A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I wonder if someone can help me. Me and my boyfriend had been together for just about 10 months. We had a lot of big things happen to us, that I think kept us stronger in the beggining of the relationship. He had totaled my car, and I also got pregnant, which we agreed we were too young to have a baby. We go to school together and he lives in another country so when summer came he went back home. Long distance was hard for us, I did go and visit him for a week and a half over the summer, which didnt end up to well. From day one I had been nothing but a controlling girlfriend and I just dont understand why. I would need to know where he was at every minute, which usually was wiht me because we spent all the time we could together. I was very controlling, and at times psychotic. It was completely the opposite of mmy personality, and towards the beginning of the relationship, he was so soft skin, and i would often times upset him, down to tears. I felt so bad for treating such an amazing man this way, but for some reason i couldnt stop.We got in a huge argument over his living situation for the following semester with what was about 7 people, some of them being girls. I was angry about it, i'm usually not a jealous person, but he brought this out in me. when i left to go back home after visiting him, things just went downhill, he said he couldnt be with me anymore days after i returned home, I begged and pleaded, he said he hadnt meant nobody else, his feelings for me just changed, and we had no connection ( i figure most in part to the fact i was so mean to him all the time). I was heartbroken, reality hit me, and it was a rough month for me. A month later he returned from school and i Beggged to see him, i even got crazy and showed up at his house sobbing telling him I would never do this again. Since hes been back at school hes been very inconsistent with his feelings, hes been outright mean to me as well. Hes made it impossible to get a hold of, and never really seems like he wants to hang out with me. We will hang out and instead of doing things to have fun and make him remember why he liked me, i cant help but cry and be upset, because hes just not the same. we're just not the same. Some times he tells me he wants to be with me, but it takes baby steps, and he cant just go about being back to normal with me. He says hes overwhelmed, i need to back off, but then hours later he'll go on to saying fuck off and leave him alone. It's so hard for me to handle it ,bc im ready to go back to old times. Yesterday I had made him so upset and angry, i persisted to see him, and he was so mean to me, and i cried, and he couldnt take it. Now when i show im upset and beg for him back he is just mean about it. I donno what to do, I love him, and its been such an eye opener, i dont think I could even fathom doing the things I once had done to him. If someone could help, I just want him back. At one time he loved me so much, i donno what happened and how i pushed him away so far. I know I probably shouldnt have forced it, but after yesterday he seems like he wants to be done for me for good
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heartbroken, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Maybe this is your chance to make those changes within you, it may be too late to save this relationship, just make sure you dont make the same mistakes next timewell done for admitting you have a problem, thats really cool
A
female
reader, aschmit3 +, writes (5 September 2008):
The way you described your actions and feelings is exactly how I would describe how I've acted and felt. I'm in the same situation. I was mean, psychotic and all of the above to a great man and then he left me and I felt the same way you do. I know how hard it is and how painful it is. My only advice is to appreciate the fact that he does still want to be with you. I have no hope in my situation. He tells me that he could never see us together again EVER and that he doesnt love me anymore. Be thankful he wants to take baby steps. I"ve been going out and having fun with other guys and my friends. It's hard but once your outand about, you really dont think about him. I'm sorry your going through this but he is just hurt and wants space. DO NOT cry and beg him. it will only push him farther away. trust me, i know. if you feel like your goin to be upset, DONT SEE HIM! go do something nice for yourself, get you nails done, get a pet, ANYTHING! if you want to talk, I am here. just msg me.
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