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writes: Maybe this question is irrelevant to the point of this site. But I figure I'll give it a shot.I have four daughters. My oldest is 8-almost-9 and in third grade. A few of her friends are growing up fast. They wear deodorant, bras (even though there truly is nothing to support), have cellphones, boy friends, straighten their hair, one even shaves her legs!, etc. etc. Thing is, my little girl is still my little girl. I don't want her to grow up so fast. My wife passed away 8 months ago. I don't know what she'd have said on the matter. She would probably have given her a little flower perfume and a sports bra and told her she was cute. I do miss my wife's help with my daughters and I miss her love, but I try my best to care for them. They're my world.But, as any father, I don't want my little girl to grow up. She is very naturally beautiful and looks so much like her mother that it breaks my heart. When is it okay for a girl to start shaving, wearing deodorant, perfume, a bra, cell phones, etc. ? Thing is, none of these girls need deodorant or bras yet. I want the best for my daughter. She is very smart. I know she'll make the right choices for herself as she gets older. Would it be alright to let her play around with some light perfume and some children's deodorant? Her mother was pretty flat chested as a child and up until about high school. Even if my daughter's this way, she would want to wear a bra in middle school just for the sake of wearing one, right? I understand such things make a girl feel grown up. But I don't want my daughter to grow up. I'd like to keep her playing with dolls and making up fairytales as long as possible.I want the best for her.My little sister started living with us during the weekdays since my wife passed away to help me care and cope. She's young and free spirited and encourages that girls experiment. I disagree. I don't want my little girls doing any 'experimenting' of any kind! I've known my wife since we were kids. Though we hated each other as children. I just remember not seeing her after the summer of sixth grade, and her coming back seventh entirely changed. It seemed she'd become a woman just over the summer! She was always beautiful, but she became a different kind of beautiful. She dressed and acted more grown up. Do all girls just suddenly change like that?I want to be a good dad. A fair dad. I'm so afraid I won't be able to do this without my wife. It scares me every day. Please help me. When does a girl start growing up? When did you get or give your child a cellphone? When can they date? (Is sixteen too old?) If they don't need bras and perfumes, should they still wear them? What about shaving?When do girls truly grow up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): hey its just my the way i think,but i think the parents of these other girls should be slapped up side the head.its no wonder there are so many perverts checking out younger and younger girls these days,there dressing and acting like there 20.like myself i spotted my 11 year old niece wearing a thong a few days ago,i was floored.i'am in my 30's and if i ever did wear one it would only be for one reason,to get someone to look.
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reader, Miamine  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 I'm Jamaican British, we are a little stricter on most things.. you can negotiate.. run a democracy or like my family, dictatorship all the way.. :)
12-13 they want to follow the big girls, 13-14 puberty hits and they start to become young women, 15-16 they are young women and start to want to do their own thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone who commented. This really helped a lot and put into my mind some general ages for specific things.Thank you much, it's greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 March 2010):
When can they date? (Is sixteen too old?) hahahahaha.. lol.. yep, I think it's too old.
Sorry I'm from UK, not sure what ages they are. But you are the parent and it's your rules that count. 13-14 is the age when you can start letting them grow up to be women. They wear a bra if they need one, but if they are 14 then let them wear one so they don't feel left out. I don't like perfume on children, but a flower scent one at 14 is ok. Shaving legs, they can do that when they are 16 or ready to leave home. Deodorant, probably 12 or 13, when they start puberty and need it to deal with body sweat.
Cell phones.. most kids seem to have one now. It's good for you in case of an emergency, but it keeps them social, they will feel left out without one.
It's ok to experiment with makeup, perfume and woman's stuff at home with their aunt, that's how they learn what looks good. However they need to be at least 15-16 before you should allow them to wear this stuff to school.. They can wear a light lipstick if they are going out to a special occasion. They can wear vests and knickers until they need a bra, go to the shop and get some nice matching stuff. The women in shops are very helpful if they know there is no mother around. You can ask them your questions and they will answer honestly and dress your girls appropriately.
Sorry dad, so hard for you, all alone in this woman's world with no wife to guide you. Just do your best, they love you and they know how hard you try, this will be enough to help them as they grow up. Blessings to you and your family.. :)
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reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 WOW youve really put some thought into this, Well i dont have kids i have four cars and a yacht im tryng to keep it that way, and yes its possible to have four cars and yacht even if you spend most of your time on the computer, and no helicopters dont land on it, and no i dont have a gf because my ambitions lie in other areas.
But i kno a thing or two about young ones from my own experience, i hate having to get personal but i like this post and i feel i qualify to answer because lets just say was faced with a similiar situation.
To answer your question, theres nothing you can do about it growing up is a tide you cant hold back, women want to hurry up and be older then when they get older they do everything they can to get younger. As a dad im sure your thinking boys bras and periods are something you never want to deal with but guess what you dont have a choice being all dady roe bucks on the issue wont help.
Its 2010 give the kid a break, you need to have open dialougue with your daughter let her kno your there for her and she can come to you about anything she will have lots of questions LOTS and if you dont have the answer or arent willing to provide them she will get them from some misguided girl or boy. The stuff your talking about is apart of growing up and how do you kno if she needs deoderant or not.
Shes gonna grow up you cant stop it you might slo it but really that will make her resent full and not tell you anything she could be the new girl at jacks bunny house and you wouldnt know. This is an important time for kids when they really get a since of identity she should have a father that allows her to develope and express herself.
Cellphone thats up to you if you dont mind paying the bill and she understands the whole no sexting thing. I think she should have one but she should be made aware that it cost money and theres a bill that you pay but you dont mind because you love her. I see to many kids walking around with cell phone now adays acting like they just fell from the sky, unless you live near wall street thats not happening. But its good because she can call in emergencies plus ts a fast mobile world why not just set some ground rules. When it comes to shaving if she has enough to shave let her shave its her leg, perfume is like for any age. Hair straightening well thats not really a daddy realm if your little sister wants to step in there let her.
Set rules make boundries but let the girl grow and stop checking out her little friends.
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 My heart goes out to you. As devastated as I would be to lose my wife, it would be worse for my kids. Bless you for hanging in there for your kids and making them your top priority.
When they grow up it can happen awfully fast -- one day you turn around and it hits you between the eyes. My eldest was probably around 12 when she started needing deodorant -- and sadly didn't figure it out until it was a few months past time, despite the hints and leaving products in her room. The other two kids were crazy fastidious before it was needed.
Dating? I think 16 is perfectly reasonable. We let them go out in groups before 16, but no one-on-one. And we encourage them to hang out here at home, notwithstanding that always having some strange teenage boy in my kitchen is offputting. But I know where my kids are.
I so sympathize with not wanting them to grow up. I miss my little girls something fierce. Instead I have teenagers, one of which can barely seem to tolerate me. I'd give a lot to be able to cuddle her in my lap one more time.
BUT -- our job as parents is to equip them to succeed in the world, and holding them back doesn't help. You sound like you're walking the line well. Trust your instincts -- you can't go wrong by loving them.
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reader, Shannet +, writes (25 March 2010):
 I started wearing a sports bra when i was in fifth grade because i needed it, but not every girl do it depends. If she doesnt have any breast then she doesnt need a sport bra. I was in seventh grade when i started shaving my legs but that also depends on wether or not she has enough hairs on her legs to shave. She can use can deodorant spray she is a bit too young for perfume.
I didnt have a cellphone untill i was in the seventh grade because i did not need one. I dont think your daughter needs a cellphone at her age. She will end up getting it lost.
She is also a bit too young to date. You should be the one to tell her when she is allowed to date. Even though i think 15-16 is the right age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Is ANYONE going to answer this man?
I started shaving my legs end of fifth grade. I started to wear a bra (cause I needed it) in the beginning of fifth grade. I wore perfume in the end of third or beginning of fourth. (for fun). And a little bit of little girls' perfume.
I got a cellphone in the sixth grade. But if I used it irresponsibly, I would get it taken away.
Dating is all up to you. It was a trial for me and my parents to agree on an age.
I wish you and your daughters the best of luck and am so sorry about your wife!
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