A
female
age
30-35,
*ookAtTheStars
writes:Hello... I'm 17 years old, and I have a boyfriend since last year. Recently, I've been a little bit concerned of all those things adults day when they see a young couple... Examples?: 1. "You don't know if he'll be your only and last boyrfriend."2. "You can do many things at your age, instead of having a boyfriend!"3. "Oh, young love. It never lasts."I bet you've heard the same phrases. And I'm getting worried. Are they true? I believe, if you really want something so deep, you can actually get it. But now, It's like I'm losing hope... I want to hang out with my friends, going to the club with them like before, travel, I want to do so many things... But I think, spending time with my boyfriend is taking that away from me. Oh, and he doesn't like me going to the club, and also, he'll miss me if I travel (Of course I would too...)I didn't care of leaving those things behind, but I just realized that, if I don't travel now, or do my thing with my friends I won't be satisfied... I love him so much, I do... But sometimes I wish I could do so many other things... And now, when we fight, we fight over stupid things... It makes me feel like as if we could break up at any moment if we fight because I get so scared, we already know each other very much, so we're not supposed to commit anymore mistakes...At the beginning, I felt ready. Now, I don't know anymore. Sometimes he misses me so much, it makes me puke (that's a joke) and I don't really miss him that much... That's another thing. He even cries, because he misses me. Makes me think, our love is actually an obession...So, what do you think?-Are those things true, because when young, we want to do so many things?-Is leaving things behind for someone good at all?-Could this love be an obssesion?And finally...-Am I not ready, or am I ready to be into a relationship? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): nice post here. smart for a young one i find you. adults are adults and theyll say anything from hey that style pizza will suck in five years to "OMG this truck is gonna be the new thing for the next decade!"... bottom line: We make our little comments and may be cynical with relationships in young people in particular but I think each relationship should be looked at on its own and not compared to some previously stored image brought upon by society's norms of what "love" is young people. As long as you two arent vampires, I support this lol. I find your love very passionate and serious and some compromises need to be made if its going to continue to thrive. For example, I, too, dont like my lady going to the club but she has my trust. Its men I worry about as they are animals but she knows how to hold her own. So, when she's not near me, I take comfort knowing that she goes with people I trust myself and know she's in good hands. So, try something like that with him and the same could be dealt with with traveling... have him go with girls he knows or he's comfortable with. Youre very young and traveling is a must as it will teach you so many things about culture and people. Good luck on this.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 You know, you seem quite mature to me. And it's good that you have these questions. I cannot give you an answer that "tells" you what to do though, I'm afraid. You may only be 17, but your choices now will affect the rest of your life. So I will tell you this: You are just entering adulthood and this is a vast, confusing time. A time to question, to explore, a time to learn things about yourself you never knew before. Relationships are about compromising and I'll be the first to tell you that even though you know each other well, you can still make mistakes. That's normal. My adoptive grandma was married fifty-three years with her husband, and they still had little disagreements but of course, the trick to staying together was working those out and knowing when to let go of things that were just not worth it. Love is not about always getting along, but neither is it about always fighting. Love can ask you to sacrifice but not to the point where you lose yourself along the way...What I mean is, it's not wise to give up once in a lifetime chances for a guy. In fact, if he truly loves you, he won't ask you to. Think of the people who love you most: your parents. Would they ever ask you not to pursue a career that benefits you for life? Not to attend college? University? The worst thing in life can be regret. Do you want to wonder "what if?" when you're older? Maybe your love is obsessive, maybe not. That's up to you to decide. I love that you're thinking about all this, it does show maturity. I'll tell you right now, there's a LOT I still want to do. There's a LOT I don't know about myself. And the guy I thought I loved at seventeen isn't the guy I'd be with today. I've changed. So has he.I'm not saying it's not love what you have because love comes in all forms. So, I'll tell you this much: if you want, your boyfriend can be a partner in your current goals, but he also has to understand that being in love doesn't have to mean that you are tied to him 24/7. That's too much. You two are seperate people and you both need time with your friends and your own hobbies. Are you ready to be in a relationship? I don't know. That's up to you. Do you have to be in a relationship because you're ready? NO. Think about this, women get their periods from around 9 and up. This means they are "ready" to have children. Should a nine year old have a child? I think the unanimous answer is NO. So hon, keep thinking things through. We all only live once. Best of luck to you
...............................
|
