A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do people have relationships if there is no intention of marriage?I'm 22 and I've had 2 girlfriends in my life which I know is a little pathetic (or at least my friends think it is), but I knew both those girls before we started dating and I knew that there was marriage potential if the relationships lasted long enough. I'm not saying I fell in love immediately and asked them to marry me, but I knew that it could end with marriage. My friend tells me this is the wrong way to think about relationships. Is there something wrong with seeking out relationships that have the potential to be very long term (marriage)?I understand there is sex and companionship in any relationship, but isn't it a little unfair for a person to keep someone tied up if they know marriage isn't really a possibility? Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but to me, marriage is the ultimate goal of any relationship and even if it doesn't go that far.What do you think? Am I trying to seek too serious of a relationship too soon? Am I just old-fashioned? Or should there be no thought of the future when starting to date someone? Maybe I'm just not wired for a transient relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): people get into relationships because of love not marriage, they're not necessarily the same thing... im not saying what you think is wrong but a person learns a lot about themself and their partner in a relationship and in my opinion the thoughts of marriage would come after all that...
i do agree theres no point being in a relationship if you dont see it going somewhere... most people are guilty of being attracted to someone who might not be marriage material, doesn't mean you need to dismiss them...
i think failed relationships whether the intentions for marriage were there or not teach you so much that you carry into other relationships. theres also a lot to be said about chemistry and just following instincts!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): I think you are very wise holding out for something serious and longlasting that will in the long run make you happier. Who cares whether it's old fashioned or what your friends think, they could be wasting their time whereas you know what you really want. I hope you find the right person before too long.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): Stick to your guns.
You have set a goal, the others are wandering around aimlessly.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (20 December 2008):
"britt429" pretty much covered it. If you are truly developing a relationship, there is a hope that it will become "forever and always". Even so, you can still have female girl friends of the opposite sex who are NOT relationships. People who you are comfortable with, and enjoy their company. Although many times relationships develop from these friendships, you will likely have neither friendship nor relationship if you even subconsciously try to convert every friendship into a relationship - or if you only consider friendships that have potential to become relationships.
And I don't think it's pathetic to have had "only" two relationships at age 22. At age 22 I was just meeting my second girlfriend - at age 23 we married, and have been for over 30 years. (You can read more about that story in the thread "How can I meet men outside of college?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-meet-men-outside-of-college.html . Scroll down to find my response.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): I don't think you are wrong in your thinking. When most serious people (I'm not talking about "Players") get into relationships, they all have expectations of Happily Ever After. But there needs to be time to really get to know one another, and that is what the whole dating/courtship thing is about. If the relationship grows and flourishes, then the prospect of marriage comes into the picture.
Don't get discouraged because two relationships haven't worked out. Use them as learning experiences. You are young and have plenty of time to find your true love. Think of it as taking "flying lessons" You have to take a lot of practice flights before you are ready for that ultimate solo flight!!!!!
Your seriousness and maturity is to be commended. You might want to consider someone slightly older than you. Not decades, just a couple of years. You may find that special someone who is in the same mind-set as you!
Good Luck and much Happiness!
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