A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a hard time with my ex-girlfriend. I don't know how to act towards her and I don't know what to think of her actions. Maybe you could help me out here?The basic story is we dated for a short period of time and I fell head-over-heels for her. Then her ex came back and she broke things off with me to take him back. Initially, I tried to be tough about it and say I was cool with her decision and that we could still be friends, which she wanted. I was NOT cool with everything, but I thought it would be easier to let her think I was. Eventually, she called my bluff because I would act differently towards her when we were alone than when she brought her bf around. At that point, I decided upon advice from friends to ignore her as best as possible given our situation (that is, we have to see each other every so often). So I don't initiate any contact with her through texting or IM, but I will respond if she talks to me, but my responses are a short and cold. My friend says I'm stupid for even responding at all, but I think it's rude not to. It seems like she is always aware of what I am doing to try to forget her, and then she'll ask me why.Like today, we haven't talked in 3 days and even that was only about 4 quick text messages until she sends me "is ignoring me making you feel better?" She explained that she wanted to know how I was. I responded that there are better ways to ask then calling me out like that. The truth is, I am ignoring her but it's not helping. Then she says "I feel bad still [assuming about the break up?] and not hearing from you makes it worse. Not that you care but just letting you know it affects me too."What does this all mean and what more can I do to forget her? The only thing left that I can see it cut all ties and say something like "look, I'm still in a lot of pain and misery and I don't want you to contact me anymore". Doing this would cause me to lose more than her, a large part of my life involves our mutual friends and word of this would be bound to get out and have repercussions. Hearing that she too is still affected by this mess is actually detrimental to me getting over her, yet she tells me this every so often. Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): I think you know what to do, you are hesitant to do it. You need to tell her exactly how you really feel. I think she is trying to hang on to both of you. and not only is that unfair to you but it is also unfair to her boyfriend. It is difficult to have to make a choice between two loves. And she is having difficulties letting to of you. If this causes you pain, you have to let her know that. You also have to tell her she can't have it both ways. Tell her you thought you could remain friends, but it hurts too much. Your mutual friends will understand that. As for when you do find yourself in her company, be civil but not overly friendly.
And here's a thought...Move on! Find yourself a girl! Start dating...you may find that she (your ex) will be sent into a tailspin and realize there is a chance of losing you forever...and she may! As long as you are dwelling on losing her, she has power over you, even if it's not her intention. So try to get on with your life and the dating scene. Just don't use someone else to make her jealous, you don't want to hurt anyone. So if you do date, keep it casual, unless of course you find yourself falling for someone new...then your problem will fade!
Wishing you luck and happiness!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): it is obvious that she still like you. Why dont you meet with are and sort this out together. As her what she want from you. Maybe she still have feeling for you and is not happy with her bf.
Do you still also want to take her back if it is possible.
If not cut her off completely and date someone else.
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