A
female
age
30-35,
*ivaRandal
writes:my husband was considered a very wicked upstart newcomer who was regarded by many as gods gift to women.he is very wealthy and used to be a playboy.but this went into his head and he used to sexually harass women who rejected him or would get verbally abusive and call them *****.he also used to smoke and did drugs.he overdosed once 5 years ago and stopped breathing and was saved when the ambulance came.now hes 31 but 2 months ago he thrashed his 24 year old friend by revealing her sexual antics on radio,the number of men she slept with and who's she sleeping with while hes talking and 3 weeks ago he said hesa fan of the same friend.why??in 2007 also the year we got married he became platonic with a girl several years younger than,kissing her on cheeks,head or taking her in his arms.even before we got married he started thinking of baby names and chose a baby name for a girl!.I initiate kissing him and hugging him though not him.infact he got serious after I kissed him as if he didnt want to be kissed.though we go to public events together,once while attending a social gathering he only got himself photographed,was talking to other people and i was left behind.when we were leaving only then we were photographed together,that too without any contact between us.in front of our married friends we pose closely as they are all over each other.he has a tattoo of my name on his arm and also has our daughter's name on his arm.once he had to get his tattoos photographed,which he had.he got all tattoos photographed proudly showing our daughter's name but left out mine.so why does he have my tattoo if its not worth showing?he has changed mostly after the birth of our daughter(he cut his verbal abuse,became better and stopped drugs and smoking)he is financially quite strong and has a job which requires him to be out of home a lot.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): You say how you met but say nothing about how you feel about him. Do you actually want to be with this guy? Sometimes the most outwardly charming guys are the most poisonous inside. Though it may seem romantic that he memorised your phone number and called you the following day, his behaviour towards you is disrespectful.
A
female
reader, DivaRandal +, writes (21 September 2011):
DivaRandal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe met at bar in 2004 where he saw me,asked me for my phone number and i gave him saying if you can memorize it then call.he called next day and we began dating.the next year in December 2005 we got engaged and in September 2007.he was desperate to have a child so we had a daughter in July 2008.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Its almost like your the 'token' wife and child, his family as a front.Was he advised to tone down his behaviour and show a family front?
You also haven't mentioned once that you love or fell in love with him. Only the negatives of this relationship,his earnings and that he was gods gift to women
If it was me I would end it, neither of you sounds in love or that you ever were.I am sure you will get a home and maintenance - then you will be free to find real happiness for you and your daughter
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Boy, did YOU buy a "pig in a poke"... I can only offer you lots of prayers and good luck.... since this "hubby" sounds like an ultimate player.... and YOU sound like you're going to have lots of angst and disappointment whilest you spend time with him....
You deserve better.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): It sounds like your husband is famous or from a very wealthy family, or for some reason thinks he is famous... so he acts entitled. I see a lot of famous people have troubled relationships. They have so much money but struggle with their spouses. I think it really shows that money, fame, and all of that really doesn't buy much happiness... It sounds like he is very arrogant and like to stir up drama, really. It is good that he has stopped drugs etc, but he doesn't sound very loving to you from what I understand. Almost like he is trying to hide you. Maybe he has a lot of female fans? Not sure. I don't understand how a famous person would think... especially since everyone would already know they are married. Seems odd to me.I personally think he sounds like an ass from what you say. I think he is very disrespectful to you and other women. If he is abusive in the past, that's not good either. I don't know if he would take couple's therapy, but you should tell him how you feel and that you want to work on a stronger marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): Wow, he sounds like such a catch. NOT. I feel for you because you have married a train wreck of a man and if things are like this now, they are unlikely to get better in the future. It's a bit concerning that you married him despite knowing what kind of a person he is, or did you only find out later? The saddest part is that you have a child together so whatever happens you will always have a connection with him. Tell me, apart from his money, does he have any redeeming features? What exactly is it that you like about him? If you think there is something to salvage, by all means talk to him and try to work things out. Perhaps he would be willing to cut down his working hours and spend more time with you and your daughter. The fact that he made positive changes after the birth of your daughter is a good thing, as it shows he is willing and able to change. However, he changed for his daughter, not for you. So I'm sorry to say this but it doesn't sound like he loves you, at least not in the way he should. He shows you no affection, except as a façade in front of his friends, while being affectionate towards a younger girl. I imagine his behaviour is really hurtful to you and you can't possibly be happy in this situation. Whoever you are, whatever your strengths and weaknesses, you must surely understand that you deserve infinitely better than this person. And it's not just you, you have a child to raise, and even if he dotes on her, would you really want her to grow up watching her father disrespect her mother? What would that be teaching her? Please think long and hard about what a life with him will be like. If you leave now, it will be hard and painful and you'll move on and come out on the other side stronger. If you stay with him, be prepared for a lifetime of suffering. I think that without telling you directly what to do - because that must be your choice - I have made it quite clear what I think you need to do. Please think of yourself and the potential happiness that you could have.
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