A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i need to know whats the point of a relationship? after being dumped, cheated on, hurting others, and my obsession with romance. ive lost my way and reasons why a relationship is so important Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): You will know what love is when you find it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not the type to do the whole "elimidate" game with women. i just do what i usually do, find a girl with the same interests as me. i treat girls respectfully as long as they treat me the same, a girl is like a delicate flower and you help make her bloom beautifully. i just dont know what love is anymore
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): Wow great attitude male anonymous....(not) very insulting to women your attitude....I seriously doubt you know what the "best" woman is.
You are just thick in the head not thick skinned...:)
It's guys like you who give men a bad name, "this is war not love".....geez, grow up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): You're right to question, Mr. Anonymous. I can assure you that romance is way overrated and wasted on many undeserving girls and besides, a loving "relationship" is not for everyone. It's a good thing you've started to discovered this so young. Many guys are fooled and throw away countless years on worthless bimbos who never appreciate them for the valuable men that they are.Fortunately there is a powerful alternative for guys in your position, my friend:Be patient but don't give up. You will soon learn how this all works and you will be happy for it.Do not entangle yourself so early in the game. Especially if you are tall, good looking, witty and fun.You see, as you get older and more confident, have more financial stability and experience, you will become more and more valuable in the eyes of both hot young and desperate aging females whose scary biological clock is tick-ticking away and who have lost the youthful charms they lazily relied upon in earlier times to real in guys like you (hitting the wall some call it.) The latter will usually begin to realize the rapidly approaching physical decline in the last minute and their desperate attempts in trying to bag a guy like you will help expand the absolute supply of girls available to you. These will be golden years for you, my friend, just you be patient and see.Another good thing to realize is that YOU get to choose the girl, not the other way around. You make the first move. Don't let these girls tell you otherwise. They mostly just wait around cowardly for some guy like you to "man up" and make the first move so that they can then smugly decide whether to turn him down or not. What I wouldn't give to see just one single girl go out and have to deal with the heaps of rejection that an ordinary or even good looking guy has to face dealing with the opposite sex! I don't know a girl who would last one solid minute under that kind of pressure, ha, ha, ha! But trust me, your a man and you will get used to it with practice and it will surely prove to be a great advantage for you. We men have to build up thick skins to to survive. It seems to me that you are in need of some skin-thickening.The men who are successful in getting the girls they want are not "afraid" of getting hurt as you have become because they're not going to attempt to fall for the type of girls that would try to hurt them. These guys have super thick skins and a lot of confidence to go after the kind of girl they want and experience in judging character to pick the right ones.In order to find the best girl you have to be like the old door to door salesmen and sell, sell, sell to many girls. It's basically a numbers game. You're going to have to make 100 or 1000 attempts to get a few decent and interested candidates. If you go for a girl and she shuts you out without giving you an opportunity, drop her like a hot potato and move on. You don't have time to waste on her when there are literally millions of them out there and you need to move you a** if you want to be successful. Be discriminating but make a big effort to get out there looking everywhere. Be ready for every opportunity as you don't know when a great girl will appear. Don't just take the first one to come down the line. Make selections based on YOUR criteria, not hers or those of someone else. Let the girls compete for your attention if you can get them to go for it. Stand back and enjoy. Pick your finalist and gently eliminate the rest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): Hi
Life is not a game. You stand to gain so much more than mere perks and prizes and you lose a lot more, and often there are no second chances.
Now, as for that girl, well, tough luck. I think that this has hurt you and even let you down a bit. But, then, I don't know a single person (including myself) who hasn't been hurt or bruised or even scared in love. That comes with the territory. However, when in love, and I mean truly in love, you should only think about giving without a lot of expectations (this is the very first commandment of love) and then you should love someone because that is the only thing that you can do around them. If you don't feel that way then you are suffering an advanced stage of crush and it is not love at all. Yes, we do everything right and yet we get burned. And that is because there are always some risks involved and there are always variables beyond our control. I know that you know all of this, but I am reminding you of it.
Now, this is what it is and either you accept this or you live your life like Abnezer Scrooge (read A Christmas Carrol, by Charles Dickens). So.. and don't worry, love and relationships get better with age and experience and then there is nothing as fulfilling as love... but even then it takes a lot of effort from both partners to make it work.
SO.
For now you are feeling this way, but time will heal. Let this one go, and try to keep busy. The hurt will heal and when you look around you, you will notice that life is still as beautiful and that you are still lucky to be alive and soon nature will do her work and you will feel better.
Till then, my friend, I want you to just take one day at a time. Are you truly devastated by this lady or are you hurt just a little bit?
Don't worry, just have faith in life and then things will be taken care of... there is a cosmic force that connects us all... the power that keeps a leaf attached to the tree...
Best of Luck
Love :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u all for your helpful answers, i understand that a relationship isnt nescessary in life sometimes. i always thought of life as a game, it consists of friendship, wealth, happiness, education, a relationship, and other stuff. i never took life seriously at all. i did "love" the girl i was with but she didnt like romance at all.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 October 2009):
A relationship is the icing on the cake of your life.
Yeah icing is great and makes the whole thing taste sweeter, but it's not the MOST important thing. You can have a REALLY nice cake with no icing at all.
Get your life in order and if you meet another girl and decide to give it a go then great. If not then don't worry about it.
There are too many people in the world for us all to breed anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): HI
Ok, are you in love with the IDEA of being in love or with the person you are with? Do you think that you fall in love too soon and believe in the fluffy pink candy floss version? There is no such thing. It takes work and love happens after spending a lot of time and sharing, acceptance and adjustment.
So, before you go out and start calling it a relationship, remember it is not a relationship until you have been with each other for at least 3months.
Now, the point of a relationship? Well, to me it is having the support and tender loving care of someone who lets me be myself and accepts me! It is like a cocoon,my own haven.
And vice versa.
And I love, because I need to love someone and I like having a pair of male arms hold me and it helps to know that they have been around for a long time. So... that is all I can tell
Love
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Well, la dee da dee dah, there is no perfect person out there for you.
People are not perfect and a relationship's purpose is not to teach us a lesson.
That said, you can learn from a failed relationship. You learn a little more about yourself and what you need in a relationship, what you desire in a partner and you pick up some relationship skills, you can even grow as a person and mature from being in a certain relationship.
A relationship with someone is not necessary in order to be happy. You can be very fulfilled being on your own and single, you have no one to be responsible to really other than yourself, you can pick up and travel when ever you want to, you can make career changes at will because there is no one else to consider and you can devote yourself to a cause if you want to and make sacrifices that won't cost your realtionship anything.
The importance of a relationship is that it is based on friendship and how well it takes care of each person's needs in the relationship. All relationships are negotiated, meaning you have to be able to put someone elses needs above your own much of the time. You have to be willing to be a person worthy of love and put action into your loving. Love is not a feeling, Love is committment most of all. That and compassion are really more important than love. Love is a conscious DECISION, not a feeling. So you can choose to be all that to another person or you can choose to be all that to your cause or your passions in life alone.
The great thing is you have a choice.
Right now you are choosing to be bitter about your experiences. Realize that no one owes us a relationship. If someone mistreated you then they simply lacked the capacity for love, for that conscious choice that committment that is true love. That isn't a reflection on how lovable you are, it is a reflection on their ability or capacity for love.
So if you want a relationship, you can have one. Choose wisely.
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A
female
reader, OmShantih +, writes (10 October 2009):
 There not!Its just what people have always done! It dates back from when we were animals and would pair up to mate, as we have evolved over time so has the 'relationship' from being just nature, to this complex thing that involves so many emotions and factors.A relationship is whatever you want it to be. It sounds like you have alot of healing to do before you go into another one. Ever 'love' is sent to us to teach us a lesson, so that when we have learned all our lessons we will me 'the one' and everything will just work. you will just be together, as on.People put far to much pressure on themselves to find the one, and settle down. Forget out all of that, get back to being you, doing what you want, when you want and enjoying life - its far too short.Then when you least expect it - the perfect person will hit you like a big yellow school bus! And it will just be! all the best,Love and Light
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