A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi people, i'd just like to ask opinions on this matter. Basically I'm a 29 year old single male whose not going out of his way to look for a relationship, but open to one if the opportunity presents itself with a worthy candidate. A bit about myself - I'm a decent guy, I have respect for others, I'm loyal, trustworthy, honest. I have a sense of humour, can make people laugh and people say generally I have a good personality and nature to me. I've also been told I'm fairly good looking or "cute" as they say these days. (personally looks aren't the most important thing when it comes to attraction in my view, and I don't rate myself that highly in that department). I don't sleep with females when I'm single, and I've never cheated on any of my ex's in any of those relationships. All I ask for from people is the same respect and honesty that I would show them.My problem is, that the few girls I have been getting to know in the last year or so (at different times of course), have been great girls, cracking personalities and generally we've just gotten along great, and me not expecting anything other than friendship. Then things take another turn where girls will begin to flirt and take things away from the "Friend zone". Basically to cut a long story short, the girls in question at one point or another have told me they've fallen for me after maybe weeks to a couple of months in chatting with me, and would like to meet up and take things to another level, and in the few instances I've mentioned, I've fallen for them too (stupidly now it would seem), and agreed. Then the next thing It all changes, they just go cold and act like friends again, and absolutely no sense of them wanting to take things any further than just an online friendship (By the way, I'm not the sort of guy to jump the gun and get the wrong impression of girls and assume they fancy me, its always been them to reveal their feelings to me first). It gets to a hard point then for me because its difficult to just see them as "friends" again so I have to cut contact and then I'm left wondering what hell all that was just about There's a lot of bad press out there about the way guys treat girls, when and how they please, and all I want to do is show girls that not all guys are like that. Girls always complain that they're the hard done by ones, and guys have no respect just playing around with girls hearts then moving onto the next etc, but that's behaviour they're showing to me. Is there something I'm missing? I'm thinking that girls cannot believe that there's decent guys in the world, and especially when one comes into their lives, so assuming I'm just another player, or too good to be true, they hurt me before I can hurt them?What's the point in telling a guy you've fallen for him when you have no intention of taking things further? Wouldn't it just be more simple for everyone if you knew you weren't ready for a relationship, just never go down that route with someone you began a good friendship with?If anyone has any insight into this then I'd be happy to read it.Thanks.
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female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 As a woman I can honestly say not all men are the same. But some women can be arseholes too. Some women play to get what they want and be really childish about it. Women are quick to brand men but you are who you are. I know women that have been hurt by a guy and think they are are all the same so she gets with a decent enough guy then dumps all over him because she thinks she had better do it before he does. Maybe these women have issues, who knows? Pick yourself up up and dust yourself off. You'll find one of us that's perfect for you. The good obes are hard to find! Good Luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): It's a one on one thing. we do not know what particularly happens or happened between these girls and you.. unless you give us entire details. even then it is highly unlikely that you know everything.. only what "these girls" have revealed to you.You said it yourself... not all guys are the same. Similarly, not all girls are the same. I think the problem is that women and men are now stereotypes... not individuals... so do not be quick to judge them... The reason can be anything. It can be because they were playing you, they lost interest, or they just weren't as attracted to you..Also in chat you think someone is a certain way... but they turn out to be completely different... it can be both ways.. you think these girls are something else... these girls think you are something else.. I don't think I can give any other explanation. What I would advice you is to meet a girl in real life... get her IM id... then chat with her...I'm sure you are more comfortable chatting to a person... so this way you will know the girl and the girl will know you beforehand... so both of you will know what you are getting into..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Not particularly, no. I'm just me, and they are who they are. I never see myself as being the perfect guy a girl wants, and I never assume that any girl is gonna be the love of my life. Girls either likes me or they don't. All I expect is a bit of decency, honesty and consideration, so I know where I stand, as I would with them. I can take rejection no problem, but I can't tolerate dishonest people who lead you down the road and lose you, for some personal unknown gain of theirs.
Females make up the majority of the complaints about being taken for a mug by the opposite sex (and the same sex in some cases, but that's another story). So what is this now? The revenge of the female, "treat men how they've been treating us for decades"? Just as a female will be quick enough to tell a guy that not all females are the same, I can say not all males are either.
Honesty, respect, communication and understanding, and the world would be a far more pleasant place to live.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): From your update, I bet you love the chase of a damsel in distress, and you enjoy the idea of coming to her rescue, making her believe that you are her knight in shining armour; the problem is she is only interested in a bad boy, and you are attracted to charity cases. I predict that if a good girl came along you would ignore her as she is not a experiment for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): I'm the OP lol. -
So basically, the commonly accepted explanation is, that I would have to become some sorry excuse of a man who beats his woman, has a habit of spending all her hard earned money partying, meet a bit on the side in a bar or club, spend the weekend with her, then come crawling home to my girlfriend on monday morning with some sorry excuse about where I've been, and expect my breakfast on the table?
Is that really the lack of respect you females want from a man?
If that's what romance is in the 21st century then forget it! I'd rather be single with pride than be in a relationship as some sad excuse for a boyfriend lol.
All I can say to those women: is find happiness being treated like crap, don't sit there complaining how badly your boyfriends treat you when you're prepared to put up with it :).
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 ahhhh such a good question. i can honestly say i know exactly what you're talking about. women complain that they get treated like complete crap by men all the time, yet turn around and treat the good guys like pure shit. the problem is that women are reinforcing mens bad behavior. the crappier you treat a woman, the more they seem to come crawling back for more. and the nicer you are and better you treat them, they play you for a fool. and the women on here can all say that i'm wrong and i'm full of it, but i'm sorry, it's just a fact. 99% of women are this way. it's just a sad reality. and i've known plenty of really decent men who have actually stopped treating women well because no one actually wants to be with them. they've learned they have to somewhat act like a player to be taken seriously and keep women interested.
i think this is just unfortunately human nature at its finest (or worst). we always tend to want what we can't have. and this just plays on our simple human desires. it's why exes you dumped suddenly become more desirable the moment you see them happy with someone else. and i don't think it's just women who are like this, either. men do the same thing, too.
i don't think these women just weren't ready for a relationship. they just are bored and don't have a clue what they want. they think they like you one minute, then change their mind or meet someone else the next and use this "i'm not ready for a relationship" BS as an excuse. dating can be hell. lol. to say the least.
i can speak from personal experience on what you're going through because i date women, myself. and i've asked myself the same questions for a long time and had the same problems. and i used to be the nicest, most sincere person you could ever meet. now? i've learned not to be that way anymore because it doesn't work. you get walked all over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): Are you maybe changing the way you act towards them once you start to like them? My best friend does that, she has a brilliant personality and attracts lots of guys who really like her at first, but if she starts liking them back for some reason she changes and starts sucking up to them a lot, agreeing with everything they say and generally being far too agreeable. She must think she is acting in a way that will make them like her more, but in fact the guys can't get away quick enough because the girl with the banter that they fell for completely disappears. Just a suggestion, but maybe have a think too see if you start trying too hard to be the perfect nice guy instead of yourself?
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (31 January 2013):
 So you are talking about chatting to girls online not in real life? In my experience with online dating, I've thought a guy was great chatted away then met up and a) he was totally different in real life b) didn't look like his pics c) there was just no spark... Basically u don't know what someone is like till you meet them in person. Don't chat for ages, meet up, date, see how you feel before you make declarations!
Don't feel rejected, sometimes there just isn't chemistry between 2 people, no ones fault.
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