A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21, my boyfriend is 26, we have been together for almost 2 years. He is *amazing* in bed, gives me many intense orgasms whereas he doesn't come easily (a woman's dream since it means he stays hard for a *while* without 'arriving')My question is, is his sexual "prowess" related to my increasing jealousy/insecurities? When we started dating I was confident, didn't care if he talked about girls or sex, but now I've just become so close-minded about those things. Last week I started arguing with him just because he said he liked an actress in a movie, so I kind of took revenge claiming I would enjoy fucking this other random guy. What's wrong with me? How can I become less jealous and insecure? It's more ridiculous because he has never cheated on me, he doesn't even look at other girls in 'that' way, he is so respectful. Maybe that's why I've become controlling??
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 January 2013):
 i don't know why you've become controlling, but what you said about fucking some random older guy is pretty ridiculous. sounds like you already know that, though. making a comment about a celebrity is NOT the same as talking about sleeping with some person in passing. sounds to me like he's a good guy. you've no reason to be jealous. sounds like you just love him a lot and feel very territorial. which to some degree, is normal. the next time you feel this anger and jealousy welling up inside, relax and tell yourself you have nothing to worry about. once you can start to notice when you're feeling these things and indentify what triggers them, you can learn how to control them. i sometimes have certain issues with particular things, and i've learned that how i used to respond was unhealthy and unfair. so i recognize now when i'm feeling that way, and instead of "retaliating", i communicate my feelings. let the person i'm with know what i'm feeling and why, and they can comfort me and make me feel better.
being in touch with your emotions and the reasons you feel certain ways, and learning and relearning how to respond to certain things is a wonderful thing to do. there's nothing wrong with you. just don't get yourself caught up in this pattern. you don't want to start reinforcing it or make it a habit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): You should talk to him because if your a happy,secure and confident person the its probably just down to the fact that your feelings are alot stromger then they were back then and because you are aware of what a good catch he is and you dont want to lose him. So if this is the case then you should talk to him about it and maybe he can reassure you because its normal to feel alittle jealous occasionally but if its to the point of making you feel uncomfortable then you should think about whether this is linked with situations in your past then talk to
someone about it but if not dont worry.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): It makes sense that you didn't care as much about your boyfriend talking about other women when you first got together, because you weren't close to him yet. Over time, your feelings for him got stronger, so now it seems more threatening to you when he does this. That's normal. However, I will admit that saying you would enjoy sex with a random guy was a bit out of line, when all he said was he liked the actress in the movie. He could have just meant he thought she played her part well. And even if he commented on her being attractive, that doesn't automatically mean he wants to have sex with her (unless he said so, in which case he was also out of line).As far as overcoming your jealousy/insecurity goes, it isn't going to be an easy process. I was this way myself, so I know. For me, it was my appearance I hated, and I constantly compared myself to other women, and always felt like I was coming up short. I had SO many things about my looks I didn't like, and my at-the-time boyfriend made me feel even worse by commenting on how good other women looked. And you guessed it, it was always the "prefect" women he commented on. The ones who looked polar opposite of me. I used to not have even one good feature about my looks. I was too skinny due to an insanely high metabolism so I had no boobs what-so-ever, because I had no extra body fat at all. My hair was thin and never seemed to grow past my shoulders. My skin was sickly pale, and I had dark circles under my eyes. I wore insane amounts of makeup to try to make my skin have color, but I didn't know how to apply it properly, so it just made me look worse, and it told people all the more how insecure I was. Then one day, about 6 years ago, I decided to do something about all the things I didn't like about myself, instead of just sitting around feeling sorry for myself all the time. I went to a GNC, and picked out a good multivitamin, and also a a different vitamin that specialized in improving hair, skin, and nails. I took them around the same time everyday. I also started drinking a lot more water, and replaced all the pop I drank with fruit juice. Gradually, I started to notice my appearance improving. My skin was starting to have color, my hair was getting thicker and longer, the dark circles under my eyes were lessening, and I was starting to gain weight in the right places. After a few years, my skin was no longer as pale. (It's a VERY gradual change, you won't see improvement overnight, or even in the first few months). You have to be patient, but it'll pay off in the end. It's been a full 6 years now, and I don't even look like the same person anymore. I don't need makeup at all, my skin looks great, my hair is down to my waist and very shiny, and I've filled out quite nicely. I no longer wish I look like the other women I see, especially not the ones you see on t.v., because most of them have been surgically altered, anyway. Not to mention, with high definition t.v. now, you can really see all the makeup they're wearing. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I used to think they just naturally looked that beautiful, because I was a kid who didn't know any better. Anyway, if it's your appearance you don't like, find ways to improve it naturally, and I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2013):
 The best way to boost your self-esteem is to get some short term counseling with a professional to figure out why you are feeling so insecure.
Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity... it's not about love or possession... it's not about what THEY are doing but rather how you are FEELING....
what's changed?
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