A
female
age
30-35,
*heeky Madam
writes:Everyone talks about their one true love and things like that, so is it common that most people? Will most people have a true love and a first love? What's the difference? Is it like (not the best simile I know) your first car say? You remember the colour and the registration? Everyone still loves there first car even if it wasn’t reliable.See in my situation I'm with my first and only love, have been for the last 5 years. Another guy came on the scene we both had an attraction but neither of us did anything as we both had partners but a year later we still talk often, the attraction hasn't faded at all. I think if we had both been single we would have got together.Does that mean I'm with my first love but the other guy could have been my true love?I'm just out for ideas really, I’m not thinking about having an affair or anything like that just want people view on first love and true love.Thanks
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 A person can have ONLY ONE "first love".... All the rest must reconcile that they are "later" loves.....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 The only people who judge you for being in the same relationship for 5 years are those who envy you. Believe me, most would love to find an amazing partner to have a long ter, loving relationship with on first try. Most have to go through years and years of dating and failed relationships in order to find what you've found on first try. So when they judge you, it's because they are jealous that you hit gold on first try, and they didn't.
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female
reader, Cheeky Madam +, writes (24 March 2013):
Cheeky Madam is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTbh honest I meant to put quote marks around true love and first love as I don't really believe in it myself, I just wondered what people's stance on this as I see a lot of people reference this kind of stuff .But there have been some great answers it helps to see how others perceive my relationship in a sense as I am often judged for being with the same guy for so long.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): What is love? It means so many things to different people. We love our parents, we love our children, we love our siblings, we love our friends, our home, our pets. But being in love is something quite diffirent .. We choose the person we're with .. We love them good parts and bad and some people put up with the most horrendous situation because of the word of 'love' I think the song ' the trouble with love is, sung by Kelly clarkson'. Sums up love ..Love can be a many splendored thingCan't deny the joy it bringsA dozen roses, diamond ringsDreams for sale and fairy talesIt'll make you hear a symphonyAnd you just want the world to seeBut like a drug that makes you blind,It'll fool ya every time..Now for me.. I've been with my husband for 25 years since 15 teen . I turned the big 40 on march 1st haha .. He is my only love.. I can't see myself with anyone else neither can he, even after all these years.. That doesn't mean we have had our ups and downs .. That's life and reality.. I feel our love and bond have strengthen over time . We have three children 20 years old 5 years and 18 months . We liked doing thing in stages lol.. We are committed to each other to our family, and our home ... And love doesn't always last the course, but it can through hard work keeping yourself fresh and realising that you don't take each other for granted. Love is very much a roller coaster ride it has its ups and downs .. Young love, puppy love.. We were told that's what we were. Yet here we are still together . And now people say he was my true love.. He is in my eyes, my only love.. Hope this help you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): I don't even know what you can call true love. What is love anyway. Some people call infatuation and sexual desire love, some long term commitment. And to regards to first love. Mine was a boy with whom I lost my virginity at the age of 16. When I met him again 2 years after we broke up, I couldn't believe he was my choice. He didn't even look cute to me. That's how I remember my so called first love. We idolized and put event in some pretty wrapping, but in fact most of the time it doesn't have any significance at all. First love, true love, it's all pretty words, but the reality is that at a certain time you want to have a companion that you will have kids with and grow old together. And the you stay with this person because he is kind to you and your kids, because you have lots on common, and because of companionship. May be this what ou call true love, I don't know.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (24 March 2013):
I don't think these are universal terms, I've never heard talk of any of these. Perhaps they're just popular ways to describe the person you're with?
To me, when someone says "true love" it sounds like they want to justify their past. Such as.. well maybe they slept around with many, but with their current boyfriend/girlfriend it is somehow different because they justify it with them being their "true love". As if they didn't know what love was until then, so everything in the past doesn't count somehow.
At least, I have a friend who slept around a lot and tried to get pregnant as a teenager to every guy that would sleep with her. She claimed to love them all, but all her relationships ended after a few months. Then she actually DID get pregnant by one of her boyfriends, and then she said that it must have been faith, and that she got pregnant with him because he was the love of her life... But really, I know her history, and I know she would have wanted to get pregnant by all of her past boyfriends. Faith or destiny had nothing to do with her getting pregnant, but lying about taking birth control had a lot to do with it...
So to me, when someone says "true love" they try to say that all the other "loves" they had in the past shouldn't count. Perhaps because they feel embarrassed about it, or perhaps they were raised to believe you should only ever have sex with ONE person in your life. So when you constantly say "well THIS one is my true love... no wait, THIS one is my true love..." and then the relationship and NEXT boyfriend/girlfriend is the true love... All as an excuse for sleeping with them. Or, they have already forgotten how their last partner was supposedly the love of their lives, and instead of just admitting they're capable of loving more people they change who is the "true love" constantly.
The truth is there is NO "one true love". We're able to love several, and there's no one destined to be with us. When a relationship ends though it doesn't mean we didn't love them enough, or that the love was false, or that they weren't "the one". Everyone we meet can be "the one", but in order to have a good relationship you need to work at it and build it up. Love is never enough, there can be tons of love, but a relationship needs so much else in order to work.
By "first love" I think people just mean the person they were first in love with/had their first serious relationship with. And I agree that some people idealize their first relationship, even though it was crap. But that's human nature, we have a selective memory. We can look back and remember all the negative things, or we can look back and remember all the positive things. That just depends on your personality.
Don't believe in destiny when it comes to love, or else you'll be exactly like my friend who got pregnant as a teenager and thought it was faith and "true love". She was willing to end up pregnant with anyone who wanted to sleep with her.. how much "faith and true love" was that about? It was more like jeopardy and Russian roulette, the one she eventually did end up pregnant with was announced to be the "final true love"...
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reader, Abella +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Your "first love" may feel like your "one true love" but this is rarely the case. And although many people sincerely feel that the love of their life is their "one true love" I don't believe this either. I used to believe it when I was a teenager. But life and experience have shown me that this is not true.Our "first love" is often a idealized love where we see no wrong and see no faults in the one we love and we assume that the person embodies every possible good attribute known to man. In truth no one is perfect. But it is very common for a "first love" to be placed on a Pedestall so high that the height of that pedestall would rival Mount Everest. This is unrealistic. It is very healthy to see and know the good and the not so perfect aspects of a person and still enjoy their company all the same. I am impatient. I know that. So I keep on working on that aspect of me.My guy is beyond impatient. He makes me look like a saint when it comes to impatience. (I am no saint) I humor him and tolerate his impatience as I like him too much to try to change him. It just means I need to time manage more effectively than I would without him. I know if he says we will leave at 7 then I had better be ready by 6.55.Left to myself I would be ready by 7.10 or 7.15, I mean it's close enough isn't it? Did I mention I can let time run away? I know it drives him nuts so I make sure I respect his need for order. Yes he was once in the Army.It's why when my best friend and I go to lunch I make sure it is a rostered day off, as I know we will be still talking about things over lunch, 4 hours after lunch started. She and I have been best friends since we were 4 years old. A "one true love" is an illusion. I always feel so sad for anyone who loses their first love and never allows themselves to love again. This is such a waste.I adored my first husband. And I adore my second husband as well. I am not just "lucky" as there are many people who enjoy more than one "true love," therefore it is unfair to think we can only have "one true love".The important skill is not to FIND a "one true love". The really important skill is to remain FAITHFUL to the person who you have chosen to love as your MOST significant other.Because the statistics are this:In the world there are 7 billion peopleAbout 50% of those people are male and 50% are female. Though in some countries like China and India there are more men than women. So let us assume you are female. That means that 3.5 billion men are out there in the world.Not all of them are available to you.Some are too young for you.Some are too old for you. I imagine you would not want to bring a 90 year old new boyfriend home to meet your parents.A proportion of men are GayA small proportion of people have chosen to never have a sexual relationship (such as Monks and Priests who abide by their vow of celibacy) A proportion of men are in long term Jail and may never get out of jailA proportion of people for whatever reason have chosen to never have a relationship with anyone.And some people have no possiblity of connecting with you as their values and attitudes are so different to your values and attitudesBut that still leaves hundreds of thousands of men in different places all over the world who would adore you if they met you. The trick is to get out and allow yourself opportunities to meet these people.Because if you lived in a different place you would find a partner who you would connect with and come to regard as your "true love". And if your true love passed away and you moved to a different place you would connect with another person as your next "true love" Connecting with another person is also about liking yourself enough so that others will enjoy your company.If you don't think you are worth loving then how do you never expect others to see in you things worth loving? Being able to love and respect and value who you are is the best indicator that others will take a lead from your approach towards you and also come to love the same things about you. After all you are the expert on you.People who are truly and genuinely in love with their "true love" do not easily give up on a person they love. They are not easily discouraged. They stay there when times are tough. They do not change their "true love" when the wind changes. And out of respect for their "true love" they say NO to CHEATING.Sadly, everyone does not have a "first love" nor a "one true love". When this happens it often means that the person themselves lacks confidence in themselves and needs to work on that confidence level. Or they might have some personality flaws or body odour or may have fitness challenges. But Confidence is the key. Because there is always someone who would love to be your really special "true love"And some people set unattainable goals, and are bound to fail. This is when they define exactly what their "true love" must look like or what assets he must have. This is a disastrous and judgemental way to try to find a partner. So if someone was only looking for a 6'.7" tall man with violet eyes and blonde hair who was worth 5 billion dollars, then seeking such a partner is likely to be unsuccessful or even end in tears.Being non-judgemental and open minded and not acidic nor unkind will make it much easier to find the person of your dreams
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): First love is the first person you really feel deep love and attraction for.... and often this ends. True love, is the person you feel is your 'meant to be with' person. My first love, I loved and adored but I always felt he wasn't 'Mine forever'. When I met what I feel is my 'true love', I feel like he is part of me, and I am meant to be with him.
Some say there are many soul mates that come into your life, but only one twin flame. I am not sure I believe that, but you can decide for yourself. One thing that many people say, is your 'true love' you will KNOW and have no doubt that you want to be with them forever... that you will just KNOW.
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