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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm not the best with women. I'm OK but not great. One thing I just can't seem to do is be persistent in pursuing a girl I really like because I don't want to be seen as a glorified stalker. If I ask a girl out and she says no, I leave it at that and don't take it any further.The thing is though I've met loads of women who say their partners kept and pursuing them and pretty much ground them down until they finally agreed to go out with them, and the rest was history...So I guess what I want to know is what's the difference between pushing them until they say yes and glorified stalking. Female answers are much appreciated!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): In my opinion sometimes persistant works but other times it doesnt. Id say get to know a girl as a before you ask her out to see if shes into you first.
A stalker is someone who contacts or approaches a girl constantly with no response from her at all. or if she avoids you and you continue to pursue her.
Being persistant is letting a girl know you like her by making an effort to pursue her if shes playing hard to get. avoiding or saying no is not playing hard to get if thats the case just let it go. But if her answer is not right now or maybe another time its okay to be persistant by waiting a while and then asking her out again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): To answer your question : there is no difference between pushing for a date and glorified stalking. You ask women out on dates, you don't "push " them against their wi to date you.Seriously imagine what would happen if a woman only went on a date with you because you bullied her into it. What do you think will be her attitude to you on the date? Positive or negative? She will be looking at her watch the whole time waiting for it to end so you will finally leave her alone and let her get on with her life. Would that make you happy??Or she would have arranged for her friends to "rescue" her from a date she didn't want to go on. Like, her phone will conveniently ring and it will conveniently be some emergency that requires her to leave early. I really don't see why you think it is ever a good idea to ignore a woman saying "no" to you. What makes you think you can just override her like that??
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (20 August 2013):
Dear OP,
You already do it right: you take a 'no' for a no. Many guys still don't get that! They're being told they've got to be persistent.. but really? Can you force attraction to happen, just by determination? I mean, think of it the other way: If a girl asked you out and you said 'no', why would it suddenly become a 'yes' after the 20st time?
Yeah, I've heard of those pursuing stories, but.. I've also heard more stories like "I already told him 'no' but he keeps asking me.. eeww.. he's such a creep". Persistent could maybe.. maybe (not for me) be attractive if a woman is looking for a complete macho. But if that's not your true character, being dominant and full of yourself, then why even try to act like that just to get a date with someone who doesn't like your style?
My advice here is: No is no, don't change that. But: You can make it easier for her to say yes, by first getting to know her and get a feeling she likes you back. Make conversation and find out if she laughs at your jokes, if she looks at you while talking, smiles at you, brushes her hands through her hair..
Also, it's wise not to ask for a really big date right away. For instance, ask the woman you know if she wants to come to a party that you're throwing, of course she can bring her friends (so it's not a date, no big risk of rejection, but if she really likes you she'll probably show up or make a different suggestion). Or ask if she wants to join you for a coffee break (if you work together). Or something like that. If you make big explanations like "uhm.. I really like you.. do you want to go on a date with me?" It's too blunt and obvious.
I mean, if you ask a woman to have a coffee with you, she normally already figured out you like her and if she says yes, she knows it's kind of a date.
A final word about pursuing: Ok, I met one guy who was 'persistent' in a way. But he was persistent in the cutest way ever. I mean, it was wussy but it somehow pushed the right buttons. He asked me out and I invented a lame excuse not to go. So he just wrote a very polite mail saying, it's okay, he thought I'm out of his league anyway and it would have been too good to be true. That was sooo cute (and made me feel guilty) that I said okay, let's have coffee together! But I suppose many women would find it whiny..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): I think the women who tell you this were probably always interested in the guy and there was some external reason why she kept saying no initially (another boyfriend, studies, job etc)I also think that these women probably weren't pursued relentlessly - the guy who was interested probably backed away from asking her out for a while and concentrated on getting to know her in a non-romantic way first. If they built up a friendship first without him badgering her for a date constantly then she would be able to see more of what he has to offer as a potential boyfriend.Asking somebody out once every 6 months isn't stalkerish - asking somebody once a week IS. And asking more than 3 times is beyond persistant in my opinion.Personally, I find guys that don't take no for an answer irritating (at best) and even threatening (worst case scenario) and either way it may end up with me terminating the friendship if it continued.Last time it happened to me I said to the guy"You've asked me out twice before and I've always said no. I said no because I don't fancy you and I am uncomfortable dating people that I'm not physically attracted to. I've known you for 2 years now and, although I like you alot, I STILL DON'T FANCY YOU. I am never going to fancy you and I don't want you to ask me again - ever."Luckily he got the message and never asked me again and we're still friends. I don't blame him for trying but his behaviour was getting really irritating and it was affecting our friendship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): Its like trying to ask a woman for casual sex. The difference between a disrespectful creep and a successful guy is mainly how she responded, not what you did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): If a girl says she doesn't want to go out with you, take it as final and don't push again. It is rude and insensitive and inappropriate crossing of boundaries (I.e. stalkerish) to push after someone has already told you no. It is harassment. It makes the girl like you even less, not more!Don't believe the women who claim they initially disliked their partner until he crossed their boundaries and ground them down. No one thinks like that in real life. They are probably lying to make themselves seem more attractive or make their story sound more dramatic or to flatter themselves (as if they are that desirable) .However many women like me feel uncomfortable going on a date with a stranger. I would rather be asked out by someone I was already familiar with (like a friend, coworker, neighbor etc) than someone I just met for the first time. If you ask a woman like this out when you've only just met and she says no, but by chance your paths happen to cross again and you have reason to interact in a platonic way and she feels more familiar with you and is not averse to you and is giving you signals that she is interested now then if you ask again she may say yes. But this is NOT the same as pursuing a woman for a date when she already told you no and has not shown any signs of interest.
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female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (20 August 2013):
 When a girl says no then that means no and pushing it further is not romantic at all.
I agree with Honeypie; try getting to know them before asking them out.
Good Luck!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 August 2013):
 Personally, I never told a guy I was interested in seeing again, no. If I was interested I would have given him my number and that way leaving the ball in his court.
If I DID get hit on by a guy I wasn't interested in I would say no, right away. And some times multiple times, that never turned into a yes. Once it turned into a Protective Order, because the dude stalked me to no end, even moving into the building across from mine, trying to break into my apartment, sending me flowers at work, calling me at work. When I changed my number he lied to a co-worker and go my new number.. He was relentless. And it wasn't romantic or sweet. It was scary and freaky. Bastard even found me on FB 18 years later. How freaking creepy is that? Not a great love story, I can tell you that.
So, here is my point of view. If a girls says no without a blink/wink, respect it and move on.
Maybe instead of asking them out from the get go, give them a chance to get to know you, get interested. That way you might get a yes from the get go.
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