A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,So, I met this girl on OKCupid. I made a profile with a contrejour picture (basically a picture with the shadow of a person against the sun) and was fooling around with the website. Then we struck and conversation and she suggested meeting at some point. The funny thing was that she was over-invested: writing twice as much as me (asking about my day, wishing me a good night and stuff) and trying to qualify for my attention. Anyway, I sent her my real picture, she didn't comment on it but the date was still on. To be honest, I went along for the heck of it but was not expecting much.We initially agreed to meet on Saturday but she told me she was too busy, so we postponed it to Sunday. Then, I wrote her Sunday morning to check when we would meet and she told me she was working but we could still meet in the evening. At that point, I was expecting a flake and went on my business. Weirdly enough, she confirmed the date later in the day. She took the train (1 hour away from where I live) just to come see me for a couple of hours, and I really found that cool.Long story short, she was my type and I could definitely sense a sexual vibe in the air. She was irresistible, so after like 1 hour of chatting I gave her a kiss on the cheek. Some minutes later we were kissing on the lips and then french kissing. She didn't resist and was actually quite passionate about it. We then started cuddling, holding hands and kissing for the whole duration of the date until I took her back to the train station. We talked about where this was going and that we were looking for a bf/gf relationship and she then suggested to come see me again on Thursday. She did stress a couple of times during the date that we were complete strangers to each other and that both me and I would be too naive to trust each other so quickly.The train she was supposed to take was cancelled and we waited for the next one. Then, that one was cancelled as well and I wanted to stay with her until she found a solution. She kinda became weird at that point: she told me she would figure out something and urged me to leave. I wasn't really comfortable leaving her stranded like that but I could she was becoming very pushy and impatient, so I left (she did hint several times that she's the type of person that needs her alone time). She found some carpooling solution and informed me by sms and I wished her a safe trip back home.Next day, I wake and I see a sms of hers from 1 am telling me she ended up in another city and she will be staying at her sister's... I sent her a text asking if she was ok and she responded a few mins later saying she was hitchhiking her way to her city. I told her to be careful and wished her a nice day. Then, I sent another text around 6 pm asking her about her day.Well, she never replied to that one...It's funny in some way because she was always promptly responding to my messages and she did report to me her whereabouts until this morning.---------------So, I am trying to understand what happened here:A) Could she be pissed at me for some reason (ie: I didn't check for her well-being after the hitchhiking or whatever)?B) Another possibility is that she's having buyer's remorse. I usually don't kiss on first dates but somehow I connected faster with her. Maybe it went too fast for her and she got suspicious... Is there any way to recover from that or have I lost her?C) If she simply had a change of heart, how should I handle this?Should I give her some space? Should I freeze her out completely? To be honest, I don't even know whether she arrived safely at home. Maybe I should send a last text to check on her and tell her goodbye or whatever, but I don't know how to phrase it...D) In case she writes that we should not meet again (or something like that), what's the best way to respond?One mistake I did is that I behaved a bit clingy. I have been in a dry spell for some years now. I really like kissing, cuddling and holding hands and I felt very repressed inside after all this time. I have the impression I came a bit too strong on her, even though she didn't show anything and went along just fine. She was actually way more passionate when kissing than I was. The potential problem is that she didn't see me as a challenge anymore.Well, I got it out of my system now and hopefully I won't behave like that with the next girl...Thanks for any advice!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 November 2014):
 I think she wants to see if you are able to adjust to her fast paced, unpredictable lifestyle. She doesn't want to fall so soon and have a burn out. One thing you know is, she is not boring and you will have fun each time but it comes a time when you want a feeling of security. You talked about being bf/gfs. It's good you have a base agreement but what it means to be in a relationship is different for everyone. You have to make sure she meets your needs too. I see that you need feelings of warmth and caring and she is not at that stage yet. It might not even be her style. Right now what I can see is that you always have to work hard to keep her interested because she is living a full life, a free spirit. You will know a lot about her as you talk. Her past relationships, family, what led her to her career, etc.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): Thanks to everyone for your responses!Just to clarify some things: 1) We did not go to my place. We made a short tour of the city I live in and I then took her to a cosy bar where we sat on a couch. I had not planned to kiss her initially, but she really stuck herself against me at some point, so that's when I felt like kissing her.2) Her work is much more flexible than mine. She works in shifts and she stays at home on some days. For example, I know for sure that she was not working yesterday. Unfortunately, it's tough for me to visit her during week days but I offered to go to her city during the week-end. She told me it was her father's 60th birthday and that she couldn't miss it. That's when she offered to visit me again on Thursday. If we somehow manage to get together, I will make sure we meet on week-ends at least (and I don't mind going to her city).------------So, she finally replied this evening (24h after I sent her my last text)"Hurray for the German test! Busy at work here..."Ok, it's a bit cold... No smilies, no goodnight wishing, nothing...I sense she is having some doubts and inner struggles (she might be scared but she also liked the time we had together)I was at the theater this evening and it's too late to reply now (she knew about that since I told her during the date). I think it's worth the shot of writing her tomorrow and see where this leads me. I have nothing to lose at this point. For now, I simply need to reignite her interest level (just as it was before we met) so that she desires to see me again.Some cues:- I have understood that she is quite impulsive as a person (well, look at how she traveled all the way to another city to meet a stranger and made out on the first date). She even actually suggested that I join her when she will be traveling to Malaysia early next year. We joked about it and I said I would think about it (I am actually thinking about it if we manage to get to know each other better in the meantime). She even brought a travel book with her at the date in order to convince me.- Her nickname had the name of a boardgame in it and I asked her if she was a fan (because I really liked it). She initially said she hadn't played in a long time. Then, 2 days later, she claimed she had played with her sister and lost 4 times and that she needed a coach (implying me of course). I suspect she dug out her game just so that she would impress me. This became a recurring joke between us.So, I could maybe use those to my advantage, no?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 November 2014):
I don't think you did anything wrong. I think she's either exhausted because she didn't sleep last night, or she's working. She could have waited until there's a train taking her back. If she had to hitch hike that could mean she didn't want to miss work.
She wanted to see you Thursday but if I were you I would offer to go there. Depending on the train schedule and strangers' kindness is no way to make dating work.
If she's struggling with whether to meet with you again that could be the transportation issue. She's willing to meet with you even though you are faraway means that she might be having a dry spell too. Don't put all hopes on this one because she might have issues travelling to you one day and you were expecting a flake already.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 November 2014):
 You moved WAY to fast, buddy.
And first date on your couch?
Why not offer her that she could sleep on your couch and that you would behave like a gentleman and take her to the train station in the morning, when there was no trains going? And then of course stuck to it?
She did a MAJOR blunder too. She met up with a stranger of the internet (you) at HIS place without a sure way home. That is nuts!
My guess? She think you were just after sex or a F-buddy. Not really serious.
I think you both tried going lightning speed and both got caught up in the moment. Now if she is ignoring you after that? maybe you weren't the only guy she was seeing?
I'd chalk this date up to a learning experience in what not to do.
1st date should be in public on "neutral grounds", no kissing, no groping. You can STILL express that you are attracted without being too pushy or as you call it, needy.
Don't over think or over analyze her. Either call her and see what's up or move on.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (25 November 2014):
Maybe something has happened to her. Hitchhiking? Really?
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (25 November 2014):
it could be A,B or C mate..
maybe text her to see if she is back again , but if you do not get a response leave it and go to the next one.
Anything could of happened , she could of changed her mind , had a ex come back , had another chap she has been chasing on okcupid has come back to her.. the list is endless .
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